New Poet

[hottchic]

Confused....

Ok, so I am new to writing poetry here but I am really not sure if I should bother.

In writing erotic stories (here on Literotica) and articles (elsewhere on the internet) I have some experience and I belive I can reasonably asses the quality of my work. And indeed some of my work is clearly appreciated on the basis of the feedback I get.

For example I wrote one erotic story 2 years ago when I had just started trying to write erotic literature and I have written another recently. The quality of the recent stuff is far superior to what I wrote 2 years ago, even though at the time it looked pretty good and still does in parts.

Apart from this I do read alot of articles and I do read alot of erotic literature so I continually submersed in these genre. In the case of poetry I rarely read poetry so most poetry I hear is in the form of song lyrics, in my opinion good song lyrics are poetry.

However, every so often I feel inspired to write poetry. Do you think I am just making an ass of myself to submit it here.

PS: If you want to see an example of the poetry I have written here, this is a link to the first and so far only poem I have submitted on Literotica: http://www.literotica.com/p/feminine-interlude

 

[butters]

welcome to the forum, confused hotchick

any of us putting our writing 'out there' runs the very real risk of being made to feel foolish for having done so. this forum is the place to interact with other poets (many of whom are also prose writers) and a good place to experiment with your poetry, before submitting it for publication to the main site or, indeed, elsewhere.

by reading and thinking about what others have written, you gain a better understanding of poetry in general and, more importantly, how to improve your own. adding your own comments to the submissions/posts here is probably the fastest way of getting to know the regulars.

some brief suggestions:

honesty is the most valuable thing you can bring to the table here - you don't have to agree with the next person's opinion; there's space for anyone to express their impressions.

be prepared for some to offer good ideas, and for some to offer thoughts you may find less than helpful. try to take what you need and disregard the rest. remember, though, it takes time for anyone to read, think, and comment on your writing.

don't change a thing unless it 'feels' right to you, its author.

keep an open mind

there are some very cool people on here, at varying degrees of ... shall we say 'poetic sophistication'? ... that does not mean to say that all they offer is gold. some of it definitely is.

try not to get too confused when differing opinions leave you bemused

 

[Senna Jawa]

Confused....

Who isn't?

PS: If you want to see an example of the poetry I have written here, this is a link to the first and so far only poem I have submitted on Literotica: http://www.literotica.com/p/feminine-interlude

It's very important that instead of exclusively looking for feedback on your own poems you analyze poems by others (preferably outstanding poems), and that you read critique, which is available in print or on Internet.

The first line of a poem is crucial because it may lose many readers, they will stop after a first line (it sucks) like your:

My mind is filled with everything feminine​

You have confused the idea for a poem with the poem itself. It's like confusing the kitchen and the food. You want to provide your guests (readers) with a meal, not with the kitchen. Your first line is only an idea, a plan for your poem. By itself it's not poetic and it should never occur in any poem.

The American poetic advices are not as profound as the holistic Chinese approach to poetry, for which these advices are a substitute, but they are pragmatic. They have started with Ezra Pound. Anyway, the first and most fundamental rule is:

show--don't tell!​

In you first line you are telling. Now let's look at your 2' line:

Things beautiful, soft, tender​

The next Ezra Pound's advice is: live in a fear of abstraction. Things is abstract, boring, it's junk, it stands for poetic impotence. Also, stay away from opinions, which includes adjectives which serve as opinions rather than objective information.

So far your poem is horrible. It really starts with line 3. Now poetry starts to happen. Just stay away from cliches like sweet and legs that go forever and the Literotica speciality smooth as silk.

The lines 5-8 (the 2nd stanza) are a disaster again. Don't treat yourself in a poem that seriously, have a distance. Don't assure the readers that you are intelligent because only the most naive readers will buy it. Stay in the background, totally invisible.

OK, you have enough to (to use your word) ponder about, and I have enough of your poem too. Start from scratch. Read about poetry, try to arrive at a reasonable idea of what poetry is about. It should help you that it is opposite to what your text is about. Good luck!

 

[hottchic]

Well in the end I decided to read some poems and look at the comments about them, to get a feel what direction I need to go with this.

I just submited a new poem and will post a link to it when it is approved.

In the end I am just looking to improve my poetry and get more real.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

You have a great attitude Hott, asking for advice AND taking it is a great start.

 

[butters]

Well in the end I decided to read some poems and look at the comments about them, to get a feel what direction I need to go with this.

I just submited a new poem and will post a link to it when it is approved.

