New story in Incest/taboo

[SimonDoom]

I've never linked to a story here for feedback before, but a new story of mine was just published in the incest/taboo category, and I'd appreciate some. It's a mom-son story, which is not everyone's cup of tea, I know. It's just over 3 pages, so it shouldn't take long to get through it.

My goal was to write a story that's somewhat strokish but not just strokish. Stroke plus, let's say. I intended to add enough buildup and motivation that it gave the sex some plausibility, but without pages and pages of drawn out buildup.

It's doing well in views and votes so far, but there have been very few comments relative to the votes, which I find frustrating. Would appreciate any (constructive) criticism.

Here are particular points on which I would appreciate feedback (it's a long list so feel free to pick and choose your topic):

1. Prose style -- what's good, what's bad
2. Character motivation -- believability
3. How backstory is woven into the story
4. Effectiveness/quality of sex scene
5. Overuse or avoidance of cliche
6. Ending -- did it seem appropriate?
7. Was something missing that would have made it better?
8. Did the pace seem right? Should it have been slowed down or sped up?
9. Proofreading/grammar/punctuation mistakes -- I appreciate having these pointed out. I know grammar well but I know I mistype things and miss things during the proof stage.

The link is here: https://www.literotica.com/s/mom-spreads-her-legs

 

[8letters]

It's doing well in views and votes so far, but there have been very few comments relative to the votes, which I find frustrating. Would appreciate any (constructive) criticism.

I started to read it, and I'll read it and give you some detailed criticism, but I just wanted to say that this to me is a likely sign that your beginning is boring and many readers are hitting the back button too soon. The ones who continue reading are liking it though.

 

[SimonDoom]

I started to read it, and I'll read it and give you some detailed criticism, but I just wanted to say that this to me is a likely sign that your beginning is boring and many readers are hitting the back button too soon. The ones who continue reading are liking it though.

Possibly. What makes me doubt that, though, is that the number of votes is quite high and my vote to view ratio is higher than that of some of my other I/T stories. It's at about 1:57 right now. That's higher than for some of my other stories, but perhaps it's lower than for other authors.

I appreciate your taking the time.

 

[8letters]

Possibly. What makes me doubt that, though, is that the number of votes is quite high and my vote to view ratio is higher than that of some of my other I/T stories. It's at about 1:57 right now. That's higher than for some of my other stories, but perhaps it's lower than for other authors.

I appreciate your taking the time.

What would you say is the first interesting thing that happens in the story?

 

[SimonDoom]

What would you say is the first interesting thing that happens in the story?

It's a good question. The first "action" takes place in the ninth paragraph. I realized that when I wrote it, which is partly why I began the story with what I thought would be an attention-grabbing, somewhat provocative, one-sentence paragraph that also summarizes the story.

Please go ahead with the criticism. I'm interested in what you have to say. It might be better if I let you finish and digest the whole thing first rather than tackle your questions one by one.

 

[SimonDoom]

Funny: since starting this thread I've gotten several more comments to the story, so I have no real cause to complain about the ratio of comments to views, but I'd definitely appreciate more in-depth comment/criticism.

 

[8letters]

Thoughts:
* Jack and Jill is a groan-inducing combination of names. You should have gone with better names

* You've got 800 words of narrative summary to start the story. That's deadly

* Someone walks in on someone else masturbating is SOOOO trite. And it seems totally unnecessary

* To me, the first interesting scene is when Jack starts taking pictures of his mom in the bikini. If you cut everything else before that down to a few paragraphs, your story would be much better. “Hey, honey. I’m going to start using a dating web site soon and as you’re a great photographer, would you take some pictures of me?”

