New to This

[irishcatsmeow]

I am very new to the D/s experience/lifestyle. I have done some exploring on the internet and have met a person online who I have spoken to about this. I have never had any real life experience in this area but do have fantasys. How does one determine if this lifestyle is for her? The person I have been speaking with has asked me to train as a sub. I am married, although unhappily, and am unsure as to how this will work online. I anticipate eventaully leaving my marriage, but am not sure what the sub training involves and how much of a commitment I am making to be his sub if I do undergo the training.

Like I said I am very new to this experience and would appreciate any advice or insight. TY.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I am very new to the D/s experience/lifestyle. I have done some exploring on the internet and have met a person online who I have spoken to about this. I have never had any real life experience in this area but do have fantasys. How does one determine if this lifestyle is for her? The person I have been speaking with has asked me to train as a sub. I am married, although unhappily, and am unsure as to how this will work online. I anticipate eventaully leaving my marriage, but am not sure what the sub training involves and how much of a commitment I am making to be his sub if I do undergo the training.

Like I said I am very new to this experience and would appreciate any advice or insight. TY.

Don't do anything until you work out the bmarriage situation. Would you date someone while married? How is D/s any different?


If you are unhappy, you need to make yourself happy before you get involved with anyone else.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I am very new to the D/s experience/lifestyle. I have done some exploring on the internet and have met a person online who I have spoken to about this. I have never had any real life experience in this area but do have fantasys. How does one determine if this lifestyle is for her? The person I have been speaking with has asked me to train as a sub. I am married, although unhappily, and am unsure as to how this will work online. I anticipate eventaully leaving my marriage, but am not sure what the sub training involves and how much of a commitment I am making to be his sub if I do undergo the training.

Like I said I am very new to this experience and would appreciate any advice or insight. TY.

First of all, SLOW DOWN!! You've got alot of time and you don't need to learn everything you need to know in one hour, one night, or one day. Take your time and figure out where you are in your life. IMHO, you should think about taking Johnny's advice and clean your own house and get your life straight...it helps to have a clear mind so you can figure out who YOU are.

If you want to continue pursuing online play, you might want to read Online Safety: Tigers in the internet zoo written by Pure, a regular here on the BDSM board. It offers a lot of great advice.

There are some great sites out there with great info for people new to BDSM. One of the best is www.castlerealm.com . Check it out.

We also have a Library here at the BDSM board that is full of all kinds of threads on many subjects. You might want to wander through the various categories and check out things that interest you. The "Newcomers", "Online Experiences", and "Links" categories might be of particular interest to you.

Above all, take your time and don't jump into ANYTHING with ANYONE until you've figured out WHO you are, and WHAT you are doing.

My two cents.

~anelize

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Yeah, and don't submit to anyone online....that's just silly!!

Listen, sweetheart, I'm sure you want some spice in your life, but tearing down everything you have for some slap and tickle just seems a bit extreme. Take a college class or something...or maybe, just maybe...talk to your husband? I know that sounds nutty, but what the hell, right?

 

[navarre]

Excellent words of advice Johnny & anelize.

 

[lady-kat]

I am very new to the D/s experience/lifestyle. I have done some exploring on the internet and have met a person online who I have spoken to about this. I have never had any real life experience in this area but do have fantasys. How does one determine if this lifestyle is for her? The person I have been speaking with has asked me to train as a sub. I am married, although unhappily, and am unsure as to how this will work online. I anticipate eventaully leaving my marriage, but am not sure what the sub training involves and how much of a commitment I am making to be his sub if I do undergo the training.

Like I said I am very new to this experience and would appreciate any advice or insight. TY.

Hi irishcatsmeow.
*waiving to another cat*

in reading your post, i realized i could have wrote those same words.... smile.... my own situation is so very similar.

AnelizeDarkEyes has posted some excellent links (imho) and i can't think of anything to add to them, but wanted to say welcome.....

& i agree agree agree with anelize. (smile) please, take it slow while you explore. and be safe....