In the end I am just looking to improve my poetry and get more real.

you are more than welcome to post your poems here on the forum, first, to iron out wrinkles before submitting. i personally think it makes more sense to do so, leaving the submissions till you're pretty happy with what you have. once published, of course, there will still be comments and suggestions, but your write is likely to get more of the personal attention needed here.

 

[hottchic]

Ok so here was the second poem I posted

Day by day


Tonight I relax and dream
Tomorrow I work, sweat streaming down my brow
On Tuesday maybe I am anxious and I fret
On Wednesday I venture out, presenting myself to the world

Tonight I am at peace
Tomorrow, my energy focused
On Tuesday the doubt creeps in
On Wednesday I throw caution to the wind

My life is like waves crashing on the shore
First peace, then endeavor, then uncertainty
Then abandon
And then, once again peace


Any comments welcome

PS: the cliche in line 9 was already pointed out to me

 

[bronzeage]

L8 is also cliche, which is not a sin, but a cliche is actually a dead metaphor. A dead metaphor is an image which has become the poetic meaning and the poetry is lost.

The real problem is choosing one which is a poor fit. The caution cliche might work if the reader had a better idea of the choices you face on Wednesday. Caution can only exist in the face of risk (note clever insertion of metaphor). When one uses an image which only appears with its opposite, both must be visible.

 

[twelveoone]

Hottchic
This is your sig line:
The biggest sex organ in the human body is the brain. Your brain is only limited by the extent of your imagination.
Here is a link
Roll on down to Senna Jawa, this will test the extent of your imagination.
Senna is big on juxtaposition.

I'm big on amusing myself in bizarre ways.


Seriously, in your thread are some of the better writers, I say better instead of best because that is what it is all about, becoming better.
There is no right or wrong way, but there is always a better way. You find it.

You and other new writers should at least read two or three from each, you will be surprised at the variety of approach and the results. Find out who you like best, and when you do, comment and vote! (I would advise a 5, assuming you are new)

Others worth mentioning
Angeline, fridayam, greenmountainer, thee Poetguy,..........and the list goes on. And I probably PO'ed a whole bunch ot people, why didn't you mention so and so, and etc.
Well etc. is one of my favourite writers, but since his taste is always questionable, I have avoided...
and for new poets I generally advise avoid reading me

 

[hottchic]

Ok this one definately comes out of left field for me, see what you think. I went a bit minimalist LOL.


Fuck you

“Fuck you!” I say, but not in a bad way
I like what I fuck, so if I want to fuck you I like you
So if I tell you to “Fuck off,” maybe we could fuck off together
If I said, “Go fuck yourself,” you would enjoy the experience

When I am really hurting, I say NOTHING……

 

[twelveoone]

Ok this one definately comes out of left field for me, see what you think. I went a bit minimalist LOL.


Fuck you

“Fuck you!” I say, but not in a bad way
I like what I fuck, so if I want to fuck you I like you
So if I tell you to “Fuck off,” maybe we could fuck off together
If I said, “Go fuck yourself,” you would enjoy the experience

When I am really hurting, I say NOTHING……

If you hung around the rabble like I do (perhaps you do), you would realize this approaches near zero on the originality scale.

Now, once again, I sing the praises of Senna Jawa (really just stealing from him), how many concrete nouns vs abstractions and personal pronouns.

And in my own unimitable way, the object of poetry is NOT to say fuck you, but rather to get the reader to feel he has been fucked; but not right away, shot for the delayed fucked reaction. Or the DFR as it shall be henceforth known as.

 

[bronzeage]

Ok this one definately comes out of left field for me, see what you think. I went a bit minimalist LOL.


Fuck you

“Fuck you!” I say, but not in a bad way
I like what I fuck, so if I want to fuck you I like you
So if I tell you to “Fuck off,” maybe we could fuck off together
If I said, “Go fuck yourself,” you would enjoy the experience

When I am really hurting, I say NOTHING……

Fuck you I say, but not in a bad way.
I like what I fuck, so if I may
say fuck you, I tell you true,
it is only because I like you.

This reads like Dr. Seuss, the Tourette's years.

 

[hottchic]

And in my own unimitable way, the object of poetry is NOT to say fuck you, but rather to get the reader to feel he has been fucked; but not right away, shot for the delayed fucked reaction. Or the DFR as it shall be henceforth known as.

Thanks for the feedback, I think I get what you are talking about, and glad I could help you find an inspired quote, DFR, interesting.

This reads like Dr. Seuss, the Tourette's years.