* You've got a lot of boring action that you could cut
** Why is she putting on sunscreen when she's going to be outside for a few minutes?
** The description of her shaving could have been replaced with a short sentence
** Really, from "She also saw a few stray hairs" to "When she opened the back door" was a boring stretch

* You keep breaking first person which to me is a no-no. Either you regularly change POV's or you stay first person

* There's some really awkward/implausible stuff in your story:
** The son has the summer off after college before starting work in the fall. That sounds very odd unless he's got a job in academia
** The mom wants to date 20 years younger than she is for no particular reason? WTF?
** Her son has extensively used a match.com-like website? Really? Why the hell would he be doing that in college? Maybe it's just me, but I don't see college students using such a site as there are so many other ways of meeting women at that age
** She goes to the gym all the time, but "It had been a long time since she'd shown her body." What does she wear at the gym? A burka?
** The mom and son live in a house with a pool and she's uncomfortable having her son see her in a swim suit. Does she never use the pool when he's home?
** “The bushes stood deep-green and dense, screening the backyard from the eyes of potentially peeping neighbors.” That’s some big fucking bushes! Bringing it up makes it too obvious that there’ll be some backyard activity that should be shielded from the neighbors. And as you have to have a fence for a pool, a tall fence would work better
** "She reached for her wine glass and took a sip, and then a big gulp, and then another big gulp, until the glass was empty." Why did she just chug her glass of wine?
** "Jill felt giddy from the wine and the yoga stretching." Yoga stretching makes you giddy?
** "I mean, there are ordinary dating sites, and then there are sites for people who just want to hook up for a night.” That’s so painful to read. I read a little more and couldn’t take it anymore

A similar story is The Optocynic 5000 by Sir Sinn. I find that story a lot more fun and the way the pictures steadily ramp up works much better for me

 

[SimonDoom]

Thoughts:
* Jack and Jill is a groan-inducing combination of names. You should have gone with better names

* You've got 800 words of narrative summary to start the story. That's deadly

* Someone walks in on someone else masturbating is SOOOO trite. And it seems totally unnecessary

* To me, the first interesting scene is when Jack starts taking pictures of his mom in the bikini. If you cut everything else before that down to a few paragraphs, your story would be much better. “Hey, honey. I’m going to start using a dating web site soon and as you’re a great photographer, would you take some pictures of me?”

* You've got a lot of boring action that you could cut
** Why is she putting on sunscreen when she's going to be outside for a few minutes?
** The description of her shaving could have been replaced with a short sentence
** Really, from "She also saw a few stray hairs" to "When she opened the back door" was a boring stretch

* You keep breaking first person which to me is a no-no. Either you regularly change POV's or you stay first person

* There's some really awkward/implausible stuff in your story:
** The son has the summer off after college before starting work in the fall. That sounds very odd unless he's got a job in academia
** The mom wants to date 20 years younger than she is for no particular reason? WTF?
** Her son has extensively used a match.com-like website? Really? Why the hell would he be doing that in college? Maybe it's just me, but I don't see college students using such a site as there are so many other ways of meeting women at that age
** She goes to the gym all the time, but "It had been a long time since she'd shown her body." What does she wear at the gym? A burka?
** The mom and son live in a house with a pool and she's uncomfortable having her son see her in a swim suit. Does she never use the pool when he's home?
** “The bushes stood deep-green and dense, screening the backyard from the eyes of potentially peeping neighbors.” That’s some big fucking bushes! Bringing it up makes it too obvious that there’ll be some backyard activity that should be shielded from the neighbors. And as you have to have a fence for a pool, a tall fence would work better
** "She reached for her wine glass and took a sip, and then a big gulp, and then another big gulp, until the glass was empty." Why did she just chug her glass of wine?
** "Jill felt giddy from the wine and the yoga stretching." Yoga stretching makes you giddy?
** "I mean, there are ordinary dating sites, and then there are sites for people who just want to hook up for a night.” That’s so painful to read. I read a little more and couldn’t take it anymore

A similar story is The Optocynic 5000 by Sir Sinn. I find that story a lot more fun and the way the pictures steadily ramp up works much better for me

Thanks for the critique. You've given me some things to think about. I appreciate your digging into plot/action details that you found jarring or implausible or unnecessary.