 

[kayte]

I am very new to the D/s experience/lifestyle. I have done some exploring on the internet and have met a person online who I have spoken to about this. I have never had any real life experience in this area but do have fantasys. How does one determine if this lifestyle is for her? The person I have been speaking with has asked me to train as a sub. I am married, although unhappily, and am unsure as to how this will work online. I anticipate eventaully leaving my marriage, but am not sure what the sub training involves and how much of a commitment I am making to be his sub if I do undergo the training.

Like I said I am very new to this experience and would appreciate any advice or insight. TY.

Welcome!!!

I found my Master on lit, and we have moved to real life, that is where I truly submitted. Too bad we are geographically challenged. We see each other when we can.

Go slow!!! Read the links that were pointed out to you.

Ask questions.

You can PM me, if that is easier.

I am in the middle of a divorce. It is amicable, he has someone and so do I now. The divorce was for other reasons. He does know a bit of the relationship, and he has expressed worry, but for the wrong things. He doesn't understand.

Take care of yourself.

 

[lady-kat]

Yeah, and don't submit to anyone online....that's just silly!!

Johnny...

with all due respect, i will disagree. for some of us, it is what we have. speaking only for myself, my friendship with my on-line lover i do and will cherish. and my submission to him is as real as if i knelt at his feet in R/L.

please Johnny, until you have walked in our shoes, do not pass judgement on us.

for cat to post here, and ask questions while she contemplates her journey (so to speak) takes a great deal of courage.....

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Johnny...

with all due respect, i will disagree. for some of us, it is what we have. speaking only for myself, my friendship with my on-line lover i do and will cherish. and my submission to him is as real as if i knelt at his feet in R/L.

please Johnny, until you have walked in our shoes, do not pass judgement on us.

for cat to post here, and ask questions while she contemplates her journey (so to speak) takes a great deal of courage.....

I think in her situation, my advice is valid. It isn't judgment on a person, but it is judgement on the situation. While I don't believe in online D/s for me personally, that goes double for married people decieving their spouse.

 

[catalina_francisco]

to post here, and ask questions while she contemplates her journey (so to speak) takes a great deal of courage.....

I think in her situation, my advice is valid. It isn't judgment on a person, but it is judgement on the situation. While I don't believe in online D/s for me personally, that goes double for married people decieving their spouse.

And I would say it takes courage to be open and honest and deal with your life before messing up another's.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I don't see this as courage. I see this as running away from her real life, for some online fantasy. There is no bravery or honor in that.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't see this as courage. I see this as running away from her real life, for some online fantasy. There is no bravery or honor in that.

I have no problem with that. I am a great believer in honesty, not to mention treating others as you would hope they treat you.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I have no problem with that. I am a great believer in honesty, not to mention treating others as you would hope they treat you.

Uh huh...and I would hope that if I was about to throw my life away on a pipe dream, someone would call me on it.

 

[lady-kat]

irishcatsmeow

i will again say welcome and Hi..
*waiving*


Johnny and Catalina.
*chuckle* this is a online community on a porn board. People postin from all walks of life, in all kinds of life's situations.

i will again, respectfully disagree. with the use of the words
"honesty" and "deceive"....

and i will applaud her courage

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Yep, got to applaude the 'courage' of someone who can't be faithful or honest...lots of courage there!

catalina, your inbox is full...

 

[lady-kat]

Yep, got to applaude the 'courage' of someone who can't be faithful or honest...lots of courage there!

ah damn. what the hell was i thinking?
*scribbling a note to myself here*

self: do NOT EVER post an opinion that does not conform to the mainstream idea of the "sanctity" of marriage...

it is apparently as hot button a topic as politics and religion. with that said, i will bow out, and leave the OP's thread. leaveing it to more experinced, honest poeple to answer her questions. oh, and yes, perhaps to give her a little help while making her feel so welcome..

