New Story Posted...

[BoneHur7]

Hi LITers,
I just posted a new story on the Forum, about a daughter who succeeds in convincing her dad and brother that it is okay to love one another... Would appreciate any feedback. Thanks.
-Bonehur7

 

[Iggy_Piggy]

Hi. You might want to post a link to the story in case there are others who are lazy like me.

 

[BoneHur7]

Here's the link...

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=290648

Thanks for any feedback...

 

[kbate]

The story overall was well done and written well enough.

I would recommend reading your dialogue aloud for future stories. I found the speech somewhat formal and stilted - and at times nonsequential or sounding out of place for events.

Slowly and softly somewhat overused. (adverb usage)

a little too cliche with her description - firm, full breasts...


Overall a good story.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Kbate is right. Dialogue does a lot for a story. First it defines your characteriztions. (Would Simon Legree be whispering sweet nothings in her ear?) Second it intensifies the action. For that reason the dialogue and the action have to be timed very closely. (You wouldn't have a character scream "Watch Out" at the funeral, for instance. It's a little late.)

Otherwise, you did a good job with just a few things to work on.