"New" Poets, We Welcome You!

[Whispersecret]

Here's an idea similar to Muff's, but with the added intention of helping the community grow by invitation.

1. Find a poem that you like.
2. Make sure it's by an author you don't know and/or someone who isn't a "regular" of the poetry board.
3. Post the poem here along with SPECIFIC comments which highlight what worked for you, what the poem said/meant to you.
4. Send feedback to that poet, explaining what you've done and inviting them to come here and read what you wrote, and, most importantly, to participate in this forum.

Hopefully, we can excite interest in the forum among people who may not know it exists. I'll start. Gotta go off and find a good poem.

 

[Whispersecret]

Maniac, Sane
by bluepervina

Rim, stem, quim, and slime
Pucker, sucker, slurp, sublime

Bend, rend, spend, and breath
Artifice, orifice, guttural, death

Black, crack, smack, and shudder
Twisting, insisting, untouchable, other

Scratch, detach, snatch, and grin
Broken, betoken, unspoken, sin

Hit, split, shit, and hamstring
Receptacle, spectacle, recycle, cling.

Bliss, hiss, piss, and racked
Garroting, ferreting, growling, smacked.

Hum, thumb, plum, and cunning
Mons venus, glans penis, vacillate, stunning.

Flood, mud, blood, and rain
Forever, wherever, maniac, sane.

Bluepervina, as you know, I liked this poem. I enjoyed the unique way you used rhyme to explore so much. I got a hint of so many strange (at least, to me) sexual practices, some, I'll admit, I can only guess at. But that makes it all that much more mysterious.

There's a staccato rhythm to the entire thing that is perfect for the topic and reminds me of spanking, perhaps, and for some reason I'm also picturing sheets of rain and flashes of lightning when I read this.

Like I said, I'm not into any of this, but I find this little peek into this dark, weird world sinfully interesting. Thanks for the read.

I hope you'll take the time to check this forum out. We're all aspiring poets (some of us more accomplished than others, and I fall into that latter category), and we are interested in discussing the merits of each other's work and learning to be better writers in the process. Please join us. That goes for anyone else, as well, not just bluepervina, of course!

 

[lovetoread]

Follow
by Sure ©

If my love should follow my head, it would live alone,
Dwelling in a house of reason;
Not enticed by pleasure or feeling
But knowing the wisdom of its choice
By the absence of pain
And the abundance of calm.

If my love would follow my heart, it would join yours;
Seeking warmth and union,
Splashing in pools of laughter,
Inhaling the breezes of passion,
Knowing that the peace
May give way to the pain.

And though I may reason within me of love and wisdom,
To think or to feel as I desire
The choice was never given
But cast before me as you,
Drawing me in deeply
Leaving discretion in its wake.


I just randomly clicked upon this new poem and loved it. The words flowed together wonderfully and the imagery was perfect to me.

If my love would follow my heart, it would join yours;
Seeking warmth and union,
Splashing in pools of laughter,
Inhaling the breezes of passion,
Knowing that the peace
May give way to the pain.

This was the part that spoke to me the most. I loved the way it described what I have felt many times in my own life.

I do not know poetry enough to tell you whether it is written correctly or not,but it worked for me and I wanted to share this poem with you all.

I did send feedback to Mr. Sure and invited him to come here and participate with us.

 

[Debbie]

Dream Lover
by Otzchiim

Somehow your face is in my dreams each night,
And thoughts of you come with each morning's light.
You haven't done a thing to bring this on,
But still I find my heart is now your pawn.
You've only been polite to me, it seems,
So why are you so often in my dreams?
You're a good friend, but how I wish it would
Occur to you to be -- well, less than good.

I want to find out how your kisses taste,
To feel your arms come stealing round my waist;
I think I want to have you strip me bare,
From face and breasts right down to pubic hair;
To spend the night, all night, in loving you,
And have those dreams that trouble me come true.

http://literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=4431

I clicked on this poem because I was intrigued by the title.

I liked this poem because it reminded me of being young and dreaming of the boy I had a crush on.

A short poem but a lot said in a small space. The simplicity of the poem I enjoyed very much.

"I want to find out how your kisses taste."

Makes me think. When you kiss someone is it just the way they kiss or the way they taste also that is erotic?

"You're a good friend, but how I wish it would
Occur to you to be -- well, less than good. "

I loved this line. the use of -- pause please, time to ponder, subtle.

... how I wish it would occur to you to be well less than good. Very clever.


These were my favourite lines

"To spend the night, all night, in loving you,
And have those dreams that trouble me come true."

Dreams, dreams filled with desire and the dream lover's face. Troubled dreams but hoping they will come true. All night a night of passion.


PM is on it's way to Otzchiim with an invitation to join us here.

 

[Whispersecret]

I also sent an invitation to Guy Mondo in KM's "I liked this poem because..." thread, and he responded. He's gonna come by and comment, probably on that other thread, because I hadn't created this one at the time I contacted Guy. I hope he sticks around.

 

[Whispersecret]

God, I just used the poem spinner about 25 times before finding something I liked. Now it's past eleven and my eyes are HISTORY. I'm posting the poem and I'll come back tomorrow to comment and invite IndyDark.

