New story, curious what folks think

[Lionheart72]

My third story, Missy Ch 1: Punished is up and I'm curious what people think of it.

It's just a little spanking. I know it's short, sweet and to the point but that the way I like my stories.

Hope you like it.

 

[_Lynn_]

You could maybe tighten the first three paragraphs and make them one. Then get into the real story. It's short and to the point, but you've said that's your preference. Since it's titled a chapter, we know this isn't the end of the story. There's not really much to comment on, but it is a start.

I'd suggest submitting more chapters and then see what comments/feedback you get.

 

[Lionheart72]

Thank you for your comments.

Part two is up now, though in retrospect I think I might have done it a little differently.

 

[ericahope]

Thank you for your comments.

Part two is up now, though in retrospect I think I might have done it a little differently.

I read both Parts I and II. It might just be my preference, but for me to get aroused by a story there needs to be some build up or tension before the actual sex ensues. I think this is the case for many Lit readers. I also need to be invested in the characters. I don't really care about any of these people because I don't know anything about them other than you're engaged to one and used to date the other, who's submissive. I think you should try creating some scenes where we learn about the characters and get to know them a little before the sex.

Also, I'd try filling in the backstory without making it read like a newspaper article. Perhaps the reader could learn about the past through the characters' conversation.

Erica

 

[Lionheart72]

Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.

As a reader here, I have the opposite preference. If the action doesn't start pretty quickly, I either skip down or click away.

That could make for an interesting challenge for me... how to introduce the characters in a meanful way, but in a short time.

Any thoughts on that?

 

[CWatson]

As a reader here, I have the opposite preference. If the action doesn't start pretty quickly, I either skip down or click away.

That gets into one of the dichotomies of this site: namely, it caters to two completely separate demographics.

On one hand, you have people who come here for erotica. They look for stories, with plot, character development and good craftsmanship, that also happen to have sex in them.

On the other, you have people who come here for porn. They want sizzling-hot, graphic prose about sex. They want to be aroused and titillated. They want to get off. To them, plot and character is a waste of time--not necessarily because those things are bad, but because that's not what they're here for. I mean, do you watch porn for the acting, or for the fucking? Same standard.

You can't please both demographics. Can't. Your own reading responses prove that. So don't try, you'll just drive yourself mad. Instead, decide which camp you fall in / are writing for, and focus in that direction.

Also, I think what Erica was complaining about was not so much the length but the scale. (I'm putting words in your mouth here, lady, so shoot me down if I'm mis-speaking. ) Personally, I found that the length of the set-up was proportioned correctly to the sex. Yes, the whole story was short, but it was evenly divided--50% build-up, 50% sex--which is a good proportion. So I think what Erica was saying was not, "You should have a higher percentage of talk," or at least not just that. She was also saying, "The stories I read are typically three or more times this one's length, and so the small number of words devoted to build-up threw me off as well."

That could make for an interesting challenge for me... how to introduce the characters in a meanful way, but in a short time.

As to this question... Okay, I rescind my comment that you can't please both demographics. Maybe you can. But it'll be tricky.

What you would need to do is build character moments into the sex. That way you are writing a story that accomplishes both goals: not only are you doing sizzling-hot fucking, but you're also building out the characters, simultaneously. Now, this is a difficult task: people don't (typically) stop for conversations in the middle of sex. Between sex, sure, but not in the middle of; and besides, you're limited to one- or two-sentence interjections, because your audience thinks stopping for a conversation is a waste of time. So what you're going to have to do is build character using only those one- or two-sentence interjections. And that's hard. It requires the mind of a poet, someone who debates over every single word. It also requires you, paradoxically, to know your characters really, really well--because they only have, you know, five or six sentences to present themselves, and so each of those sentences has to be perfect. Add to this the fact that they're presenting themselves in the context of sex, which limits the conversation topics--I mean, you can't have your lady gasp out "I always thought Galileo was hopelessly naive" between orgasms. (Well, maybe she could, but she'd get a lot of weird looks. For instance, from the guy doing her.)

...Looking over all that, I'm fairly sure that there would be better ways to characterize your characters during sex. Pixel descriptions, for instance, sparked by association--little quirks delivered during the narrative. "His eyes never left her as she walked, giving him a smoldering look over her shoulder before she vanished into the bathroom. In the kitchen, she never used handles, just bumped the drawer closed with her hip." Again, this requires you to know your characters really, really well. So I guess the difficulty rating is still up there, at least a little.

But it can be done. And if it can be done, that means you can do it.

 

[Lionheart72]

You can't please both demographics. Can't. Your own reading responses prove that. So don't try, you'll just drive yourself mad. Instead, decide which camp you fall in / are writing for, and focus in that direction.

Yeah, for these purposes I fall pretty solidly into the "porn" demographic. Not to say I don't enjoy well written literature, but it's not what I'm working on here. That said, I prefer my porn to have a good plot and interesting characters. I don't think that's impossible.

There's an adult video director called Brad Armstrong who has made some fairly interesting films working under the premise that an engaging storyline and hot sex are not mutually exclusive. His films will never win an Academy award by any means, but I think they are a lot more interesting than the run of the mill fuck-flicks I've seen.

What you would need to do is build character moments into the sex. That way you are writing a story that accomplishes both goals: not only are you doing sizzling-hot fucking, but you're also building out the characters, simultaneously. Now, this is a difficult task: people don't (typically) stop for conversations in the middle of sex. Between sex, sure, but not in the middle of; and besides, you're limited to one- or two-sentence interjections, because your audience thinks stopping for a conversation is a waste of time. So what you're going to have to do is build character using only those one- or two-sentence interjections. And that's hard. It requires the mind of a poet, someone who debates over every single word. It also requires you, paradoxically, to know your characters really, really well--because they only have, you know, five or six sentences to present themselves, and so each of those sentences has to be perfect. Add to this the fact that they're presenting themselves in the context of sex, which limits the conversation topics--I mean, you can't have your lady gasp out "I always thought Galileo was hopelessly naive" between orgasms. (Well, maybe she could, but she'd get a lot of weird looks. For instance, from the guy doing her.)

Interesting ideas... I don't know if this will be easier or harder given that many of my characters are based on real people I have known. On the one hand, I know most of them quite well. One the other, that could actually make it harder as I try to encapsulate a real person in a few sentences. It's definitely an opportunity to stretch my writing muscles in new and different ways. I like that.

This is going to be fun...