New user/author/story

[CelticsHeart]

Greetings and warmest hugs to all....

I am a newbie....and would love your comments on my ramblings....commitings my stories from the erotic whispers shared with my sig` other to words is way too hard!...and I hope it transfers well....I am not even sure how to link to it from here...(admits Her lack of awareness) but it is called "A Dark Welcome" and it`s in the BDSM section....I too am a great believer in giving as you want to recieve so I plan to give feedback too!....Happy reading!

 

[nitengale]

allow me...

to provide the necessary link (always good to do)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=14392

"A Dark Welcome"

BTW, good luck with your new endeavor!!

 

[CelticsHeart]

This newbie offers a thousand thank U`s !

Thank you....It is a wonderful thing to admit ones failings - and then find a helping hand!
Hugs!

 

[cymbidia]

Interesting premise. Very good use of imagery and you manage the slightly archaic-sounding speech well throughout the story. I got a good sense of who/what she was, less so about her Master. For a completely and totally sheltered virgin, the slangy terms "pussy" and "cock" rolled out of her mouth pretty easily, i think.

All that is just small stuff. Your story was sound and well plotted. It has only two real faults that i could see.
1. All those dots all over the place are distracting. Use true ellipses, commas, or periods where appropriate; the occasional use of a semi-colon isn't too terrible a habit.
2. Figure when, where, and why you're going to begin new paragraphs and stick to it religiously throughout your piece, even if it's grammatically incorrect.

Do you know about the Volunteer Editors program here at Lit? If not, go here and look: http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/voled_stor.shtml. It's a GREAT resource for people like you and me.

Good first effort, CelticsHeart. Keep writing.

Remember that people here are more than happy to give feedback to people who return the favor. That means, especially for new Lit authors, if you give lots of feedback, you tend to get it.

 

[CelticsHeart]

Thank you for your comments, valuable comments might be better to say however. I usually "tell" stories in voice and this is why I value opinion so much. With my tendency to visualise the events from the point of view of the central character I guess I lacked a little in "rounding off" the co-star! I think perhaps an overview by the Vol.Ed`s next time might be really useful!
I am also really glad you enjoyed it, since that was my initial hope for the story ( first told during "post-coital" cuddles)

Hugs! xxx

 

[Chanson_bleu]

Nice first submission!

As Cym mentioned above, "Remember that people here are more than happy to give feedback to people who return the favor. That means, especially for new Lit authors, if you give lots of feedback, you tend to get it."

You gave to me, so you get some!

I thought yours was a very hot story. Vivid imagery. Good dialogue. Ditto on the critique about punctuation and those darn ellipses (I didn't know what that was until my story got edited. I needed to take a TON out!) Your characters are interesting - maybe a Part Deux?

P.S. - I like your "signature." Where is that from?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Ack! The ellipses drove me bonkers. Pet peeve anyway. If you must use them, you're probably using the wrong anyway.

Nother point. New speaker, new paragraph.

"Hello," I said. I hadn't seen him in a while, I was nervouse.

"Hello," he replied, his face giving nothing away.

"What's for dinner?" A nice safe topic, I thought.

"You, of course." He grinned mischieviously.

Not:

"Ohmigod! Did you see her dress?" Billy ran into the house screaming. "No? What's wrong with it?" Tommy asked. "It's see through!" Billy grabbed Tommy and jerked him outside to where his sister was dancing, drunk, in the driveway. "Holy fuck! You can see her nipples!" Tommy yelled.

 

[Ulyssa]

Ack! The ellipses drove me bonkers. Pet peeve anyway. If you must use them, you're probably using the wrong anyway.

Nother point. New speaker, new paragraph.

On the whole I agree with you about new speaker new paragraph. I like pieces set out that way. Unfortunately this rule differs from site to site and occasionally from story to story. There are some good pieces which have broken the new paragraph rule successfully.

But Celticsheart I think KM's advice is really sound here.

 

[Weird Harold]

On the whole I agree with you about new speaker new paragraph. I like pieces set out that way. Unfortunately this rule differs from site to site and occasionally from story to story. There are some good pieces which have broken the new paragraph rule successfully.

From my New Lexicon Webster's:

Paragraph, ..., ..., n. [O.Fr. Fr. paragraphs, < M.L. para-graphus, < Gr.paragraphos,a line or mark in the margin.] A distinct portion of written or printed matter dealing with a particular point or quoting the words of one speaker and usually beginning with an indentation on a new line; a note, item, or brief article, as in a newspaper, usually forming a distinct, undivided whole. -v.r. To divide into paragraphs; to express in a paragraph; to mention in a paragraph; write or publish paragraphs about. -par-a-graph-ic, ..., a.-par-a-graph-er, ..., n. One who writes paragraphs or short pieces as for a newspaper; also esp. Brit. par-a-graph-ist.

One speaker, one paragraph is NOT a variable "rule", it's part of the definition of what a paragraph is.

The only time I can think of that mixing different speakers into one paragraph is when an author intentionally wants to confuse the reader. For example if there are several people speking at once, and it doesn't really matter shich says what, the author might mix the babble into one paragraph to convey the confusion and chaos.

Other than an intentional attempt to convey confusion and chaos, there is no good reason for confusing the reader. confused readers don't enjoy what they are reading and either quit reading in disgust or register their displeasure with a low vote or bad review.

 

[CelticsHeart]

Many heartfelt thanks!

To all of you who took the time to read my story and feedback - Thank you! I have gone back to my copy and looked at where I could have made changes and can see the sense in all the good advice you have given me. Even more than that though I have been trying to apply this to the piece I am working on now. This one however will have the benefit of a Vol.Ed, I hope!

Hugs to all,

Heart xx