The one thing I didn't understand was your comment about POV. The entire story is in the third person POV, mostly from the mom's point of view but with some description of what the son is thinking. So I did not understand your comment about first person. Did you mean that I switched from third person limited omnisicent to third person omniscient? I think that's true, to some extent. It's meant to be third person omniscient but with a focus on the mom's point of view more than the son's point of view.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Simon's penguin story

Well, you did ask, so here goes.

You know I'm a bit of a cynic when it comes to the Incest category, because it's all a bit too easy to pull the high numbers, get the punters screaming out for more - which they do here, except for one reader who says, stop now, nicely seen, it's enough. The thing about I&T commentary, looking in on the category from outside as I do (having only dabbled twice) is that the readers don't seem to be the most discerning lot, easily pleased from what I can see. Hit the tropes, bang, best story ever...today.

So I'm guessing you brought it here to the Feedback Forum on the off chance of slightly more useful feedback.

The problem, and indeed you actually use the word, is reading an Incest yarn becomes a game of Incest Bingo; tick off the tropes, rate them as 8letters did, as ridiculous or plausible, next.

Your opening sentence, yes, that got my attention. I'm interested. Eight, nine paras later, not so much. Infodump 101, but seriously, who cares? Sure, give me the backstory, but not in a big long list, not all up front. I'm dying in a ditch here, and I've just been told a bunch of stuff, blah, blah, blah. Less is more. Show, don't tell.

You set up a couple of hints as to a bit of power play, Jill knowing her command over men; but then you tell us dead hubby didn't fall for that, so we know the son won't either (Trope 37, son is just like Dad). So that idea went nowhere, which is probably a shame.

Pool, bushes, skimpy bikini, oh I'm so embarrassed, but now I'm not, Mom you're hot...and I'm trying not to tick them off any more; but mate, it's too hard, I can't stop shaking my head. Why, why, why is Simon doing this?

Having said all that, I warmed to Jill as a character, she's almost got three dimensions. But you've covered off the key elements in the info dump up front, so you don't let us discover her fullness as a character as we go along, in context; so she struggles to be whole. I reckon the banging on about, "oh I'm so old" was bollocks - hot 45 year old women know they're hot, they don't need Jack to tell them, especially when they've already got a drawer full of skimpy gear. If a 45 year old woman is losing her body pride, she's got a plain black one-piece, know what I mean?

Jack was a cardboard cut out for me, but again, Incest Bingo means he can't be much else.

The sex scenes were okay, buttons being pushed, the tropes being hit. But again, that's the problem - Incest stroke is all about tropes, 69 - 99, tick 'em off.

There was nothing in the technical construction getting in the way, grammar, spelling all seemed okay. I wasn't reading every word by the end (my bingo card had no more boxes left), but nothing glaringly horrible. I have no clue what 8letters is on about - it's all third omniscient, the bits I read.

You've alluded, I think, to your own uncertainty here. If you're going to elevate the Art of Incest from its not terribly high a bar (generally speaking) I reckon you've got to go the whole hog on the emotion and intimacy, really make us want Jack to boff Jill. As it is, you get to the next row on the card, and we're ticking something else off.

There is some stunning material in the Incest Category, but so much dross also. Kudos for trying to raise the bar, but I'm not sure Mom and Johnny by the pool is ever original enough to get you there.

I reckon, Simon, but this is just me, that you should quit trying for the high numbers for a while, and write something with real passion. I think you're selling yourself short, writing cliches. Move up a notch. Push yourself harder. Get outside the box.

 

[SimonDoom]

Well, you did ask, so here goes.

You know I'm a bit of a cynic when it comes to the Incest category, because it's all a bit too easy to pull the high numbers, get the punters screaming out for more - which they do here, except for one reader who says, stop now, nicely seen, it's enough. The thing about I&T commentary, looking in on the category from outside as I do (having only dabbled twice) is that the readers don't seem to be the most discerning lot, easily pleased from what I can see. Hit the tropes, bang, best story ever...today.

