New question for the group. . . .

[ponyboy45]

If you had a son or daughter or both that came home one day and told you that they were gay, and that they have a boyfriend (son) and or girlfriend (daughter), what would you do? How would you react to news such as this?

 

[short_circutz]

As a straight guy that is freinds with quite a few g/l/b/ people, I would be fully supportive if anyone in my family came forward with this info.

I like to tell people that I'm the least homophobic straight guy you'll ever meet. I totaslly support and defend any of the g/b/l people i know.

I have also been providing the local Pride chapter with a sound system for their dances for the last 3 years. I love to hang out at their dances once in a while.

 

[mystic_maiden32]

I have thought about this already-nothing would change. I would support her, love her. I have friends that are g/b. Why would I look at my children any differently then my closest friends?

 

[SweetErika]

My mom always told me she'd love and support me no matter who I was or loved, but she would be sad that I'd have to deal with all of the negative messages and stereotypes of our society. I will pass on the message of unconditional love and acceptance to our children and hope some of the ignorance will disappear in the next 20 years.

 

[SensualMale]

Don't know. I've never been in that situation.

 

[Harrowborg]

I don't no how I would react in that situation, I want to say fully supportive, love em no matter what etc and I guess at least that part is true, your not going to stop loving your kids just because of their sexual orientation. I guess it would depend what ages they are to, whether its just a form of sexual..development or exploration which we all went through or whether its a long term commitment thing. If the latter, I would hope I would be supportive.

 

[alli_cat]

While one can never say until they are in the situation, as long as he was happy I don't see why it would bother me. With my husband and I both being bi, my son has been brought up believing that you can love anyone you want, whether boy or girl. He tells people that when he grows up he's going to marry one of each - Grandma, and his best friend David So aside from the bigamy/incest issues to overcome there, we couldn't be happier about the idea We're more concerned with how we will cope if he becomes a homophobic heterosexual sports fanatic, frankly...

 

[ponyboy45]

My take on this. . . . .

This is from a guy who has no children but nonetheless. . . .

I would sincerely hope that I would always be there for my children regardless of their sexual orientation. Just because they choose to be gay is not a reason to stop loving them and supporting them in any way that I as their father could. I feel this way even if I had a 15 or 16 year old that admitted that they like the same sex more than the opposite sex. That is their choice and I would support it. I would also take the time to talk with them about safe sex practices and we would also talk seriously about how some people in society are extremely homophobic and they can be extremely crew at times and ways to handle that. I would also encourage them to bring their friend home so that I could meet them and get to know them. My doors would always be open to them. And yes, in case any of you are wondering, I would allow them to have sex in my home. Why? Because as a father I would feel more relaxed knowing what my son or daughter are doing and with whom under my own roof then having to worry about them being hurt or worse possibly killed out in the streets by some total stranger.

Personally, I would get more upset over my son or daughter getting aids and dying then I would knowing that they are gay. As long as they are happy that is all that matters. I would teach my kids to love everyone and to treat everyone equally regardless of race, color, greed, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation. Gays are human beings as well and deserve to be treated as such.

 

[fille]

There's no question in my mind that my feelings for my children would not change one iota if they were gay. I would still want to have the same relationships with them no matter what.

I once had this discussion with a gay friend who was getting ready to come out to his parents. He was nervous, obviously, and he was already anticipating their disappointment and sort of getting angry about it in advance. I told him to try to understand their feelings, because even though they would still love him and want him to be their son (which they did and do), some disappointment is natural. Before anyone gets excited about that statement, let me explain - from the moment you conceive a child, you have all sorts of plans for that child. You think about what they will be when they grow up, you plan their weddings, you dream of your grandchildren. I think it would be only natural for a parent to feel a bit of a loss when confronted with the fact that some of those things will never be, at least not the way you planned them from the time you knew your child was on the way. However, if you are a thoughtful person who really loves your child, you think that through and realize that it wasn't your life to plan, and that you are still damn lucky to have your child, whomever he or she really is. You also realize that a child who was not gay still might very well not do all the things you had planned. That's what my friend's parents did. I trust it is what I would do as well.

