new in countless ways

[infatuatedkitty]

I originally started going to Literotica to read the stories in the hopes of adding spice to a very bland and cautious and virgin life. I have been very cautious, almost to the point of fearful, of my sexuality and sex life (which is non-existent), but now I'm to the point where I am 22 and wanting to become liberated, even if it is in the virtual world.

I've had sexual feelings and thoughts about women since I can remember. I even have a vague memory of being aroused by the games I would play with my little girl friends when I was really young. But it wasn't until my first year of college that I acknowledged that I might be bisexual. My problem is this: I have never been with anyone, man nor woman, in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. The extent of my bisexuality is the fact that women turn me on greatly, I fantasize about them constantly and get excited when I see pictures or movies with women nude and engaging in hot uninhibited sex. And that makes me question my sexuality in it's entirety. Am I bisexual, or do all of these feelings stem merely because I lack experience and now find myself incredibly sexually frustrated? Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. It's just about damn time that I get all of this out of my head.

 

[Never]

First off infatuated kitty, welcome to Literotica and the GBLT community. As you've probably noticed, this board doesn't get as much activity as others so I'm sorry that you've had to wait for a reply.

You asked: Am I bisexual, or do all of these feelings stem merely because I lack experience and now find myself incredibly sexually frustrated?

It's a great question but sadly, the only one here who can answer it is you.

I can say that bisexuality covers a broad spectrum of desires and interests. Some bisexual women are mostly straight but enjoy a sexual encounter with a woman on occasion, while others find they need a sexual and romantic relationship with both genders in order to feel satisfied.

If you're not sure however, my only advice is to stop concentrating on the noun and focus on the verbs. Instead of asking yourself, "Am I bisexual?" find a woman you're attracted to and ask yourself questions like, "If she asked me out, would I say yes?" "When I stand close to her, does my skin flush - does my body tell me to get closer?" "Has a woman ever looked me in the eyes and smiled, making me suddenly weak in the knees and tongue tied?"

I came out when I was fourteen but didn't have sex until I was twenty. People would ask me how I could *know* I was queer if I'd never had sex with a woman.

For me, it was always an incredibly stupid question. I knew because when I was twelve, Brianna moved away during the school year and I sobbed in my pillow for nights because my heart was *breaking*. I knew because when I sixteen, my school took an all day field trip and Stacy sat on my lap, curled up, and napped all the way home. When we got back to school, I ended up in the girl's bathroom, rubbing my wet clit so hard and fast it hurt because my body was *dying* for release. I knew because I spent years in the girl's changing-room, staring into my locker because if I looked up at the other semi-naked girls, I'd have to stare. They were so *beautiful*.

Forget your fantasies for awhile and start concentrating on how the real women around you make you feel both physically and emotionally.

 

[infatuatedkitty]

Hey, thanks so much. You make some great points. The problem is, I don't know if I can picture myself dating another woman. I don't necessarily get butterflies in my stomach when I'm around a certain girl. I am just incredibly turned on by women, the thought of them, the sight of their skin...I don't know what I want. And I don't know if any of these feelings are because I am really lonely.
I guess I won't know until some special person comes along and helps me really understand it all. I'm having difficulty figuring it out on my own.

 

[snowy ciara]

awesome postage, Never. Welcome Kitty.

 

[Etoile]

Never, you rock so hard.

My only contribution is a bit of humor: the Heterosexual Questionnaire.

Don't let your professed sexuality define what experiences you choose. Because you're completely new to this, just go with what feels right, and base your sexuality on that.

 

[briar_rose]

I have to re-enforce what Etoile says. DO what feels right. Be that man or woman who knows until you explore.

I know one excuse i used to give myself about enjoying watching a woman have hot sex was because i was able to imagine i was her and associate. I'm now more aware that i'd like explore the feminine body more than that.

I can't really offer anything much more though. Good luck

 

[FrenchMustard]

In the end, these things are labels--it makes it easier to talk about who we are sometimes, and they confuse us other times. Never gives very great advice--see how you react with a specific person, rather than try to answer these abstract, universal questions--because you never will answer them completely.

And if you end up deciding that 'bi' is the best label for you, believe in yourself and be prepared for shittiness from straight and gay people, and just stick up for yourself, and eventually you'll find that the people who matter will be standing beside you.

I originally started going to Literotica to read the stories in the hopes of adding spice to a very bland and cautious and virgin life. I have been very cautious, almost to the point of fearful, of my sexuality and sex life (which is non-existent), but now I'm to the point where I am 22 and wanting to become liberated, even if it is in the virtual world.

I've had sexual feelings and thoughts about women since I can remember. I even have a vague memory of being aroused by the games I would play with my little girl friends when I was really young. But it wasn't until my first year of college that I acknowledged that I might be bisexual. My problem is this: I have never been with anyone, man nor woman, in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. The extent of my bisexuality is the fact that women turn me on greatly, I fantasize about them constantly and get excited when I see pictures or movies with women nude and engaging in hot uninhibited sex. And that makes me question my sexuality in it's entirety. Am I bisexual, or do all of these feelings stem merely because I lack experience and now find myself incredibly sexually frustrated? Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. It's just about damn time that I get all of this out of my head.

 

[infatuatedkitty]

Thanks to everyone that has responded so far...you all have given me great advice and words of encouragement. Every day is a struggle for me lately. Not that that is relevant, it's just that I'm grateful that I can hear some positivity and kindness. So thank you.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

Some people could claim to be bi-sexual, actually try it and not like it. I guess they could be considered more open minded than the rest.

Satisfy your curiosity but stay safe and keep the mind open. I think you could find your answers that way.

