New writer looking for feedback

[gopher&kitsune]

I would appreciate any feedback on my two poems that are up so far and soon a story that has been submitted will be up here too. Anyone who does help me out will get my attention when it comes their stories as well.

Thank You
Gopher

Writer's link in signature

 

[KinkyLOVE]

FEEDBACK on Babysitter's Bad Night & LOT'S of personal stuff!

IMHO there's not much point in using that anonymous feedback box provided at the end of Literotica stories except for short messages like this:

Gopher (& your Foxy little MUSE, Kitsune),

Of course I've given your story, Babysitter's Bad Night a full FIVE! How could I not? I'm going to say MUCH more about it very soon in Literotica Discussion Board > Main Literotica Forums > Story & Poetry Feedback > "New writer looking for feedback," so please check over there when you receive the Reply-to-post notice.

LOVE you both to pieces! Kin Ky

P.s. I'm NEVER gonna respond to that stupid Literotica Message Service any more. It's a TOTAL waste because it fails to keep any copy of sent messages! Please use my home e-mail addy, ne?

It seems INCESTUOUS to me in some ways to VOTE on Babysitter's Bad Night because I very personally EDITED it for Gopher before his submission. Perhaps like many other Literoticans, editing an author's pornographic ejaculations is an INTENSELY SEXUAL ACT as the potent story thrusts deep into my w-i-d-e o-p-e-n proofing pussy, then furiously fucks my verbal vagina, inseminating me with his beautiful baby story! Whew!

Briefly: This torrid tale has all the elements of a bawdy blockbuster. When the virginal babysitter, Emily, is caught masturbating by the unexpectedly early return of her charge's parents, she is at first convincingly shy, then becomes naturally aroused as many girls do by exposing herself in the living room to the handsomely hung husband, Alex at his request. This leads quite convingingly to his MASTERFUL seduction of her, which is a true-to-life interactive process fully described in the psychological responses of both participants, and, of course, every sensational lick and thrust. Following her orally inspired ORGASM and his TREMENDOUSLY EXPLOSIVE CLIMAX, the wife, Susan arrives, and their interaction proceeds to a loving three way in the upstairs bedroom with ample intercourse of every variety to bring Emily from virgin to virtuoso in a single evening. Sure this is a fantasy, compressing so much into one naughty night; however, any lucky girl, like myself, invited to join Gopher and Kitsune's generous and oh so elequoently expressive eroticism will doubtlessly mirror Emily's ecstasies at a real time pace. Highly recommended reading and even more highly recommended is to meet and become intimately acquainted with the author and his cute Japanese U.T. co-ed muse.

We have, as has been previously alluded to in several other Literotica Discussion Board threads, most recently in > Main Literotica Forums > Story & Poetry Feedback > Who's behind-Just Another Kinky Wet Dream? (http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=808135) an ongoing affair in which I've been tryng to help my LOVERS with some real life difficulties as I'll now provide certain details on - not only because I'm w-a-y EXHIBITIONISTIC - but since it's such an excellent example of the GOOD THINGS that can happen right here on Literotica to people with the right spirit:

Subject: pics.
Date: Sat, 27 Oct 2001 15:48:20
From: Kitsune
To: kinky@aurora.dti.ne.jp

Ohiyo Kinky!

I just woke up a little while ago and Jeff is just starting to sleep. It's a little funny because when I'm awake, he's asleep. But that's alright. I sold a lot of our DVDs yesterday and the day before and am currently trying to find places that would buy some of the other knick knacks that are scattered around the apartment. sigh. =) I'm thinking about going over to a place called Buffalo Exchange and try and sell all of Jeff's old pants. (He never throws away any of his clothes, so there are pants from when he was in high school still in the closet.) lol. That should be fun. Then after that I need to go into the art building to paint some more for my homework. I have to have 3 paintings done by Monday. Blech! That's gonna be tough. Well, I think that I'm going to send you the pics through this way instead of the way that I originally did. (I'm also a bit computer illiterate) lol. Well, I have attached an example of one of my short animations that I had some help with (from a better animator) and also the sketch that was inspired by you. I hope that you liked them.

