New Erotic Horror story? Oh, it's true. It's damn true!

[El Folo]

Oh snap vatos, check this out:

http://www.literotica.com/s/on-the-road-again-9

On The Road Again, something I wrote, finally approved recently, so, I'm like super stoked. Give it a read, friends. And do tell me what you guys think, I'm eager for any sort of feedback at all.

 

[Lien_Geller]

This was very short and very hard hitting. I think. I wasn’t entirely sure about what was going on but I’m pretty sure I got the gist of it.

The first thing I noted was that this wasn’t really all that suited to erotic horror. I’m a bit of a horror junkie and this didn’t set any sort of scene that scared me. I just found it very sad. I don’t say that in a bad way because it evoked an emotion and getting any kind of rise from a reader is a win from my P.O.V. It’s just that this wasn’t very scary.

That said, you did write a lot that I liked.

‘Phillip awoke at dawnbreak, strong rays of gold and warmth heating him up enough to let him remember how much he was freezing.’ – Loved the contrast there for example.

There was also a depressing kind of beauty to the tale but I have to say that it could really use a few good revisions. I feel for Phil and his predicament because you’re very good at showing the pain he’s in and thus you create empathy for him. Everyone knows what it’s like to feel cold. It’s relatable. The initial section isn’t quite as settling. I don’t really know what was going on there. I think it was the girl from the letter having a nightmare but I’m not entirely sure. You didn’t make it very clear. In any case the girl could do with a bit more fleshing out.

Finally something that really nagged me was this:

“You are our daughter, and we made mistakes raising you, but we love you more than there is sand in Egypt.” – That just feels very forced and flowery for a relative who truly misses their lost progeny.

Something I’d advise you to do is go back over your story and try reading it aloud according to what you’ve put down. If it sounds right then you’re set. Sometimes things just jump out like sore thumbs when you have to say them that you don’t pick up when you’re just skimming your eyes over text.

Anyhoo there’s your feedback. Hope it was at least a little bit useful for you! You’ve obviously got some good ideas. Just spend more time with them before flinging them out into the world!

 

[El Folo]

This was very short and very hard hitting. I think. I wasn’t entirely sure about what was going on but I’m pretty sure I got the gist of it.

Yeah, most of my ideas are short. I like the idea of something that wraps up nicely.

The first thing I noted was that this wasn’t really all that suited to erotic horror. I’m a bit of a horror junkie and this didn’t set any sort of scene that scared me. I just found it very sad. I don’t say that in a bad way because it evoked an emotion and getting any kind of rise from a reader is a win from my P.O.V. It’s just that this wasn’t very scary.

I respect your feedback, and I get what you're saying. However, I'm not too sure about this. I don't mean that it doesn't scare you. After all, one man's trip to the mundane is another man's phobia.

But, that in itself makes me wonder about this bit of criticism, as what's horrific for one might very well be silly, or simply erotic, or just boring to another. If I made a movie about killer clowns, it might make some laugh at the ridiculousness, and cause pant-shitting for others. Personally, I find tragedy to be terrifying, and by (attempting to) make Julia's past tragic, spooked the hell out of me.

That said, you did write a lot that I liked.

‘Phillip awoke at dawnbreak, strong rays of gold and warmth heating him up enough to let him remember how much he was freezing.’ – Loved the contrast there for example.

<3 I'm always a sucker for contradiction. Like a moth to an ice-cube!

There was also a depressing kind of beauty to the tale but I have to say that it could really use a few good revisions. I feel for Phil and his predicament because you’re very good at showing the pain he’s in and thus you create empathy for him. Everyone knows what it’s like to feel cold. It’s relatable. The initial section isn’t quite as settling. I don’t really know what was going on there. I think it was the girl from the letter having a nightmare but I’m not entirely sure. You didn’t make it very clear. In any case the girl could do with a bit more fleshing out.

Well, I'm sorry about that. But, if I made things clear in the beginning, then I'd explain anything confusing. That unfortunately wasn't what I was going for.

Finally something that really nagged me was this:

“You are our daughter, and we made mistakes raising you, but we love you more than there is sand in Egypt.” – That just feels very forced and flowery for a relative who truly misses their lost progeny.

Really?

Something I’d advise you to do is go back over your story and try reading it aloud according to what you’ve put down. If it sounds right then you’re set. Sometimes things just jump out like sore thumbs when you have to say them that you don’t pick up when you’re just skimming your eyes over text.

That's a pretty goddamn good idea, actually.

Anyhoo there’s your feedback. Hope it was at least a little bit useful for you! You’ve obviously got some good ideas. Just spend more time with them before flinging them out into the world!

Thaaanks, buddah!

 

[Dream_Operator]

I don't know how to write this next part. We spoke with your therapist, the one you say privately, in high school...we're not angry about that, we would have helped pay for it if we knew, but I understand that you wanted privacy.

Wouldn't the therapist have been bound by the Doctor and Client privilege?

This part doesn't make any sense to me.

 

[El Folo]

Wouldn't the therapist have been bound by the Doctor and Client privilege?

This part doesn't make any sense to me.

Yeah, he or she probably would be.