So I'm guessing you brought it here to the Feedback Forum on the off chance of slightly more useful feedback.

The problem, and indeed you actually use the word, is reading an Incest yarn becomes a game of Incest Bingo; tick off the tropes, rate them as 8letters did, as ridiculous or plausible, next.

Your opening sentence, yes, that got my attention. I'm interested. Eight, nine paras later, not so much. Infodump 101, but seriously, who cares? Sure, give me the backstory, but not in a big long list, not all up front. I'm dying in a ditch here, and I've just been told a bunch of stuff, blah, blah, blah. Less is more. Show, don't tell.

You set up a couple of hints as to a bit of power play, Jill knowing her command over men; but then you tell us dead hubby didn't fall for that, so we know the son won't either (Trope 37, son is just like Dad). So that idea went nowhere, which is probably a shame.

Pool, bushes, skimpy bikini, oh I'm so embarrassed, but now I'm not, Mom you're hot...and I'm trying not to tick them off any more; but mate, it's too hard, I can't stop shaking my head. Why, why, why is Simon doing this?

Having said all that, I warmed to Jill as a character, she's almost got three dimensions. But you've covered off the key elements in the info dump up front, so you don't let us discover her fullness as a character as we go along, in context; so she struggles to be whole. I reckon the banging on about, "oh I'm so old" was bollocks - hot 45 year old women know they're hot, they don't need Jack to tell them, especially when they've already got a drawer full of skimpy gear. If a 45 year old woman is losing her body pride, she's got a plain black one-piece, know what I mean?

Jack was a cardboard cut out for me, but again, Incest Bingo means he can't be much else.

The sex scenes were okay, buttons being pushed, the tropes being hit. But again, that's the problem - Incest stroke is all about tropes, 69 - 99, tick 'em off.

There was nothing in the technical construction getting in the way, grammar, spelling all seemed okay. I wasn't reading every word by the end (my bingo card had no more boxes left), but nothing glaringly horrible. I have no clue what 8letters is on about - it's all third omniscient, the bits I read.

You've alluded, I think, to your own uncertainty here. If you're going to elevate the Art of Incest from its not terribly high a bar (generally speaking) I reckon you've got to go the whole hog on the emotion and intimacy, really make us want Jack to boff Jill. As it is, you get to the next row on the card, and we're ticking something else off.

There is some stunning material in the Incest Category, but so much dross also. Kudos for trying to raise the bar, but I'm not sure Mom and Johnny by the pool is ever original enough to get you there.

I reckon, Simon, but this is just me, that you should quit trying for the high numbers for a while, and write something with real passion. I think you're selling yourself short, writing cliches. Move up a notch. Push yourself harder. Get outside the box.

Thanks for taking the time to read it. I know it's not your thing so I appreciate your indulging me.

Actually, I do intend to move on; my next story is completely different, but I'll keep your comments in mind even as I leave mom-son behind (for now, I can't guarantee forever).

 

[ElectricBlue]

Thanks for taking the time to read it. I know it's not your thing so I appreciate your indulging me.

Actually, I do intend to move on; my next story is completely different, but I'll keep your comments in mind even as I leave mom-son behind (for now, I can't guarantee forever).

If we didn't indulge each other, who else will do it?

Yeah, give your mom a break

My cynicism extends only so far - a sibcest story has been bubbling in the back of my mind for a long while (but if I'm going to do it I need to go in pretty deep, otherwise why bother?), and I'm doing a father / daughter chapter in my "stupid big thing" right now - but have no idea how far it will go.

 

[btaga3]

I can't get into the details as others did, as I lack the vocabulary necessary.

I tried the story as I'm a big fan of mother/son incest. (Favorite author is alwayswantedto and xyster.)

The technical competence of the story was there. I wasn't annoyed by any of those aspects.