 

[Etoile]

If our kid comes home and says to their two moms "I'm gay"... that'd be just fine.

 

[Flight420]

I would react in the exact same way that my very own parents reacted and that is/would be to re-assure my son/daughter how much they are loved without condition and are worthy of love and respect and help empower them to rise above the negativity that they will encounter from the lunatic religious fringe.

That being said, I would march their butts to a doctor's office to participate in a paternity test since their "daddy" happens to be as gay as a gucci bag stuffed with pink feathers their plan to get at my millions of $$$ by claiming they are my children simply will not work!

 

[taolanes]

I think the situation is very difficult to imagine. Most people would say they would be totally ok with hearing the news. But imagine being a father and hearing your son say "I'm gay." Your reaction on so many levels is too hard to predict

 

[John Doe]

I have no idea what I'd do, but I'm guessing I wouldn't do anything more than I was already doing.

How would I react? If they're an adult, I'd probably be surprised.

If they were a teenager who still lives with me, I might've wondered beforehand.

 

[Netzach]

I'd be relieved, frankly.

Politically incorrect as it is, I think I'd feel a little twinge of disappointment if they were straight.

Wrong, maybe. But honest.

 

[Etoile]

I like to tell people that I'm the least homophobic straight guy you'll ever meet. I totaslly support and defend any of the g/b/l people i know.

I'm curious, short_circutz...

What do you do if you hear teenagers walking down the street say "oh, that's so gay!"

What do you do if you hear somebody call somebody else a fag?

Or wait, maybe I'm misinterpreting. You said you defend and support the queer people you know, does that not include the general populace?

Also, how do you defend your bisexual friends in particular.

I do not mean this post in a judgmental way; I'm asking serious questions.

 

[Noor]

First of all I feel that a person's sexually orientation is their business, between them and their lovers. That being said I would hope that my child would feel the same telling me they were gay, straight, bi, whatever and I react the same.

I don't really believe in labels, I believe in relationships, that sexuality is an extension of communication. How people choose to communicate, be initimate, within their relationship is between those in it.

I would probably tell them that and then talk about safe sex, as I would anyway

 

[short_circutz]

I'm curious, short_circutz...

What do you do if you hear teenagers walking down the street say "oh, that's so gay!"

What do you do if you hear somebody call somebody else a fag?

Depends on the context and tone of voice. And intent. And who the comment is being directed to. If they say it in a degrading or mean spirited manner, or to be mean/redicule another person, then I'm all over them in defense of the person that lives an alternative lifestyle whether said person is a friend of mine or not.

If they aren't saying it in a hurtful or derogatory way, then I don't really make an issue of it. It wouldn't be any different then if they were calling me an asshole while we were joking around. Or a knob. Or whatever.

It's all in the intent and context of the comment.

Or wait, maybe I'm misinterpreting. You said you defend and support the queer people you know, does that not include the general populace?

Yes, it most definately does include the general populace! I don't think my friends should be treated any differently than anyone else in this regard.

Also, how do you defend your bisexual friends in particular.

That I think their lucky because they experience both types of relationships and therefore have a better understanding of other people intimately, be they male or female. I don't treat them any differently than I would a straight person (other than the way I act hanging the bar with my female bi friends checking out all the hotties).

I do not mean this post in a judgmental way; I'm asking serious questions.

I understand. No offrense taken.

I'm straight, and wouldn't consider myself bi-curious. However, I have stated to a couple of friends in the past that maybe if the situation were "right", or in the heat of the moment, who knows what could happen. I never say never.

Shortz

 

[short_circutz]

I think the situation is very difficult to imagine. Most people would say they would be totally ok with hearing the news. But imagine being a father and hearing your son say "I'm gay." Your reaction on so many levels is too hard to predict

Granted it would probably leave me speechless at first.

