new story: All Systems Functioning

[GrushaVashnadze]

Hello! I am new here, and just had my first story published on Literotica. I don't know if this the right place to announce this (please tell me if not!), but I'd be delighted if some of you seasoned Literoticists might be so kind as to have a look and leave some feedback or a score...

It's a comic sci-fi piece called All Systems Functioning, and it is here:

https://www.literotica.com/s/all-systems-functioning

Looking forward to gradually getting to know this place better. Thanking you all in advance,

Grusha

 

[ElectricBlue]

Witty, whimsical, beautifully paced.

Having written my own female astronaut in space story, I was interested to see where this would go.

It's a perfect gem of a story, just the right touch, the humour was spot on, perfectly timed. Very nice .

 

[yukonnights]

I read your story, left 5 stars as a tip — and put this below in the comments.

"Well done! It's always nice to run across something new and unique — the wording and formatting so clean and crisp. I admire something like this because I know I could never come up with such a story. Congratulations on your first story!"

 

[RoperTrace]

. .

 

[JuanSeiszFitzHall]

I don't disagree with what the others have said about the story, but I think you may catch some flak from SF&F readers over the lack of light-speed time delay in the video calls. I saw nothing in the story to indicate that communications to and from Earth were instantaneous in this future. Because so much depends on immediate back-and-forth in these calls, especially at the end, the lack of a setup for this (just a phrase about how much better communications are now) strikes me as a potential problem.