I'm am not a fan of the situation. I think plausibility in these stories is very important. I have to as a reader be convinced that this very unlikely scenario can actually happen. Of course as I'm a fan of the genre I willingly suspend my disbelief so I'm not a hard person to convince.
I just don't think mother drinking one glass of wine and being almost naked is enough for the act to happen.
Maybe if the story started with her being on a dating site and looking at younger hunks. She sees that they click on her profile but then the website informs her they only stay an average of 30 seconds, that would be more motivation to spice it up a notch. But the only person for advice what young men want is her son.

I don't think this would salvage this story for me as I'm not a fan of they both decide out of the blue today that they should fuck. That only works plausibility wise if they are intoxicated and that's not very sexy either, to me.

And for stroke, which I'm not a fan of, I don't think the sex scene is that thrilling either. For a comparison of this "let's do it now" setup without the weeks of build up I think lovecraft68's Mom Loves To Suck is quite good. Admittedly what works in its benefit is that it has a higher page count to work with, so maybe it doesn't count as stroke.

 

[SimonDoom]

I can't get into the details as others did, as I lack the vocabulary necessary.

I tried the story as I'm a big fan of mother/son incest. (Favorite author is alwayswantedto and xyster.)

The technical competence of the story was there. I wasn't annoyed by any of those aspects.

I'm am not a fan of the situation. I think plausibility in these stories is very important. I have to as a reader be convinced that this very unlikely scenario can actually happen. Of course as I'm a fan of the genre I willingly suspend my disbelief so I'm not a hard person to convince.
I just don't think mother drinking one glass of wine and being almost naked is enough for the act to happen.
Maybe if the story started with her being on a dating site and looking at younger hunks. She sees that they click on her profile but then the website informs her they only stay an average of 30 seconds, that would be more motivation to spice it up a notch. But the only person for advice what young men want is her son.

I don't think this would salvage this story for me as I'm not a fan of they both decide out of the blue today that they should fuck. That only works plausibility wise if they are intoxicated and that's not very sexy either, to me.

And for stroke, which I'm not a fan of, I don't think the sex scene is that thrilling either. For a comparison of this "let's do it now" setup without the weeks of build up I think lovecraft68's Mom Loves To Suck is quite good. Admittedly what works in its benefit is that it has a higher page count to work with, so maybe it doesn't count as stroke.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I appreciate it.

 

[8letters]

The one thing I didn't understand was your comment about POV. The entire story is in the third person POV, mostly from the mom's point of view but with some description of what the son is thinking. So I did not understand your comment about first person. Did you mean that I switched from third person limited omnisicent to third person omniscient? I think that's true, to some extent. It's meant to be third person omniscient but with a focus on the mom's point of view more than the son's point of view.

As I don't have a writing background, I'm not sure of the technical terms here. It's third person, but it starts out told from Jill's point of view. We go through her history, we see her thoughts, we feel what she's physically feeling. Once the action start, we see it essentially from her shoulder. I think incest stories are best when told from a single point of view (though there are exceptions) as that way, there's the mystery of what does the other person think about the main character having forbidden feelings for him or her.

Then we start getting occasional glimpses from Jack's point of view. I found those akin to breaking the fourth wall. We don't know jack about Jack. We certainly don't know enough to understand or appreciate his point of view. Jack was surprised. He had no idea his mom had started dating again. Jack seems upset that his mom has already gone out on a couple of dates. Why? There's no answer - our brief visit to Jack's head is over with us knowing less about Jack then before we popped in. We keep hopping into Jack's head seemingly at random and each visit provides us little beyond Jack's surface feeling at that moment.

 

[SimonDoom]

As I don't have a writing background, I'm not sure of the technical terms here. It's third person, but it starts out told from Jill's point of view. We go through her history, we see her thoughts, we feel what she's physically feeling. Once the action start, we see it essentially from her shoulder. I think incest stories are best when told from a single point of view (though there are exceptions) as that way, there's the mystery of what does the other person think about the main character having forbidden feelings for him or her.