Until I started working the theatrical scene here, and supplying the local pride chapter with a sound system for their dances, I saw people/found out about people that I never would have suspected being alternative. Not that it made a difference that I did. I would like to think that i would do at least the same for my children, which would be to not consider it an issue. If anything, particularly if it were a son that "came out of the closet", I would likely be more defensive (could you ever be more defensive of your child??) because of the stigma that is more prevalent towards gay or bi males.

 

[Etoile]

Thanks for understanding the way in which I meant the questions, Shortz! I'm delighted by your answers.

I admit that my girlfriend and I will refer to things as "gay" ourselves, but we are conscious of the way we do it. Perhaps it's that combined with the fact that we are gay that makes us feel it's okay for ourselves. When teenagers use it, they are unknowingly being derogatory, whereas my gf and I use it more as a term of perverted affection.

 

[Etoile]

On a parallel note, when I came out to my parents, they took it just fine! In fact I thought they would at least have questions, but they had known for a long time and are liberal and gay friendly and had no problems with it. I was a little surprised by how nonchalant they were!

 

[shy slave]

If our kid comes home and says to their two moms "I'm gay"... that'd be just fine.

Would you feel the same if they came home and said "I'm straight?"

I am curious, I have a male friend whose boyfriend has a child who is straight.
The boyfriend went through a period of feeling rejected by his son. He got over it through talking to his son about it but it wasn't an easy time.

 

[shy slave]

I'd be relieved, frankly.

Politically incorrect as it is, I think I'd feel a little twinge of disappointment if they were straight.

Wrong, maybe. But honest.

I understand this, my eldest son is so straight and responsible it puts the rest of us to shame.

I am proud of all he does but I wish he would explore a little.

It is unlikely that either son will be gay, I have several male friends who are gay so they know it would not be an issue.

I also have no desire to be a grandma'.

I can't stand the way they refer to people as 'gay' or for that matter as stupid or cretins.

A conversation with one of their friends when they used all three words.

kid: X is really stupid and gay.
son: Yeah I know, they are SUCH a cretin

Me: You can use 'fuck' 'cunt' and 'dick' in my house, but if you ever use 'gay' 'stupid' or 'cretin' again I will whip your fucking asses, right?

Them:Ummm yeah, right

Ok they think I am weird, but i have standards

 

[Queen Bee]

That's a pretty dopey rule, shy slave. What are they supposed to say if someone really is a stupid cretin?

"Dude, that guy's intellect is fucked. What a dickbrain."

I wouldn't care if my daughters were lesbians. In my generation we have a 45% lesbian population, so there would certainly be ample precedent.

 

[John Doe]

Thanks for understanding the way in which I meant the questions, Shortz! I'm delighted by your answers.

I admit that my girlfriend and I will refer to things as "gay" ourselves, but we are conscious of the way we do it. Perhaps it's that combined with the fact that we are gay that makes us feel it's okay for ourselves. When teenagers use it, they are unknowingly being derogatory, whereas my gf and I use it more as a term of perverted affection.

I disagree with that justification.

If a term is considered derogatory, whether it's the term itself or the context in which it is used, I think it's unfair to make exceptions.

The word "nigger" for example. I object to its use by anyone and I don't make an exception if the person is black.

 

[Etoile]

Would you feel the same if they came home and said "I'm straight?"

I am curious, I have a male friend whose boyfriend has a child who is straight.
The boyfriend went through a period of feeling rejected by his son. He got over it through talking to his son about it but it wasn't an easy time.

Yes, I certainly would. I think that as a lesbian couple my partner and I are more aware of sexual orientation in general. Come to think of it, I don't think there would need to be a coming out as such anyway. We would be raising our child with exposure to different kinds of couples anyway, and I think our child would feel comfortable bringing a boyfriend or a girlfriend home to us. I just don't see it being an issue.