New Story From darkknight01 Feedback Requested

[darkknight01]

Hello every one. I have posted a new story and would love to get some feedback on my new story.

Here is a sample:

Discovering Kingston

Watching Kingston in the shower through the reflection of the bathroom mirror was making Rebecca reconsider waiting. He'd been a perfect gentleman with her - wining and dining her and treating her with the utmost respect. But Rebecca was hesitant to get into a relationship with Kingston. This was the first time she had ever dated a black man. Her folks seemed to be ok with it but she was unsure about her friends. She couldn't help but notice the way some Black women looked at her when Kingston and her were out. Like she had gotten away with murder and was still running around on the streets. The site of Kingston's tantalizing dick in the mirror brought on an orgasmic tingle throughout Rebecca's body that erased all hesitation. It was huge! It hung from Kingston's body like an enormous exotic fruit covered in the mist of the rain forest. The tightness of his smooth flawless dark body confirmed that with each thrust, Rebecca would reach new heights of pleasure. With this thought, her hand unknowingly found the center of her throbbing excitement. Rebecca was reluctant to move it away, but she did so out of fear that Kingston would notice it there.

As he turned in full view of her, Rebecca caught the sight of what this fine, virile black man had to offer. She loved his smooth dark chocolate skin, his athletic six foot two frame and, his jet-black hair that was cut very short, just about bald and his clean-shaven face. A gasp escaped her lips with her discovery. She was caught. Kingston turned to her with a look of confidence and seduction. He didn't acknowledge her right away, but instead began to slowly stroke his manhood to tease Rebecca.

Rebecca couldn't believe what he was doing. Kingston leisurely stepped out of the shower and walked past her. He knew she was watching him in the shower with her mouth wide open. He knew she wanted him. Rebecca wanted Kingston to fuck her, but didn't know how to tell him....

Are you hooked? Read the rest at this link. http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=341492

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[voluptuary_manque]

I have too many African-American friends who are offended by this endless myth of their enormous penises. It's another stereotype we could lose real quick!

 

[sr71plt]

when she and Kingston were out

sight of Kingston's tantelizing . . . whatever

. . . speaking of which, I agree with the last posting. This was possibly the worst excerpt you could have picked to entice further reading on a board where this sort of image is overdone in direct proprotion to the size of . . . well, you know what.

Other than that, your descriptive writing seems quite good.

 

[janice k]

I loved this story.. I can't seem to get enough of the interracial stories with black men and white women and with these two sisters, it seemed as if they couldn't get enough of it either. It seems as if some of the other comments were not in favor of stories like this but for those who don't enjoy the black man/white woman scene, why do you take the time to read it to make the comments you do. Why not save it for those who enjoy IR and leave the comments for them to decide if it's a good one or a bad one.. For example and what I'm trying to say...I don't like the incest or gay stories, but that doesn't mean that I go to every one of those stories and bash it for what it is...

I myself have been involved in an interracial affair with a black man for almost 14 years now and have a few other very close girlfriends who also have black lovers. No, it's not for everyone but for those of us that are, we wouldn't be into it if we didn't prefer black men...for reasons, much the same as if a guy prefers blonds.. So again, if you're not interested in reading interracial, don't read them and save the comments for those who do..Just my two cents worth.

Hello every one. I have posted a new story and would love to get some feedback on my new story.

Here is a sample:

Discovering Kingston

Watching Kingston in the shower through the reflection of the bathroom mirror was making Rebecca reconsider waiting. He'd been a perfect gentleman with her - wining and dining her and treating her with the utmost respect. But Rebecca was hesitant to get into a relationship with Kingston. This was the first time she had ever dated a black man. Her folks seemed to be ok with it but she was unsure about her friends. She couldn't help but notice the way some Black women looked at her when Kingston and her were out. Like she had gotten away with murder and was still running around on the streets. The site of Kingston's tantalizing dick in the mirror brought on an orgasmic tingle throughout Rebecca's body that erased all hesitation. It was huge! It hung from Kingston's body like an enormous exotic fruit covered in the mist of the rain forest. The tightness of his smooth flawless dark body confirmed that with each thrust, Rebecca would reach new heights of pleasure. With this thought, her hand unknowingly found the center of her throbbing excitement. Rebecca was reluctant to move it away, but she did so out of fear that Kingston would notice it there.

As he turned in full view of her, Rebecca caught the sight of what this fine, virile black man had to offer. She loved his smooth dark chocolate skin, his athletic six foot two frame and, his jet-black hair that was cut very short, just about bald and his clean-shaven face. A gasp escaped her lips with her discovery. She was caught. Kingston turned to her with a look of confidence and seduction. He didn't acknowledge her right away, but instead began to slowly stroke his manhood to tease Rebecca.

Rebecca couldn't believe what he was doing. Kingston leisurely stepped out of the shower and walked past her. He knew she was watching him in the shower with her mouth wide open. He knew she wanted him. Rebecca wanted Kingston to fuck her, but didn't know how to tell him....

Are you hooked? Read the rest at this link. http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=341492

View attachment 813456

 

[GroovyMimi53]

Excellent!

I completely disagree with the others that it was such a terrible thing to write that he was huge. Whether he was black, white or green...I think women LOVE to fantasize about HUGE COCK - PERIOD! Just my humble opinion.

And...I loved the story! Thank you!

 

[sr71plt]

I have too many African-American friends who are offended by this endless myth of their enormous penises. It's another stereotype we could lose real quick!

Sorry, I understand what you say about stereotyping, but I'm having a really, really hard time latching into the mind-set of someone being offended about having an enormous penis. I think I need a drink.