Then we start getting occasional glimpses from Jack's point of view. I found those akin to breaking the fourth wall. We don't know jack about Jack. We certainly don't know enough to understand or appreciate his point of view. Jack was surprised. He had no idea his mom had started dating again. Jack seems upset that his mom has already gone out on a couple of dates. Why? There's no answer - our brief visit to Jack's head is over with us knowing less about Jack then before we popped in. We keep hopping into Jack's head seemingly at random and each visit provides us little beyond Jack's surface feeling at that moment.

It's a fair point, and it's one I was keenly aware of while writing the story. I think you can go both ways in an incest story: tell it from one point of view, or from both, but I think it's fair to say that if you are going to do it from both you have to do justice to both characters. This story is mostly from mom's POV, but strays into son's POV a few times. It probably would have been better just to observe Jack without getting into his head. I do appreciate the time and criticism. I don't agree with everything you wrote but some of your observations were very astute and give me food for thought.

 

[8letters]

I think you can go both ways in an incest story: tell it from one point of view, or from both, but I think it's fair to say that if you are going to do it from both you have to do justice to both characters.

Here is a mother-son story told from both points of view which I thought worked very well.

 

[AwkwardMD]

It does have first person narrative shifts. Any time the narrative says "I think" or "I want" without showing us through formatting that we're in Jill's head.

This seems weird, she thought. I shouldn't be having my son take these. The water lapped quietly against the sides.

Vs

This seems weird, she thought. I shouldn't be having him take these. The water lapped quietly against the sides.

The formatting makes a difference here, because we can see exactly what is internal monologue and what is Jill's thoughts. In the latter example, I'm reading that descriptive sentence in Jill's voice rather thsn the neutral voice of the narrator.

I wanted to review this too, but 8letters and EB66 hit most of the points I was going to make. Info dump, plausability is a stretch, head hopping, narrative shifts, and 'Jack, John, and Jill'.

The character motivations seem thin. Jack doesn't seem to want anything except to do his mom, and Jill goes along with it at every step because... reasons. The infodump gives us a lot of backstory for Jill but nothing about Jill's relationship with her son. That's the most important thing you could have given us because it tells us where they're starting. Jack ordering her around could just be another day at the House of J. We have no idea if that constitutes growth.

 

[8letters]

I want to expand on one thing that I had as one line in my review that no one else seems to have picked up on.

I thought you did a great job of creating Jill as a one-man woman. She was happily married for a long time and still badly misses her husband. Though she had a great sex life with him, she's not comfortable with other men even seeing her skimpily dressed. Dating doesn't appeal to her because she's not comfortable with romance outside of a long-term relationship, but she knows she can't get to another long-term relationship without dating.

Then her son says, "Why don't you sign up for a website for people who are looking for casual sex? You're looking to get fucked by some young stud who wants only a one night stand, aren't you?" To me, that should have deeply offended Jill. It's a terrible thing for a son to say to his mom. It destroyed for me whatever chemistry was building between Jack and Jill. It should have created a crisis. But in your story, it was just idle banter.

To me, you had a choice in the set up of your story. If you wanted Jill to be the way you described her in the first page and a half, then you should have axed that bit of dialogue and written the rest of the story so that she eventually sees Jack as her next long-term partner. If you want Jill to be someone who responds positively to her son asking if she's looking for one night stand with a young stud, you should have described her in the first page and a half as a woman who, though she was very happy in her marriage, is now regretting not having had more sexual adventures when she was younger and the thought of having a one night stand with a young stud does appeal to her now that she has the freedom to do such a thing.

 

[SimonDoom]

I want to expand on one thing that I had as one line in my review that no one else seems to have picked up on.

I thought you did a great job of creating Jill as a one-man woman. She was happily married for a long time and still badly misses her husband. Though she had a great sex life with him, she's not comfortable with other men even seeing her skimpily dressed. Dating doesn't appeal to her because she's not comfortable with romance outside of a long-term relationship, but she knows she can't get to another long-term relationship without dating.

