New to the forum

[another realm]

New to the forum (Looking for feedback)

Wrote this one the other day. I hope you all like it.

La Tache des Baisers
another realm

Away from the pathways of commerce
Hidden by branches stingy with unrealized fruit
Souls soared for an instant

Powerful currents coursed thru time, space and flesh
Azure and Viridian
Fell into each other creating?

Found with a divine hand
Growing without apparent soil
Nourished by memories that are infinite and forever

 

[wildsweetone]

Wrote this one the other day. I hope you all like it.

La Tache des Baisers
another realm

Away from the pathways of commerce
Hidden by branches stingy with unrealized fruit
Souls soared for an instant

Powerful currents coursed thru time, space and flesh
Azure and Viridian
Fell into each other creating?

Found with a divine hand
Growing without apparent soil
Nourished by memories that are infinite and forever

hi another realm and welcome to the Poetry Forum.

interesting poem! i hope you post more.

 

[Liar]

Howdy.

 

[another realm]

hi another realm and welcome to the Poetry Forum.

interesting poem! i hope you post more.

Thank you for the welcome, wildsweetone. I would be glad to post another.

Swimming Upstream
another realm

By the salt and sea
On a foundation of shifting sand
I found a collection of rooms
Much like my mind
Trade winds blowing in this and that

A kitchen
Of preparation and love
Nourishing and sustaining
Locally grown
Pantry now bare

A parlor
Of labor and sweat
Melodies and pictures
Drums beating a new rhythm
Dreams and toils in boxes

A bedroom
Of rest and renewal
Noisy and confused
Rumblings from the highway of my soul
Closets emptied

I could not sail before today
My soul too heavy with ballast
Waiting for an unknown storm
Accumulations of the past
Fears now cast into the sands

My keel
Stuck in the muck of tidal flats
Anchored against the waves
Sections whittled away to hydro-slippery
Or surgically removed with the sharpest knife

My vessel is now light
Buoyed by the moon and water
And the fresh winter winds

I am setting sail
Traveling to the headwaters
Of my soul

In the mountains
It is right and just
To stand on the ground
And reach for the sky

 

[Guest]

Welcome to the PFDF! Where have you been hiding? I like your poetry.



Ah - I see. In AmPics - very nice too.

 

[Reltne]

Welcome to the poet's tiny corner of Literotica.

At first I thought it was going to be a wine poem. "La Tache" has always been my favorite French wine!

As far as critique/editing goes, you might think about what I have put into red. It is often best to either use punctuation or not use it at all, and "thru" really is a street/net spelling that (IMO) clashes with the style of your other word choices. I am also not completely happy with "flesh", but I don't know what might fit in its place. Finally, a question, why blue and green? What do they have to do with a kiss? If you are referring to sky and foliage, wouldn't sky and earth (brown) be a stronger contrast.

Overall, I rather like this poem. - Good luck with your writing.

Wrote this one the other day. I hope you all like it.
La Tache des Baisers
another realm

Away from the pathways of commerce
Hidden by branches stingy with unrealized fruit
Souls soared for an instant

Powerful currents coursed thru time, space and flesh
Azure and Viridian
Fell into each other creating?

Found with a divine hand
Growing without apparent soil
Nourished by memories that are infinite and forever

 

[another realm]

Welcome to the poet's tiny corner of Literotica.

At first I thought it was going to be a wine poem. "La Tache" has always been my favorite French wine!

As far as critique/editing goes, you might think about what I have put into red. It is often best to either use punctuation or not use it at all, and "thru" really is a street/net spelling that (IMO) clashes with the style of your other word choices. I am also not completely happy with "flesh", but I don't know what might fit in its place. Finally, a question, why blue and green? What do they have to do with a kiss? If you are referring to sky and foliage, wouldn't sky and earth (brown) be a stronger contrast.

Overall, I rather like this poem. - Good luck with your writing.

Thank you for the feedback, Reltne. I have to agree with you about the use of thru. I was lazy. The blue and green has everything to do with the parties to the kiss.

Now...puncuation use. I feel the question mark is perfect for what I was trying to say. To this day, a mystery.

I'm glad you liked the poem. Thank you again.

 

[annaswirls]

Welcome to the forum! Enjoyed the poems you posted, you have a unique voice,, hope to hear more of it.

kick off your shoes and stay awhile.

am pics? I gotta go see...

 

[another realm]

Welcome to the forum! Enjoyed the poems you posted, you have a unique voice,, hope to hear more of it.

kick off your shoes and stay awhile.

am pics? I gotta go see...

Kick off my shoes? How did you know I love to be barefoot?

I will leave one more before I call it a night.


Ode to...
another realm

I am aware of your scent
Flooding me with urges
Fueling my hunger

I am aware of your body
Tan and inviting
Luscious and firm

I am aware of your taste
Uniquely yours
An explosion in my mouth

I am aware of your finiteness
To be savored
And cherished while you are here

 

[annaswirls]

hmm i am not sure how I knew, I don't think you had any foot pics in the forum
at least none that I noticed.

I might have been distracted though. Your corn silk is very lovely.

Kick off my shoes? How did you know I love to be barefoot?

I will leave one more before I call it a night.


Ode to...
another realm

I am aware of your scent
Flooding me with urges
Fueling my hunger

I am aware of your body
Tan and inviting
Luscious and firm

I am aware of your taste
Uniquely yours
An explosion in my mouth

I am aware of your finiteness
To be savored
And cherished while you are here

 

[another realm]

Don't you just love a morning burst of words?

Winter Tide
another realm

pre-dawn glow of another day
lunar lungs exhale breaths of life
onto rich and rimed primordial ooze

time infinitum

salt and ice dancing
each trying to lead the other to
a question of form or substance or mortality