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

ah damn. what the hell was i thinking?
*scribbling a note to myself here*

self: do NOT EVER post an opinion that does not conform to the mainstream idea of the "sanctity" of marriage...

it is apparently as hot button a topic as politics and religion. with that said, i will bow out, and leave the OP's thread. leaveing it to more experinced, honest poeple to answer her questions. oh, and yes, perhaps to give her a little help while making her feel so welcome..

Uh huh...go lie to your husband some more.

 

[Daedalus77]

I think you need to decide if you are running to something or running away from something. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Is bdsm something you have thinking about for a while? Will it fill a need that is missing? Is any attention better than none? How much do you know about this dom? Far too many questions for me.

 

[kayte]

Hey Y'all,

I've been watching the posts.

We do not want to scare her away. That won't help anything.

But Irishcatsmeow, you are seeing that you will get feedback. I hope you do come back.

 

[lady-kat]

Hey Y'all,

I've been watching the posts.

We do not want to scare her away. That won't help anything.

But Irishcatsmeow, you are seeing that you will get feedback. I hope you do come back.

kayte, agreed.

Irishcatsmeow. for my part played in derailing your thread i sincerely apologise.

 

[lark sparrow]

Perhaps JM has been on the receiving end of lies and/or cheating - neither of you have "walked" in eachother's "shoes".

The only thing I would add, is that if complete strangers on an internet pornography board know more intimate details about your life than your spouse does, something is way amiss in the relationship you consider "significant". Personally I wouldn't settle for that, but everyone gets to make their own choices.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Let me just say for the new gal, again, that it is my opinion that you deal with your current situation, before starting another, and leave it at that.

 

[lark sparrow]

I am very new to the D/s experience/lifestyle. I have done some exploring on the internet and have met a person online who I have spoken to about this. I have never had any real life experience in this area but do have fantasys. How does one determine if this lifestyle is for her? The person I have been speaking with has asked me to train as a sub. I am married, although unhappily, and am unsure as to how this will work online. I anticipate eventaully leaving my marriage, but am not sure what the sub training involves and how much of a commitment I am making to be his sub if I do undergo the training.

Like I said I am very new to this experience and would appreciate any advice or insight. TY.

Putting the marriage/cheating issue aside... D/s relationships are unique, just like vanilla relationships. It is not enough to know what the proposed Master wants, though important - you also need to know what you want. No one here can tell you what your training with a particular Dom would look like. Read up on BDSM - there are many perspectives and expressions, explore your fantasies, ask for advice, and remember as a newbie that you are learning - start at the beginning - if it's the "lifestyle" for you, you have years upon years of exploring to do!

 

[redelicious]

I wonder how long you have known this Dom? Whether the relationship is online or not, it takes time to develop the kind of raport and trust you need.

Read, think, and read and think some more. By all means, talk to people. But be very suspicious of anyone who would demand or accept your submission right away.

 

[irishcatsmeow]

Well, I thank each of you for your replies. It seems I have started a brew-ha-ha. Let me explain. I have been faithful to my hubby in our 9 years of marriage. We have no children. I have had these fantasys for sometime. Have discussed with hubby to no avail. I also did not go looking for a Master. This lifestyle was mentioned casually to me while playing an online game. After further discussion, it intrigued me and i did some research online. After three converstaions, this person asked about me training as his sub. I thought this was much too fast and said so. He said the training would determine whether or not this was for me. I didn't feel comfortable with this and was looking for some insight from this group. I decided not to go this route at this time, just because of the sheer quickness with which he asked the question. My marriage is not good for a number of reasons, and I am making determinations in that regard.

I actually just wanted to get some insight into this lifestyle, as i am not one to make rash decisions and thought this forum would be a good place to do so without getting judged. How wrong I was. I thank those of you who have given me support and not judged me and have offered advice and links for further research. As to the others who have assumed an awful lot, thank you for at least taking the time to consider my post.

I also hope that this post did not create any bad feelings amoungst the members here. I will continue to post here or at other sites on the liferotica website as the need arises. I do no scare easily....

I will continue to gladly accept any replies (private or public) to this or my previous message. TY. =^..^=