New Literotica Phone Information touch prompts

[Cardinal]

Ideas for a Literotica phone prompt system to more quickly get you to your topic of choice:
"Welcome to Literotica;

Press 01 if you wonder if your penis is too small or too big (yeah right)
Press 02 if you want to have anal sex but don't know how
Press 03 if you are a man pretending to be a woman and asking how to approach another woman for sex
Press 04 if you wonder if you are "normal"
Press 05 to find out how to use a vibrator for the first time
Press 06 if you are worried that your pussy is too shallow
Press 07 for directions on how to give a blow job
Press 08 if you have questions about shaving
Press 09 if you just want to brag
Press 10 if you have a question about using a vibrator on a shaved pussy while having anal sex
Press 11 if you are a guy who likes to wear panties
Press 12 if you are doninate woman
Press 13 if you are a sub - I SAID PRESS 13!!!!
Press 14 to post a picture of your wife
Press 15 to post a web pic and claim that it is your wife
Press 16 if you are new to BDSM but want to "train" your husband/wife/SO
Press 17 if you want to know if swallowing is important (you can skip 17, it's important)
Press 18 if you are married but pretend to be single and want to chat
Press 19 if you are a nympho who "just can't help herself"
Press 20 if you want to give your SO something special for Christmas

Now it's your turn, what else would you hear on the Literotica phone prompt?

 

[SweetErika]

I'll play

Press 21 if you want to know how to get/make/convince your S.O. to do something they've already said 'NO!' to
Press 22 if you're wondering why you can't post an avatar when everyone else has one
Press 23 if you want to know why it says, or how you can get rid of, the 'Virgin' under your name ('cause you're NOT a virgin, dammit!)
Press 24 if you're curious about cock rings
Press 25 if you want to know how to shoot further, increase volume, or make your cum thicker, just like the pornstars

 

[Quoll]

Press 26 If you want tips on mastrubation.
Press 27 If you have trouble organisming.
Press 28 If you have queries about beastiality.
Press 29 If pressing 01 didn't give you the answer you wanted to hear.

 

[INeedLove]

Press 30 if you want to know if you could be pregnant
Press 31 if you want to know about the best dating websites
Press 32 if you don't want to be married or with your SO





(LOL-I LOVE this thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

[Guest]

 

[midwestyankee]

Press 36 if you want to complain that people won't validate your behavior because, after all, this is a "porn board."
Press 37 if you want to try out being a troll.
Press 38 if you want Mary Hall to squash a troll.

 

[Quoll]

...............If you want to be insulted.
...............If you want to be vilified.
...............If you want to be ignored.
Press 39
...............If you want to be ridiculed because of your join date or post count.
...............If you want to be called an alt.
...............If you want to do any of the above.

Hold please...connecting you to the GB.​

 

[jadefirefly]

Press 40 if you're male, 18, and wondering if it's okay for your 16 year old girlfriend to give you blowjobs or not.

Press 41 if you just want to lurk. This menu will continue, and automatically choose an option for you.

 

[bisexplicit]

Press 42 If you are underage, or you're of age, and looking for someone underage. (By the way, you can also access the local police department by pressing this number as well.)

 

[Guest]

 

[bisexplicit]

Press 44 If you are spam. Warning: Automatic destruction will occur in 5...4...3...2...

 

[SweetErika]

Press 45 if you can't, or claim not to be able to, figure out what the difference is between How To and the HT Cafe.
Press 46 if you want information on sucking your own cock.
Press 47 if you want advice, or to hear stories about, double penetration.
Press 48 if you're planning on asking questions about womens' experiences because you want new material to jack off to.
Press 49 if you're "very/completely straight," but looking for some same-sex action.
Press 50 if you like to send PMs with explicit language or requests to cyber, webcam, or phone, to random women.

 

[midwestyankee]

Dial 438-5678 if you are a GBer who wandered to HT to "have fun."
Dial 438-5243 if you want the You Know You're Sexually Frustrated When thread.
Dial 669-5437 if you want to get into a pissing match with another poster over a petty issue any time within 365 days of a major holiday.

 

[L8Cummer]

I'll play too

Press 51 if you need to learn how to spell masturbate or if you need the correct spelling of any of a number of words that probably have appeared a gazillion times in the posts above yours.
Press 52 to learn how to use the Preview Post button.
Press 53 if you still haven't got the idea that it is always 5 o'clock somewhere.
Press 54 so we can explain that the Internet is not a fad and you are being left behind -- again.

 

[Eilan]

Press 55 if you're a guy who's afraid that liking a dildo in your ass makes you gay.
Press 56 if you don't know what Kegels are.
Press 57 if you're seeking medical advice.
Press 58 to request Eilan's presence in a cock size thread.

 

[harry johnson]

press 33...

while i can appreciate the correct spelling of a word.......PRESS 23 for just a hint -gazillion isnt a number

 

[bisexplicit]

while i can appreciate the correct spelling of a word.......PRESS 23 for just a hint -gazillion isnt a number

Press 59 To decode nonsensical posts.

 

[Chicklet]

(follow up of #06)

Press 60 for directions on how to measure the depth of your pussy.

 

[harry johnson]

biexplicit...

i jumped in and saw someone correcting a spelling error and noted they were using a word (gazillion) that isnt a word....sorry for the confusion.

 

[midwestyankee]

i jumped in and saw someone correcting a spelling error and noted they were using a word (gazillion) that isnt a word....sorry for the confusion.

The combination of qualities that qualify a string of letters as a word in a given language has been the subject of debate among lexicographers for many decades. However, two factors tend to reside near the top of most of their lists: relatively common usage and the inclusion of the string in a recognized published dictionary. While it is described as informal at dictionary.com, "gazillion" is the first entry on page 519 of my desktop Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary.

 

[kitedemon]

The combination of qualities that qualify a string of letters as a word in a given language has been the subject of debate among lexicographers for many decades. However, two factors tend to reside near the top of most of their lists: relatively common usage and the inclusion of the string in a recognized published dictionary. While it is described as informal at dictionary.com, "gazillion" is the first entry on page 519 of my desktop Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary.

Even Dictionary.com has a definition for gazillion. But we digress.

 

[kitedemon]

Press 61 for a list of authentic sounding acronyms like ROTFF (rolling on the floor ??? farting? felching? fingering? fillibustering? fu...well you get the idea) that you can use to make yourself appear 'hip'.
Press 62 to learn how to avoid using the word 'hip' in public ever again.

 

[ggoof]

Press 63 # your_penis_lenght_in_inches # to match up with a literotican with the appropriate pussy size.

 

[Cardinal]

Sweet Erika you are are hilarious!

Press 64 if you are wondering how to stop the itching after you shave.
Press 65 if you want to know where to find "magic shave"

 

[NaiveOne]

Press 66 if you have recurring pus-like cauliflower looking pimples on your genitalia and are wondering what they are, but really just need a kick in the ass and be told to go the the doctor.
Press 67 if you want to know what very, very, very odd items you can use as a dildo.