New Non_consent Story

[caralott]

I finally have a new story up. I messed up on proofreading and forgot to change one of the characters names from Teresa to Cara in one part. SORRY!

This story is NON_CONSENT and totally fictional. Please do not read it if you feel you will be offended by the content.

Those of you who do read it, please vote. I would appreciate any constructive comments you may have. If you do not like it please tell me why. Also, the scenes where it seems he is being tender, are supposed to be portrayed in a saracastic tone. Apparently, I did not portray that well enough.

Thank you


Please review and vote! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=110633

 

[wishfulthinking]

First of all, delete Trash's comment! You are right, it is a non-consent story, and some freaks deliberately go around putting those comments on.

I wasn't confused about the lover/rapist situation, but each to their own. I think it was very clear he wasn't her lover.

I also think there were lot of structural mistakes that could have been fixed by giving it another proof-read before submitting, or approaching a volunteer editor. I found them extremely distracting.

I made the same mistake in my first story (and hopefully I'm learning), but you give one point of view, and then switch to the other, sometimes in the same paragraph.

Also, I had problems keeping track of who said what, as you did not keep the thoughts together.

Extract from your story:

" I told you to be a good girl and you wouldn't get hurt, now shut up!"

"Maybe I will let you suck me later."

You could put it: "I told you to be a good girl and you wouldn't get hurt, now shut up!" He muttered. "Maybe I will let you suck me later."

Although I don't think you really explain why he suddenly changes his mind.

But otherwise, you have a good idea, and it just needs a few tweaks. Again, maybe approach a volunteer editor. Cheers, WT

 

[caralott]

Thank you

Thank you.

I did send it to 2 different volunteer editors, but they did not respond. I sent it to one of them twice, and he said he sent it back, but I never received it.

Also, the story was in greater detail & more "non-consentual" but, I had to adjust it so it could be approved. I agree with you about the story structure, it is a little distracting. I thought when I submitted it it had more of the " he whispered," and "She sobbed." But, I guess not.

I appreciate your thoughts and constructive comments. If you have more suggestions, please let me know. This is only my 2nd story, and it took it forever to be approved because of the "excessive violence."
I took out the fisting scene, and the blood drop when he bit her nipple. I also removed the name calling. I liked it better the other way but, oh well!

I thought about removing the TRASH comment, but that is his or her opinion and I did not feel I should censor it. I replied in what I felt was a mature manner to this person. So, to each their own.

 

[wishfulthinking]

If you want, fix up everything you can, sort out the structural stuff etc, and pm it to me, and perhaps we can get it ship-shape for resubmission. There is a way somehow that you can submit an edited version of the story, replacing it. However, do be forewarned that I do approach the non-consent stories with a bit of seduction mixed in, which you can probably see from my own, which may not be to your liking!

 

[wishfulthinking]

I really think, even if you don't think you want to take up my offer, that you re-submit an edited version, because I find when you write a series, people will often start from the beginning, and no matter how wow your second chapter is, people might be put off.

 

[caralott]

Thank you!

I would honestly appreciate that. I will get to work on it as fast as possible and get it to you. Thanks

 

[hiddenself]

I thought about removing the TRASH comment, but that is his or her opinion and I did not feel I should censor it. I replied in what I felt was a mature manner to this person. So, to each their own.

!!!

 

[Pure]

Hi Cara,

I'd like to hear more about the approval process. What was asked to be deleted?

There are some pretty violent 'nonconsent' stories, like "Restaurant Nightmare."

I think the story has potential, though there are a lot of mechanical flaws, including grammar. I had no trouble following at all. My main complaint is that you seem a little indecisive (maybe because of the negotiation) about whether to have it be 'hard edged' or 'romantic.' And connected with that, you seem to have made imo too much effort to make him handsome and physically appealing. Also I must say, I prefer a story that has some resolution, not 'read the next installment.' Some writers have done this by posting several chapters together.

Btw, should you want editing from someone who is neutral regarding violence (if it's artfully done), and not at all insistent on seduction, PM me.

J.

 

[caralott]

I agree....

They did not specifically ask for me to remove anything. They just kept rejecting it due to "excessive violence."

When I removed the fisting scene, and him drawing blood when he bit her nipple, they approved it.


Thank you, I will be sending out part 2 to someone and re-editing part one. However, part 1 is spoken for.

I hope to have several more stories up soon.

 

[Pure]

Hi Cara,

Yes, I think the minimization of blood shed is probably what they want. There are fisting related incidents in lit stories, however.

I think the main thing, besides bloodshed, is the amt of injury depicted, which is reflected in the issue "Does s/he walk away from the incident?" as opposed to ending up in the ICU, the trauma ward, or the orthopedic surgeon's operating theater.

There should as well be some sexual gratification depicted, though lit. has been willing to accept clearly 'sham' or implausible additions to stories, such as adding "And so she (victim) came."

Good luck in your writing.