I always liked Dr. Seuss, grew up on him to a certain extent, my favorites are 'green eggs and ham' and 'fox in sox', maybe there is a subconcious influence LOL

"Dicks and cocks and chics and sluts
You can fuck with clits and butts"

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Fuck you I say, but not in a bad way.
I like what I fuck, so if I may
say fuck you, I tell you true,
it is only because I like you.

This reads like Dr. Seuss, the Tourette's years.

got the giggles now ..... if a woman of my mature years is still allowed to giggle

 

[twelveoone]

got the giggles now ..... if a woman of my mature years is still allowed to giggle

it's unbecoming after fifteen, unless you're a psychopath. Then it's almost required.
...fava beans, Miss Starling <giggles>

Ve haf ways....<giggles>

I write to express (read: impress) myself...<giggles>

That touched my soul's.<giggles>

 

[UnderYourSpell]

it's unbecoming after fifteen, unless you're a psychopath. Then it's almost required.
...fava beans, Miss Starling <giggles>

Ve haf ways....<giggles>

I write to express (read: impress) myself...<giggles>

That touched my soul's.<giggles>

some of the stuff submitted on here I don't know whether to laugh or cry and definitely gives me physchopathic tendencies ...... but there is an up side 'The perfect murder involving lots of pain' is still on my 'To do' list

 

[twelveoone]

some of the stuff submitted on here I don't know whether to laugh or cry and definitely gives me physchopathic tendencies ...... but there is an up side 'The perfect murder involving lots of pain' is still on my 'To do' list

'The perfect murder involving lots of pain'<giggles>
"is still on my 'To do' list" <giggles>
Anyway, I liked Bronze's comment, but would like to add Dr. Seuss would have had a creature and illustrations.
Dr. Seuss with Tourette's as recited by a parrot:

"I do not like that Gurple
dressed up in purple"<giggles, 'cause I just rhymed purple>
The Catinthehat bespat
"I do like instead
young whipples
perky...Awk
with upturned nipples
Fuck....Fuck...Awk
I can't get that
out of my head
Awk...fuck.
Beshat."


illustration to follow and be submitted

 

[UnderYourSpell]

'The perfect murder involving lots of pain'<giggles>
"is still on my 'To do' list" <giggles>
Anyway, I liked Bronze's comment, but would like to add Dr. Seuss would have had a creature and illustrations.
Dr. Seuss with Tourette's as recited by a parrot:

"I do not like that Gurple
dressed up in purple"<giggles, 'cause I just rhymed purple>
The Catinthehat bespat
"I do like instead
young whipples
perky...Awk
with upturned nipples
Fuck....Fuck...Awk
I can't get that
out of my head
Awk...fuck.
Beshat."


illustration to follow and be submitted

Lol I like it lots and believe it or not it has a ring of truth (bet that pisses you off!) having known a parrot with that line of language originally owned by a sailor (and if that's not a cliché nothing is!)

 

[bronzeage]

got the giggles now ..... if a woman of my mature years is still allowed to giggle

it's unbecoming after fifteen, unless you're a psychopath. Then it's almost required.
...fava beans, Miss Starling <giggles>

Ve haf ways....<giggles>

I write to express (read: impress) myself...<giggles>

That touched my soul's.<giggles>

Pay no attention to him.

Nothing gets a man's undying attention more than a woman who laughs at his jokes. Giggles are the sincerest laughter.

This is true for men of any age.

 

[twelveoone]

Lol I like it lots and believe it or not it has a ring of truth (bet that pisses you off!) having known a parrot with that line of language originally owned by a sailor (and if that's not a cliché nothing is!)

would it help if it was the parrot that had the tattoos and the sailor was a parson?

 

[drown]

if i may,
as i'm no poet,

just write.

give your lyric voice wing here;
without regard to anything first
but the resonance in your ear.

we're all magpies
with varied degrees of certainty...
but none moreso
than you must have for your work.

just write.

there's no penalty to be waged...
no real garland to be won.

and if ever an incubation spot were to be,

just write.
write here.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

would it help if it was the parrot that had the tattoos and the sailor was a parson?

Oh no or he'd Be up before the beak! and that would be a rum do

 

[Senna Jawa]

i'm no poet

If everybody were a poet nobody would.

 

[drown]

If everybody were a poet nobody would.

thanks for the confirmation...

the offense rests.

 

[ParrotDee]

If I may
I've come to say
a do rum de do
a do rum rum de rum de do
a do rum rum
My sweet lord
he's so fine
AwK
Be up before the beak
copyright
fuck
it's only a dumb ass song