Audrey
by Indy Dark

An orchestra of crickets plays their summer medley
The moon slides in stage left
The lake is quiet on cue
Just a whisper of a ripple
Front row center, I reflect upon the stage of life.
40 summers and I remember all but a few
too young for some of course
9 carefree, 11 pains of love
13 a milestone at the time
15 lost between a child and a man
17 was angry, 18 scared of the blank future

The college years,
21 and stupid, should be dead
23 wiser and still lucky
24 a know it all
25 humbled

The transition
27 a husband
29 a father
31 ditto
33 on top of the world
34 I remember the face of a child when handed his first puppy
35 I cried when it died

The rut
36 baseball, only a coach this time
37 the same
38 the same
39 Audrey.....I shouldn't have.
40 Missing Audrey

 

[Whispersecret]

Audrey
by Indy Dark

An orchestra of crickets plays their summer medley
The moon slides in stage left
The lake is quiet on cue
Just a whisper of a ripple
Front row center, I reflect upon the stage of life.

I'm not sure why this intro is necessary. I found it extraneous to the real meat of the poem, which to me was his reminiscing of the pivotal events of his life.

[]b40 summers and I remember all but a few
too young for some of course
9 carefree, 11 pains of love[/b]

I wondered why ages 9 and 11 weren't given their own lines like the rest. Why was nine significant if all that was recalled was a carefree existence? Was it that this was the age where he first really remembered a summer?


[]b13 a milestone at the time
15 lost between a child and a man
17 was angry, 18 scared of the blank future
The college years,
21 and stupid, should be dead
23 wiser and still lucky
24 a know it all
25 humbled

The transition
27 a husband
29 a father
31 ditto
33 on top of the world
34 I remember the face of a child when handed his first puppy
35 I cried when it died [/b]

Loved the ditto part. I also love the intimacy of years 34 and 35, and wonder why some other years are so vague. I want to know why he was on top of the world at 33.

The rut
36 baseball, only a coach this time
37 the same
38 the same
39 Audrey.....I shouldn't have.
40 Missing Audrey


And lastly, I have no idea who Audrey is. A woman whom he had an affair with? A girl on the baseball team he had an affair with?

An ellipsis only has three, or at the most four, dots.

Even with the questions that came up when I read it, I still enjoyed this poem. Perhaps it's because I'm highly introspective, and so in Indy I find a kindred spirit. I liked the idea of a poem of memories and the utilitarian list. At this point in my life (age 39) I'm also looking back often and am amazed at how much has passed. So much can happen in the course of a year, and yet at the same time that year can be summarized sometimes in a few words. That echoes my feeling of my life.

Indy, I hope you come and join the discussion.

 

[Guest]

Thanks Ms Secret.

 

[Whispersecret]

Oh! Indy came to my party!

Thanks for responding, Indy! Thanks even more if you find someone else whose work you enjoyed and post here.

 

[Guest]

one I fancy

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the Invitation/Comments

Indy, thanks for the invitation and you comments regarding my poem. I will find a poem that piques my interest. I will be back later, thanks again!

Longlegs

 

[longlegs]

Descriptive/Passionate

This one caught my eye....

The Imp
by SirGalahad67 ©
(Dedicated to Myst)

So Lilith must have seemed
To Adam, in the days
Before Eve.
A dark, dazzling star
Who out burns all the others
She presents
An impish style
Characterized
By elfin grace.
Dark tresses
Frame a sultry face.
A wicked mind
A kind heart
Intertwined
Like Aphrodite
Rising from the waves
A work of art.
Cruel
Tender
Wanton
Innocent
Bold
Shy
Lithe
Voluptuous
Seductive
Childlike
Is she a cold drink of water
In the heart’s blazing desert?
Or is she
The very heart of the desert itself?
Fierce, burning, insatiable
Yet, also
Cool, forgiving, life-sustaining.
If I dared
I would go down
And plumb
Her secret passionate depths
But beware.
Those who brave her beautiful mystery
Forever lose
A piece of their heart.


SirGalahad67, very good, descriptive writing....please come join the discussion.

Longlegs

 

[Whispersecret]

I hope you emailed Galahad. There's no guarantee he even knows this forum exists.

 

[SirGalahad67]

Re: Descriptive/Passionate

This one caught my eye....

The Imp
by SirGalahad67 ©
(Dedicated to Myst)

So Lilith must have seemed
......

SirGalahad67, very good, descriptive writing....please come join the discussion.

Longlegs

Thanks Longlegs, I appreciate the post and the email. It's funny, I certainly don't consider myself a poet....most of my writing is prose...and I go long dry periods between prolific bursts of creativity....
at the time I wrote this I was heavily into reading William Carlos Williams poetry....which is non rhyming....certainly nothing of mine compares to him or to other poets who write in that style......but I was fairly proud of this poem and another one Apologia.....it seems to me that if you know Myst, our friend who inspired it that it does seem to suit her.........
I'm sure that my future writing will be more in prose, but it does seem that a couple of my poems were liked by a few...which I do appreciate..........

And thanks to you and Whispersecret for alerting me to this thread....I'll try to spend more time again in Literotica.....if I can ever get real life in order.......

Galahad