New to BDSM life style/daddy kink PLEASE HELP

[celticsboy623]

Hey, me and my recent gf have both established that we are fairly kinky people. and its true. But I feel she is way more advanced in terms of this. Like we may have tried the same things, but she is deeper into this than I am. BUT i WANT TO BE. She is living it as more of a life style than just an extra sexual thing. and I think that I could start getting into it. I just want to know how I can really start living the BDSM lifestyle from day to day life. She is into the daddy kink. As in not just sexually but like day to day and stuff. Which I am fine with and sort of like. But then she sent me a pic the other night with her on her knees and her hands on her thighs with her palms face up, and she said it was a submissive pose. I had no idea what it meant before she told me. So thats the kinda stuff I want to learn about.

Thank you so much!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[celticsboy623]

Thank you for replying!! since im new, im also new to the forum, how do i click on stickies and what are stickies lol

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[celticsboy623]

lol yes thank you haha

 

[CutieMouse]

And just to emphasize how individualized BDSM relationships can be...

If someone wanted to be in a relationship with me, and they felt that kneeling/a submissive pose was any sort of necessary, they would quickly find themselves NOT in a relationship with me. lol

*To me* doing something I found in an online blog or read somewhere, doesn't make it special. My first reaction to your example was "huh... Somebody's read a few "slave blogs" or drunk the FetLife water... Or both." I've never been in a D/s relationship where kneeling in a "submissive pose" happened, much less mattered, yet I still tend to ID as a 24/7 pyl.

What makes me submissive (in my relationships), is that I agree to follow his lead. I do that only to the degree that he desires - which means how much control he takes, is completely at his discretion. Example - I mentioned that he can pick my clothes if he likes. His response? 'No, I like how you dress, and am not interested in adding another thing to my daily responsibilities.' So I pick out my own clothes.

Do you (as the PYL) care if she adopts a "submissive pose"? Does it benefit you? Do you want her to do it at specific times, all the time, or not at all? If she wants to submit to you, what does that look like [to you]? what does submission (and dominance) look like to her? How much overlap is there in your views?

The "lifestyle" aspect of this is simply ironing out what you want from the relationship. Because kneeling or not, it's still a relationship. You can make the D/s bits of it as simple or complex as you like...


*pyl = pick your label (submissive, bottom, slave, etc)
*PYL = Pick Your Label (Dominant, Top, Master, etc)

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[may_I_please]

In my head I rather like the ritualised submissive poses. But in reality they don't fit with my relationships...if I'm on my knees it's a sexual position with him and not a display position. But then we are not 24/7 ..our relationship, apart from sexually, is about equality and I probably take the responsibility for making more life decisions than he does

I do think stories and tumblr and google searches on points of interest can help improve your fantasies and your communication (sharing) and some fantasies you may wish to move to real life

As for how you find out more ...read, communicate and play ...no reason a Dominant can't learn from their submissive ..find out what you like together, if you can do it you can talk about it

 

[deedee94]

There is lots of literature on the net about being a Dom, and how you can go about it, your gf obviously has been studying it longer than you have.

I don't live it day to day, 24/7 for 2 reasons:
1. I think Id go nuts
2. Im the most insubordinate ungovernable sub there is at times (but then there are delicious consequences to that too)

There is so many many many different fetishes, you and your girlfriend need to settle on what suit you both, but you need to read, read, read, and then ask your questions.

 

[Que]

~snip~
What makes me submissive (in my relationships), is that I agree to follow his lead. I do that only to the degree that he desires - which means how much control he takes, is completely at his discretion. Example - I mentioned that he can pick my clothes if he likes. His response? 'No, I like how you dress, and am not interested in adding another thing to my daily responsibilities.' So I pick out my own clothes. ~snip~

Exactly. I'm not a big fan of the bratty submissive and I have been wondering why I don't care for it, and others thrive on that dynamic. I think it boils down to the fact that I really don't have any interest in being made to feel like I am herding cats. I want things to have a natural flow and not add a lot of actual work or effort to what is daily life. Perhaps I am lazy.

I think picking some wardrobe choices might be fun, but playing head garanimal selector daily would be exhausting. Better, I think, to express approval for a choice with a casual leer, and disapproval with an arched brow and leave it at that. If I find something off-putting or unattractive I wouldn't hesitate to speak up, but the whole idea of thinking for two seems a lot of work with minimal return.