 

[GroovyMimi53]

Ditto!!!

Sorry, I understand what you say about stereotyping, but I'm having a really, really hard time latching into the mind-set of someone being offended about having an enormous penis. I think I need a drink.

Uh...YUEAAAAHHHH! LOL!!! How can ANY man be offended by that!!!

 

[Alegra_Duncan]

Uh...YUEAAAAHHHH! LOL!!! How can ANY many be offended by that!!!

Maybe he's not black OR well endowed?

 

[FernieLyn]

not bashing...

but constructive criticism. I didn't like the story, not because it's interracial (I read IR stories), but because of the stereotype promoted in the story that black men are super-hung. You can still have a good erotic story without really dwelling on the sizes of body parts, IMHO. Other than that, the descriptions were well-written and the story has potential. Also, if the author posted his/her story in the boards, then s/he should be ready to take the +/- comments.

 

[Rob_mDear]

The writing, not the author's choice of characters

I actually think the cock size thing is missing the point.

I personally was put off by the first five sentences. They came off (to me) as a rather flat list of stereotyped thoughts and descriptions for a woman dating a black guy.

Her folks seemed to be ok with it? Come on, nothing is that black and white (pardon the pun). It sounds like their opinion on which color car she chose to buy. Her reaction to it is similarly bland. This should have been a major point of angst and uncertainty for her, no matter how "well behaved" her parents seemed.

He'd been a perfect gentlemen... implying that that's unexpected from a black man?

This was the first time she'd ever dated a black man... so there should be an emotional reaction. Does she feel embarrassed herself? Excited, like she's doing something wicked? Uncertain of what her friends might think, and bothered by it? Fulfilling a long time fantasy? It's an awfully flat statement for what is supposedly going to be a key point of tension in the story.

Basically, I think that "tension" sums it up. The beginning of the story does everything it can to take all the tension out of the situation.

Beyond this, if she's not going to sleep with him yet, what's he doing naked in the shower with her nearby? That's awfully convenient... "no, we're not sleeping together so soon, but do you want to shower in front of me?" Or did I miss something? This might be easier to take if we knew exactly how long they'd been dating, but I personally never showered and dressed with a woman until after we'd been sleeping together for quite a while.

Lastly, as soon as I started reading the story (beyond the snippet posted here), there was an abrupt change of point of view from hers to his in the first few paragraphs, with no clear delineation. Normally, one would put a line with a few asterisks (***) to clue the reader. If the point of view jumps like this throughout the story, I'd find it too hard to read and to follow.

Sorry to have so many criticisms, but I think they're easy things to fix, to improve the story.

 

[sr71plt]

but constructive criticism. I didn't like the story, not because it's interracial (I read IR stories), but because of the stereotype promoted in the story that black men are super-hung. You can still have a good erotic story without really dwelling on the sizes of body parts, IMHO. Other than that, the descriptions were well-written and the story has potential. Also, if the author posted his/her story in the boards, then s/he should be ready to take the +/- comments.

My assumption then is that you are neither black nor a man (or, if a black woman, you have turf problems)--and perhaps a tad too anal retentive. Erotic fiction writing is all about fantasy and much about taking advantage of commonly perceived images to connect with a reader's basic experience/perceptions. Show me a black male who is distressed about being stereotyped as being super hung during the "shopping" phase. And if you can point to one, why isn't he the one doing the objecting?

I agree that the image shouldn't be used as much as it is (although I've used it--mainly because the ones I modeled the stories on were, in fact, super hung). But that's because the image gets trite and limiting when it's overused in stories, not because I look around for one of the causes and campaigns to plug on behalf of issues I don't really relate to and people who aren't as disadvantages or caring about the outrage as I've chosen to be. If you thought it was limited or trite because the image is overused, that's one thing, and is a legitmate literary criticism comment--if you take up the arms against a stereotype on some sort of political correctness campaign basis, that's another thing altogether.

Not intending to prolong this argument, but I suggest you are majoring in the minors to choose this as an issue to spill ire over. I can't imagine a black man being upset for the general thinking--whether tested out or not--to be that he is super hung when's he's walking into a bar to cruise and wanting to score.

 

[darkknight01]

My assumption then is that you are neither black nor a man (or, if a black woman, you have turf problems)--and perhaps a tad too anal retentive. Erotic fiction writing is all about fantasy and much about taking advantage of commonly perceived images to connect with a reader's basic experience/perceptions. Show me a black male who is distressed about being stereotyped as being super hung during the "shopping" phase. And if you can point to one, why isn't he the one doing the objecting?

I agree that the image shouldn't be used as much as it is (although I've used it--mainly because the ones I modeled the stories on were, in fact, super hung). But that's because the image gets trite and limiting when it's overused in stories, not because I look around for one of the causes and campaigns to plug on behalf of issues I don't really relate to and people who aren't as disadvantages or caring about the outrage as I've chosen to be. If you thought it was limited or trite because the image is overused, that's one thing, and is a legitmate literary criticism comment--if you take up the arms against a stereotype on some sort of political correctness campaign basis, that's another thing altogether.

Not intending to prolong this argument, but I suggest you are majoring in the minors to choose this as an issue to spill ire over. I can't imagine a black man being upset for the general thinking--whether tested out or not--to be that he is super hung when's he's walking into a bar to cruise and wanting to score.

Thanks so much for you kind words. My erotic writings are just that fiction and fantasy. In the story I describe the male character as huge from the female's characters point of view. Note that huge is relative from one persons view to another. Huge to one person could be average or small to another person. I do like to leave some things up to the readers imagination. It's said to know some people have such a problem with this point.