YoungGun69
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2001
- Posts
- 1,465
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
===============================================
Ray dies and finds himself before the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells him that he cannot enter yet because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a dumb, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it.
Ray decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So, off he goes with this woman, pretending to be happy. As he walks along, he sees his friend Marcus up ahead—with an even uglier woman. When he asks what’s going on, Marcus replies “I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money.” They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.
Now Marcus, Ray, and their two ugly women are walking along, minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend Russell up ahead. This man is with an absolutely gorgeous woman.
Stunned, Marcus and Ray approach the man and discover it is their friend Russell. They ask him how it is he’s with this unbelievable goddess, while they’re stuck with these god-awful women. Russell replies, “I have no idea, but I’m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope to look forward to.
There is only one thing that I can’t seem to understand. Every time we finish having sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, “Damn income taxes!”
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
===============================================
Ray dies and finds himself before the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells him that he cannot enter yet because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a dumb, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it.
Ray decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So, off he goes with this woman, pretending to be happy. As he walks along, he sees his friend Marcus up ahead—with an even uglier woman. When he asks what’s going on, Marcus replies “I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money.” They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.
Now Marcus, Ray, and their two ugly women are walking along, minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend Russell up ahead. This man is with an absolutely gorgeous woman.
Stunned, Marcus and Ray approach the man and discover it is their friend Russell. They ask him how it is he’s with this unbelievable goddess, while they’re stuck with these god-awful women. Russell replies, “I have no idea, but I’m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope to look forward to.
There is only one thing that I can’t seem to understand. Every time we finish having sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, “Damn income taxes!”
