New Story

[ronald87]

Hello,

I just posted my most recent story, The Adventures of Dennis Part 4 in Erotic Couplings. Read it! Tell me your thoughts!

 

[sr71plt]

The chapter is here: http://www.literotica.com/s/the-adventures-of-dennis-ch-04

 

[robertreams]

You need an editor. You use way too many 'still's ,'just's 'and's. At one point you say " as she. . . my cock the door opened". . . Wouldn't it be better if you said, as she. . . my cock, the door opened"? You made it sound as if your cock opened the door. This is only one example of many places that need improvement. Useages such as 'still' and 'just' show immaturity of writing and lack of command of language. Still means quiet, or a device for producing liquor. Just means right or equal or even. Do not say 'just' when you mean 'only' when you mean 'only' say only! Overuse of 'and' means you are writing run-ons.(trying to put too many ideas of different meaning into thsame sentence. Usually when this happens, it should be two sentences, or one part of the sentence should be given subordinate status. An example I frequently use is: "He lifted my skirt and rammed his cock deep in my pussy." Obviously "He lifted. . ." is less important than, "he rammed. . ." so one should not use 'and' which is only for equal usage. There are several ways to do this. My favorite is with a subordinate clause, using a gerund or participle (ing). "Lifting my skirt, he. . ." Another way would be to use an infinitive phrase: "He lifted my skirt, to. . . On a limited basis, this usage is not a problem, but if you find yourself using 'and' in every sentence, or every other sentence, or in any amount you consider excessive after re-reading, make the changes, doing so will smooth out your writing.