New scribbler has a flash back tyoe story

[BrushStrokes]

Hi all,
new scribbler here, and fiddling with my first real 'writing'.

its a mature story, divorced mum (with cellulite, extra pounds, a c-section scar from two kids...you know, like real life) of about 40ish, linking up with a 30ish guy (starting to bald, also a few extra pounds, bit hairy) and the love affair described over a week of events...

I am thinking of doing it in a series of flash backs.
Opening is the mum getting it doggy, then going for anal...next scene is daughter helping mum move house because she is remarried, and moving into new hubby's house.

Scenes will alternate between past (7 ears earlier) and the present time.

So I don't leave readers behind, I'd thought that each scene change should be labeled as either present day or '7 years earlier, first Friday, night time'

Motivation is that the daughters in '7 years earlier' part of the story have gone to school holiday/ summer camp for two weeks, and she is going to celebrate her upcoming birthday with a girls weekend out. Meets the guy, eventually they end up going for it, she's exploring her wilder side etc...

Part of the draw is, that now in the present she is remarried, once of the early scenes has her reminiscing, and we aren't sure what happened to her lover of 7 years earlier...

suppose my questions are this
1- will the staggered style still be able to be followed, with those kinds of headings?

2- how can I keep the tension/ interest up over the younger lovers identity (did she marry him, he fall under a truck, what happened) with out it looking like some kind of cop out?

your thoughts?
And yes, there will be sex, lots of it, along the way!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

For your first real ‘writing’, you are setting the bar higher than many experienced writers would attempt. However well-written and signposted, flashbacks are difficult to manage without making the narrative choppy and putting readers off.

Interweaving two narratives with seven ‘scenes’ in each story seems to overegg the pudding. Have you considered just a longish opening and closing scene in the present and the rest of the story seven years ago?

Apart from an editor, you will really need some beta-readers to read the story cold to test if you have managed to get the understanding you have in your head onto the page sufficiently for readers to follow.

Having poured so much cold water, let me try to be positive.

Apart from flagging the changes from past to present, you might consider writing in present and past tenses to clearly differentiate the time period we are in. I am no great fan of present tense stories but it would make a clear demarcation here.

Be careful how ‘normal’ you make your characters. This is erotic fiction which is, by its nature, a fantasy and we need to find the main characters attractive. Whilst I can quite go for a thirty year-old guy who has ‘streaks of premature grey that gave him an appearance of maturity’ I find the premature baldness and beer belly a turnoff in a character I should be fancying.

Whilst a few excess pounds (buxom hips) etc are fine to be realistic, I think cellulite is a no-no for male and female in a lit story. More subtle stuff about ‘fine lines round her eyes that weren’t there seven years ago’ makes us think Terri Hatcher or even Jane Fonda, but all defects must have an adorable side – unless they are key to defining character. She is self-conscious of being naked with him but he draws his finger softly the scar on her lower belly...

A lot of sex is great but does get in the way of a story. I love a good in-your-face sex romp on lit but it does restrict story development. I think you have to decide between a real story with tension and surprises, and a helping of sex, with a stroke piece. If you try to mix the two you will probably not get a good reaction.

Hope this helps – a bit long because you’ve got serious intentions.

 

[BrushStrokes]

Thanks Elfin,
had forgotten that this is escapist writing.

Good critique though, well thought out, balanced and reasonable.

Regards