New to this & not sure

[Curiouslittlegirlx]

I am really not sure on anything of the BDSM lifestyle. I have been interested into it following some tumblrs, and got myself into this lifestyle. I find myself turned on by most of the stuff that I watch, see, and read. But, I just want to know, what it takes to have a relationship like this? Can you have a vanilla relationship, and BDSM together? What are your opinions on that? How do you make it work in your life? I just want some opinions on it, all together. And thank you for your imput, in advance. If you don't have advice, Thank you for reading

 

[troubledone]

I am really not sure on anything of the BDSM lifestyle. I have been interested into it following some tumblrs, and got myself into this lifestyle. I find myself turned on by most of the stuff that I watch, see, and read. But, I just want to know, what it takes to have a relationship like this? Can you have a vanilla relationship, and BDSM together? What are your opinions on that? How do you make it work in your life? I just want some opinions on it, all together. And thank you for your imput, in advance. If you don't have advice, Thank you for reading

Read more of the forums and you will get to know more, there are a lot of people talking on the subject

 

[Curiouslittlegirlx]

Thank you, troubledone. I have been reading some of the threads on here already, and some of it seems to be helping. I am just trying to figure out if I really would like to do this stuff, or not.

 

[Stella_Omega]

yes, browse and search.

And you'll find that the answer to every question is; "Yes-- if that's the way you want it."

BDSM is a do-it-yourself proposition. No one except you can have the sex that you have, if you see what I mean.

The main thing you need-- is self knowledge. You need to explore and figure out an understanding of what it is that you want, what you might want, and what you really do not want.

Once you start to get an inkling, then the nuts, bolts, and ropes are skills that you can learn in furtherance of your preferences.

So-- where are you at right now? What scenarios turn you on?

 

[troubledone]

You have to set limits and they differ from partner to partner and may change with age

 

[Curiouslittlegirlx]

I found a few things that have turned me on. Some, very rare though, gang type things, like Kink.com usually has some of the best. Punishment, as you can cum as many times as you want sort of thing, Denial of cumming is another thing too. There's a few more. I am trying to really figure out how it would go with my life, and if it even is possible to make it work in as well. I guess really, I am trying to find a way to have sex. I haven't had sex in two years, which when I tell people that, they wonder how I manage. Well, I do somehow. But, I don't think the normal vanilla way gets me off as much as this stuff does, because I honestly don't remember any orgasms during sex the vanilla way.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ah, yeah. No orgasms during penis in the vagina sex.

That's more common than any of us like to think, sadly. Even those of us who love to fuck men.

 

[Curiouslittlegirlx]

It is more common than we think. But, It happens. It's mostly cause I didn't know what I liked/didnt like. Now I find myself knowning more, and wanting to know more.

 

[Rikki_13]

It is more common than we think. But, It happens. It's mostly cause I didn't know what I liked/didnt like. Now I find myself knowning more, and wanting to know more.

I am just starting to figure things out for myself too that turn me on that doesn't fall in the vanilla realm of sex. Stella has given you great advice in figuring out what you find a turn on, gaining more self knowledge and becoming aware of what gets the biggest reaction from you. Once you start figuring that out you can work on the next steps of figuring out how to make it happen for you in a relationship.

 

[Curiouslittlegirlx]

Thank you for your imput as well. I need to start figuring out more of what is a turn on, and what I would like, and not, and would never do. I have a few things that I know I would never, and some that I might do, but, I need to figure that out more.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thank you for your imput as well. I need to start figuring out more of what is a turn on, and what I would like, and not, and would never do. I have a few things that I know I would never, and some that I might do, but, I need to figure that out more.

You might want to check out one or more of the BDSM checklists to get a better idea of all the types of activities that are carried under the umbrella term of "BDSM." While they're not all-inclusive (what could be?), they do give you a broad range of things that are considered to be within our culture. You might, in fact, consider the idea of going through such a checklist now, and then re-visit the same checklist in a year or two or five, and see how your interests have grown (or not).

If you're not familiar with the checklists, there are several discussions of them, including some lists of checklist locations, in this thread in the BDSM Library.

 

[Monkiey10]

Some things I wish I had known....

Go to a munch. Meet people and talk to them. Don't play with them. Just get information. Lots of information! And learn about safety. Safety. Safety. Safety! There is so much more to it than just busting out the whips and chains. And be comfortable with what your limits are, soft or hard...no means no always! Go SSSSSSLLLLLOOOOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLLLLYYYYYYY.....no need to try everything at once. Beware of frenzy....sub frenzy if you go the D/s route....or just the rush of endorphins from trying new and amazing things. And don't trust to quickly...there are lots of douchebags just out for themselves. And always remember that you are responsible for you. Your safety, no matter how much power you give away, is your responsibility.

But I'm pretty new to this whole thing so take what I say with a grain of salt. In fact, take everything that anyone tells you with a grain of salt. Only you know what is right for you.

 

[LordDean]

Thank you for your imput as well. I need to start figuring out more of what is a turn on, and what I would like, and not, and would never do. I have a few things that I know I would never, and some that I might do, but, I need to figure that out more.

That is one of that advantages to having a caring and patient Dom. He can guide you into areas that you are unsure of. Of course, trust and safe words are important before you let someone take you on an adventure. Just my thoughts.

 

[sdnt]

I hope with each day you get to know a few more things about the life style as well as yourself! It's really all a journey into what you feel, if I may say so.. Uninhibitedly. What a mouthful on that word, huh! Anyways, what I mean is, only you can fully know your limits and when you find it in yourself, only you can give yourself fully over to a lover, Dom/Domme, Master or Daddy/Mommy, etcetc. But ya know, do so safely.