New Writer Asking for Feedback

[PetroniusJackson]

Greetings,

A new writer here.

I have recently published four chapters of a new sci-fi/fantasy story called "The Saga of Tallia the Unwilling" with a fifth still pending and a sixth in editing.

You can find it here: https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6117272&page=submissions

I have been very pleased by the number of ratings (thanks again if you already voted), but there has been a great paucity of any actual feedback.

I have constructed a meta-narrative where the "scrolls" of the story are being translated by a petulant ancient Egyptian priest. If you want a response by his fawning sub-priest, post in the individual stories. If you want to talk to me (the actual author) post here.

Regardless, I'd love any feedback you care to give.

Petronius Jackson
"A room without books is like a body without a soul" -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

[PeytonMirabelle]

I like SF/F, so I will try to take a look in the next day or so.

Just for the record, comments/feedback in general are tough to come by and if I remember correctly, though SF/F tend to score well, comments are especially tough to come by.

 

[PeytonMirabelle]

I read the first chapter. Just my personal takes, worth what you paid for them:

- For the most part, it's a well-written story, though too wordy in places
- Primary characters are basically likable
- Good heat in the sex scene
- Most of the humor did not land for me but that is a personal taste issue; I think written humor is a tough nut to crack, as both a reader and writer and the risk is turning aside some readers. I probably would not have made it through the intro if I had found that tale randomly versus coming from here to give feedback.

In technical terms (grammar, syntax, plot structure, etc.), I didn't find much to complain about. But to reiterate my last post, you probably aren't going to get a lot of feedback. I find the SF/F fandom is here is dedicated but small. If those are the only stories you want to tell, then cool, but if the primary goal is feedback, you'll have to build a following and that's going to take a while, unless you branch out to other, more feedback-intensive categories.

Anyway, I left a five vote on it and my curiosity is piqued enough to go back and read the rest over the next few days. Best of luck!

 

[PeytonMirabelle]

Read through Chapter 5 and voted accordingly. My basic feedback remains the same as above: decently written though it could use a trim here and there, enjoyable sex scenes, and I liked the characters.

If you're enjoying writing it, than that's the biggest thing. Best of luck.

 

[PetroniusJackson]

PeytonMirabelle,

Thanks for the feedback and taking the time to read the work. Your critique is greatly appreciated!

Petronius Jackson
"If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero