new story, requesting feedback

[Yshomatsu]

I've posted a new story, Ch 2 of my Jedi Stowaway adventure. I'm interested in and welcome any form of feedback. Main points I'm interested in hearing is how the plot/character dev. is coming along.

Thank you for your time,
Yshomatsu

http://www.literotica.com/s/jedi-stowaway-ch-02

 

[BCarlo]

Your writing shows marked improvement in the second chapter from the first, My biggest complaint would be that characters just seem to come out of nowhere. But Despite the issues I continued reading, which says a lot for story it's self, the plot is interesting, and if you continue to improve your writing I think you will have a very good story.

 

[Yshomatsu]

Thank you, the story didn't get good votes, the characters really do come out of no where sorry about that. I've been so busy with work I haven't had much time to write at all.

I was writing this story while waiting for the new starwars mmo to come out. But I think I need to get back on track with my succubus story, people have been bugging me about that =P