Then her son says, "Why don't you sign up for a website for people who are looking for casual sex? You're looking to get fucked by some young stud who wants only a one night stand, aren't you?" To me, that should have deeply offended Jill. It's a terrible thing for a son to say to his mom. It destroyed for me whatever chemistry was building between Jack and Jill. It should have created a crisis. But in your story, it was just idle banter.

To me, you had a choice in the set up of your story. If you wanted Jill to be the way you described her in the first page and a half, then you should have axed that bit of dialogue and written the rest of the story so that she eventually sees Jack as her next long-term partner. If you want Jill to be someone who responds positively to her son asking if she's looking for one night stand with a young stud, you should have described her in the first page and a half as a woman who, though she was very happy in her marriage, is now regretting not having had more sexual adventures when she was younger and the thought of having a one night stand with a young stud does appeal to her now that she has the freedom to do such a thing.

This is useful criticism. Thanks. I appreciate the level of detail with which you've analyzed what the characters are doing and the plausibility of specific things they do. It gives me something to think about going forward.

 

[SimonDoom]

The infodump gives us a lot of backstory for Jill but nothing about Jill's relationship with her son. That's the most important thing you could have given us because it tells us where they're starting. Jack ordering her around could just be another day at the House of J. We have no idea if that constitutes growth.

Good point. The treatment of the son is thin, I have to admit. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

 

[AwkwardMD]

That's not uncommon. The male protagonist in stories is often a faceless vehicle for reader self-insertion. That works well in stories where the protagonist is thrown into circumstances beyond their control (why is my mother hitting on me?), but it is a flaw when the protagonist is the primary driver of the action (why am I hitting on my mother?).

 

[lovecraft68]

I can't get into the details as others did, as I lack the vocabulary necessary.

I tried the story as I'm a big fan of mother/son incest. (Favorite author is alwayswantedto and xyster.)

The technical competence of the story was there. I wasn't annoyed by any of those aspects.

I'm am not a fan of the situation. I think plausibility in these stories is very important. I have to as a reader be convinced that this very unlikely scenario can actually happen. Of course as I'm a fan of the genre I willingly suspend my disbelief so I'm not a hard person to convince.
I just don't think mother drinking one glass of wine and being almost naked is enough for the act to happen.
Maybe if the story started with her being on a dating site and looking at younger hunks. She sees that they click on her profile but then the website informs her they only stay an average of 30 seconds, that would be more motivation to spice it up a notch. But the only person for advice what young men want is her son.

I don't think this would salvage this story for me as I'm not a fan of they both decide out of the blue today that they should fuck. That only works plausibility wise if they are intoxicated and that's not very sexy either, to me.

And for stroke, which I'm not a fan of, I don't think the sex scene is that thrilling either. For a comparison of this "let's do it now" setup without the weeks of build up I think lovecraft68's Mom Loves To Suck is quite good. Admittedly what works in its benefit is that it has a higher page count to work with, so maybe it doesn't count as stroke.

Thanks for the mention. To clarify mom loves to suck is my version of stroke-or it was at the time-I still like some back story and build up. I've come to the conclusion(as we speak I'm breaking off for a couple minutes from a father daughter piece) the build up is to wind myself up as much as the reader.

despite the length I consider it stroke because mom.son's motivations were a stroky out partners don't like oral, but we do so....yeah, stroky.

I've since done a bunch of shorts for the paid market where mom and son are already 'involved' so I can get away with short builds and long sex as no ice breaking is needed.

 

[lovecraft68]

To jump in on some conversation here. The incest bingo thing both makes me nod-as I agree to a point-but roll my eyes in the way everyone thinks its easy to write a solid I/T story

as for ticking boxes and tropes etc...I've done it, but I've also thrown in more grim realistic devices and still pulled off some success here. (if you have a lot of time The Return of Molly Minx is not the average incest story.)