 

[FrenchMustard]

Some people could claim to be bi-sexual, actually try it and not like it. I guess they could be considered more open minded than the rest.

Satisfy your curiosity but stay safe and keep the mind open. I think you could find your answers that way.

This is the best advice of all. Remember, it's always your right to say 'no' regardless of the situation you're in. Stay safe, and remember that you're in charge of your situation.

 

[BetweenHerLegs]

So much variation

It's definitely important to key in on what's inside you and to try as hard as you can to not focus on fitting that stuff into one or more particular containers. There's a lot more variety in sexual orientation than just three simple buckets to put things in.

For example, I call myself bi in erotically-charged situations, but the truth is that I really consider myself a physically open lesbian. I've never been in an emotional love relationship with anyone but women. Until a few years ago, I did consider myself a lesbian, but some experiences at that time opened up sexually to a whole variety of new experiences, and I discovered great physical pleasure in men's bodies. Nothing emotional, and if I had to pick, I'd pick a woman every time. Am I bisexual? In some contexts, yes; in others, no.

My gf is almost the exact opposite. She is emotionally and sexually very open and has had satifying relationships with both men and women. But she, when she feels compelled to "identify" herself usually speaks in terms of her committed relationship. When I first met her, she was coming out of a relationship with a man and was calling herself straight. Now she calls herself a lesbian. But she and I are very sexually active and engage in threesomes with men, and she gets as into the man as anyone.

Then there's a male friend of mine who considers himself gay. He only has sexual relationships with gay or bi men and with bisexual women. He thoroughly enjoyes the physical contact with the bisexual women, but he cringes at the thought of touching a straight person, man or woman.

(shrug) Labels...

 

[amBIguous]

This is just a random observation about labels. Not really meaning to go anywhere with it.

I see a lot of talk about how people use different labels to identify themselves in different situations or at different times.

BetweenHerLegs wrote: (and I only use this because it was the latest, this is in no way criticial of BHL - nice forum name by the way )

For example, I call myself bi in erotically-charged situations

she was coming out of a relationship with a man and was calling herself straight. Now she calls herself a lesbian

I myself have done this, been straight, gay, bisexual, straight again, now bisexual again. Whenever I have changed the identifying label, I get looks from friends in apparent confusion (go figure) and then I've gotten comments from the more opinionated about how I was jumping ship, switching teams, "oh, he's just confused", "you wait, he'll be back".

Given the countless threads here on LIT and on other forums about the topic of labels, why is it so hard to understand and accept that the label you use is not the defining element? But simply the outward expression of your current state. And understand that it is a changeable and imprecise label at that? Yes, I'm bi now, but when I'm in the mood, I'm gay, or straight, or at times totally asexual. What about "multi-sexual"?

Once again, not really going anywhere, just thinking out loud.

 

[playwithlezli]

Mostly I just say that I love who I love, old/young, rich/poor, black/white, male/female. Can't wait till the world doesn't care, think of all the energy we would have for the important things like world peace, hunger etc!

Sigh....I am such an idealist.....but one must never give up hope, baby steps for giant changes eh.

Off on holidays, so talk to y'all later.

 

[infatuatedkitty]

When I told my best friend that I thought I was bisexual, she said, "Why do you need to put a label on it?" We talked about attraction, and how she is attracted to some women but when it comes down to it she only wants to have sex with men. But whatever I felt, it came down to what I wanted and what was right for me.
The need to put a label comes from this damn society that likes everything in a nice little category so that it can sort out the world. And the need to label it comes from my own need to name who I am and figure out my identity. I don't like floating around in this little ambiguous world of questions about who I am. And that's why I asked the questions I did in the opening thread, because I need to know if my feelings are valid and real, and not just another part of the confusion.
My problem is that I'm too afraid to test them. I'm too afraid to put myself out there, to women and men, to see what it is that I like or what feels right for me. I'm a young girl, not that attractive in my own eyes, in college and living on campus so the possibility of branching out seems limited. I think in time I'll be able to really figure it all out, but in the mean time it's very lonely.

Again, thank you all for such supportive and helpful words.

 

[neonflux]

In my own experience, sometimes labels have helped me to discover myself, at other points they have inhibited self-discovery. When you are able to act on your desires, you will take one step closer towards clearing up the ambiguity you feel. Until then, love yourself and listen to your heart. (I know, not always the easiest thing to do, especially when the world in which we live may seem so constrained, something with which I am familiar, having grown up in Texas.) At least as you begin this journey, you have an accepting friend with whom you can talk. You also have friends here who value you and want to support you whichever path or paths you choose.

With affection,
Neon

P.S., Never, thank you for an utterly awesome post!

When I told my best friend that I thought I was bisexual, she said, "Why do you need to put a label on it?" We talked about attraction, and how she is attracted to some women but when it comes down to it she only wants to have sex with men. But whatever I felt, it came down to what I wanted and what was right for me.
The need to put a label comes from this damn society that likes everything in a nice little category so that it can sort out the world. And the need to label it comes from my own need to name who I am and figure out my identity. I don't like floating around in this little ambiguous world of questions about who I am. And that's why I asked the questions I did in the opening thread, because I need to know if my feelings are valid and real, and not just another part of the confusion.
My problem is that I'm too afraid to test them. I'm too afraid to put myself out there, to women and men, to see what it is that I like or what feels right for me. I'm a young girl, not that attractive in my own eyes, in college and living on campus so the possibility of branching out seems limited. I think in time I'll be able to really figure it all out, but in the mean time it's very lonely.

Again, thank you all for such supportive and helpful words.