New Stories!

[CHEWEY]

Hi everyone! Never done this before so her i go into the realm of begdom My newest story has been posted, Lost Loves Reunite-lesbian. Also the edited version of, A Pleasure Ride--also lesbian. Let me know what ya think Chewey





http://literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=31854

 

[Impetus]

I liked the story and the way you pulled it off. I liked how you made the heroine nervous and made her do silly stuff like finish off her errands before seeing her friend. That made the story really personable.

Generally, I liked the story, but the one thing I would suggest working on would be pacing. Here's where I noticed it the most:

She rose and started pacing, her face contorting in pain, wringing her hands.

"I met a man and cheated on you, to be sure that being a lesbian was what I wanted. At least that's what I told myself, at the time. I got pregnant, out of pure stupidity

and naivety. I could not look you in the face and break your heart so I ran."

I was crying by then and so was she. She stopped pacing and squatted in front of me, taking me face in her hands.

Asside from the return error in the middle there, I think the break between pacing and crying was too short. It took me just a few seconds to read what the lover said, and to go from not crying to crying that fast didn't jive with me so much. This was the most severe example, I didn't notice pacing problems in very many places, and when I did it was pretty mild, this just stuck out at me.

Nice story, good work. I verydig.

-I

 

[CHEWEY]

Re:Impetus

Thank you You are right about that. I have known women that can change just that quick lol. Thanks again CHEWEY