I haven't posted a story in a long time and consider myself retired.

But I've decided that I have one story that I'd really like to both share with the readers and use as a bit of a finger wave to disparages of the category and also a bit of a reminder of why I did so well in I/T over the years.

So watch out come the Halloween contest because I have something special in store for the I/T crowd and its done in my IDGAF style of caring what works and doesn't.

 

[ElectricBlue]

To jump in on some conversation here. The incest bingo thing both makes me nod-as I agree to a point-but roll my eyes in the way everyone thinks its easy to write a solid I/T story.

That's my point - I think it is very hard indeed to write a exceptionally good Incest story, which is why there are so few of them. Some of the best work I have seen on Lit are I&T (e.g.: PacoFear, Carnal_Flower, some by that Lovcraft guy ) but they set the bar so high the great wash of material doesn't get close.

Over on AH I alluded to Incest being the penguin category - they all look the same, and to stand out (for me) they have to be on a high rock indeed - precisely to get away from the bingo cliche tropes. I mean, let's face it, Mom in the back seat and my sister's hot... hardly the most imaginative story content.

Good incest story telling, sailing the edge of the taboo, dodging the squick, keeping it credible etc.would be hard, I agree. Kudos to the masters, but there's an awful lot of apprentices and what seems to be a fairly undiscerning audience. There's gold in them thar hills, but an awful lot of junk, too.

 

[lovecraft68]

That's my point - I think it is very hard indeed to write a exceptionally good Incest story, which is why there are so few of them. Some of the best work I have seen on Lit are I&T (e.g.: PacoFear, Carnal_Flower, some by that Lovcraft guy ) but they set the bar so high the great wash of material doesn't get close.

Over on AH I alluded to Incest being the penguin category - they all look the same, and to stand out (for me) they have to be on a high rock indeed - precisely to get away from the bingo cliche tropes. I mean, let's face it, Mom in the back seat and my sister's hot... hardly the most imaginative story content.

Good incest story telling, sailing the edge of the taboo, dodging the squick, keeping it credible etc.would be hard, I agree. Kudos to the masters, but there's an awful lot of apprentices and what seems to be a fairly undiscerning audience. There's gold in them thar hills, but an awful lot of junk, too.

IN the realm of I/T the name Alwayswantedto is always mentioned as the undisputed master. I'd be hard pressed to argue as I always saw him that way, but in mother/son which is pretty much all he wrote.

To me Paco Fear-who only did sib stories-was even better. he captured the true love and emotion that people who don't like or understand the category scrunch their faces up and say 'love?" but anyone who knows I/T knows the readers do enjoy that as much as the sex.

Words on Skin is PF's standard, but personally I feel Stolen Kisses is on par with it.

Also when I was brand new here and having issues with getting a story submitted and questions about I/T I reached out to him. I was brand new, only a couple of stories under my belt and he hadn't been writing for awhile, but he got back to me and in long lengthy detail and really helped me out.

As time went on here and I saw some of the tools that are out there or authors who think they're better than or just can't be bothered I appreciated his helping me even more. I've always used him as an example when someone contacts me for help and my first thought is I don't have time for this...I think of how well he treated me and I make time.

I've done the 'fun fluffy' I've done some stroke and I've done some I don't care what they like here's my story. I will sound a little cocky in saying to this day there is nothing out there like my Siblings with Benefits series. I'll now walk back the cocky and say there could be reasons for that.

But it was my first effort and a long series and the darkest I/T story you can find and full of everything they hate. So I think starting out by not really caring, helped me as a writer because I was never obsessed with the vote/view and paved the way for me to write the more fun stuff a lot easier.

As for what you're saying about the audience. There are some that day in day out can be handed 'mom sees son's dick and jumps on it' and will rave over it. Its all they need and they're easy to write so they'll always exist, especially for people obsessed with stats.

Oh, and Carnal Flower....The Witching Hour and Baby Doll are well worth a read for anyone seeing this.