I will send you more in a couple of minutes.

bye bye!

sammy

p.s. Thank you for your help! If you were here in Austin, I would totally worship you in ways that I am incapable of putting into words or into pictures. Grin. But let's just say that after I'm done, you would have one of those glowing smiles. Giggle.

wolfrunruff.gif bondage sketch.gif

Well, who knows what ways we'll interact in when Ai Henjin (Kin Ky LOVE) arrives in Austin next time; however, here's a recent e-mail from my Austin brother, who's married to a Texas ranch heiress, the kind of people with kone (Japnese word for connections) which could help considerably with Gopher&Kitsune's current financial pinch, as I've been recently asking him to do with mine as well since I need a new computer that Gopher with his handware expertise has been advising me about assembling. Here's my brother's latest e-mail:

We are in contact and I think that I have corrected the address problem. At any rate, it is (His new address). Give me some time to think about helping your friends. My first though is that rather than tying to involve (an Austin philanthrophist we know with VERY CONSERVATIVE SEXUAL hang ups) with the artist, since her foundation does not support individuals, it would be better to try to get them some extra income by hiring the guy as a consulatant in locating (building?) and outfitting a computer for you. Perhaps he could get it (build it?) and stock it with software at the cheap price, charge me the Dell price and pocket the profit. What do you think?
In corresponding with me you must come to accept that I am not as compulsive about responding to e-mails immediately as you are. I don't even check mine daily. So if it takes me a few days to respond, don't dispair. I will try to keep on top of this computer thing though.

Hm... not too bad an idea, as Gopher is currently out of work while Kitsune is not only a full-time student, but also working on campus, so, what do you think folks? Tune in soon for the continuation of this real life romantic drama coming to a Literotica thread near you!

By the way, would this be the proper place to add my customary plug for our Nagasaki University Internet Affairs Classes' Guest Book where you can post a romantically seductive message and get intimately acquantied by flirting with sweet Asian girls just like Kitsune and me? Maybe you'd like to invite one of my sultry students to visit you on her next vacation abroad? Browse on over to http://chodai.tripod.com enjoy their pretty pictures and . . . GO FOR . . .

LOVE, Kin Ky

_______________

P.s. Kit's sketch of me in my favorite bondage clothes and collar provides yet another example of why Gopher should seek employment as a computer consultant and let Kitsune concentrate on her artistic career:

 

[daughter]

Some hot d/s

gopher---

Susan is the most interesting and believable character. I like how she controlled things. Having her with the strap-on said a lot. Didn't need any expository writing to make her character clear.
The action in the bedroom is hot and Susan is a believable dom.

Emily is problematic for me for several reasons. In the beginning, her fear and anxiety works, though I think you could have demonstrated more and told less how anxious she was. There is not enough in the setup to know why she is so convinced she had been caught. Some description of her actions when they walked in would help. You drag out her waiting, but it doesn't make sense. He simply says just a minute. If I were Emily, I would have said tonight was on me and left.

She gives in to Alex with almost no conflict. This doesn't work for me. His wife and children are upstairs and a little bit of coaxing and she's willing to fuck his brains out? Given how freaked out she was about being caught, this isn't plausible.

Then there's the sex. How does a virgin relax enough to come from her first intercourse in another woman's house with her husband? She could feel his dick throbbing while he was still? Gopher, this is physiological leap here. Can you imagine the shock a woman would experience during child birth if she had enough nerve endings in her walls to feel a penis, let alone an 8lb baby? Not to mention he's resting inside her. He's not creating friction nor making contact with her walls. And this is a girl who was petrified of being in trouble less than 20 minutes earlier. I think all she's feeling is her heart racing and his weight crushing her.


I can buy they set her up, but I'm wondering how old are these kids that Susan is barking orders, Emily is screaming and no tow head walks in on the action?

Either this girl lied and ain't no virgin or she is the most unihibited virgin I have ever heard of. My first penetration was pretty painful. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, and I couldn't move. I felt a lot pain. No orgasm, no sweet release. Even if she could relax enough to enjoy the sex, I can't buy her comfort level. She's goes from a 2 to 20 in sexual experiences with no glitches.

Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter