New Dom looking for advice

[SirFer]

Hi everyone.

New male Dom to the scene, very interested in the lifestyle but never actively participated before. As such I'm sure there are rules and a certain etiquette within the scene of which I'm possibly unaware or otherwise unfamiliar with. I'd like to hear some advice from any experienced female Subs or male Doms willing to offer their insights to help a new male Dom along the path towards a healthy, caring, exciting relationship with a female Sub.

Of course, I'm also looking for a female Sub (maybe one who is also new to the scene?) who is willing to learn and adapt together with me towards this new and different lifestyle. If there are any takers, PM me for intro and further contact to see if we are well matched!

Any advice for a new Dom on entering the lifestyle and scene or on finding suitable female Submissives, success stories or warnings on what to look out for would be great!

 

[Killishandra]

Some advice

I'll offer some advice on finding a suitable partner. My Dominant and I (His name is Marquis and He's a poster here on Lit) met through the website Collarme. We toot the collarme horn quite a lot these days, since it worked so well for us. There are a few other bdsm personals sites, such as Alt and BDSM Personals.

My suggestion would be to ask anyone you start seriously conversing with to jump on a webcam with you within a few days (and buy one yourself right away, since you shouldn't ask them to do it if you aren't able to as well.) This will weed out the guys pretending to be girls. Cams run $20-30 at Walmart, so there's no good excuse not to pick one up.

This is important... Write a good profile. Ironically, I emailed Marquis through the site even though He had nothing in His profile, but He wrote me back a good email and we took it from there (I was only complimenting Him on His pictures.) However, the other Doms I emailed were only ones who had VERY interesting and detailed profiles that caught my attention. Also, put at least one picture up in your profile. Collarme, for example, gives searchers the option of seeing only profiles with pictures. Some people won't even look at a profile with no pic attached... You've gotta wonder WHY in this day and age, when it's ridiculously easy to have a digital pic of yourself, that someone with a profile would not post a pic. If you're nervous about it, use photoshop to crop out your eyes and retain your anonymity. But post SOME sort of picture, or else you'll come off as less-than-serious about being there in the first place.

I'll let the more experienced people answer your etiquette question. Good luck searching for a submissive.

 

[catalina_francisco]

First suggestion is to do a lot of reading from a variety of sources so you begin to get a feel for what you are looking for, what is going to work for you, and how to go about it all. As Killi said, a good profile is essential...I actually never replied or contacted anyone in my time who had next to nothing in their profile simply because I figured they were not as serious about finding someone as I was. If they had a profile in which they could articulate who they were and what they were looking for it spoke volumes to me.

I was not so big on pictures or webcamming, especially in the beginning of getting to know someone as I was more into getting to know the person, not become distracted by their appearance, good or bad. For me it was easier to get to know who they really were without the visual and as such I became wary of those who also wanted pics of me or webcamming from the beginning. I can understand the issue of knowing for sure you are conversing with the gender you believe you are, but then even once that is settled you face the issue of perhaps not getting an accurate picture of who they are on the inside simply because they can present themselves in whatever way they want. For me it was partly a trust thing as well in showing that I trusted them to be honest with me..if they weren't it was them who lost out...fortunately I never had any who weren't though I suspect there were a few who were more occupied with getting sex than actually finding a submissive...they didn't last long.

For the most part you will need to find your own feet because no-one can step into your shoes and tell you what is right for you. A lot of it will be experimenting and finding your own way, a lot will depend on who you play or interact with. Good luck in your journey...it can be one hell of a ride.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

He and I met on alt (Killi has link in her response)

Neither of us posted a pic, I was drawn to his profile, both Killi and Cat make good points about having a good profile.

I would say that not having hard and fast rules about the type of submissive you want but keeping an open mind and deciding once you start talking to her has benefits.

As a new person you can listen to other ideas discover what they get out of it helping you decide if thats something you want to try.

Also helps you decide where your own limits are, its one thing reading about an activity its another going through with it(or not).

I learnt alot from hanging around these halls of knowledge and filled bins of fluff.

You know what you enjoy and want to try.

Joining alocal play party event or a local munch is a good way to meet other people who have similiar views and they usually know people who know people and somewhere in there may be the person for you.

Interesting how its femsubs who have answered you so far.

Perhaps the Doms are in hiding after Marquis said the femsubs appear to run the place

 

[chris9]

Try to learn from everybody, not only those that primarily interest you (male dom, female sub). Even couples run 'the other way' can offer good advice, ideas, something worth thinking about.
Don't read only threads with subjects you're interested in, threads evolve and some will offer things that will help you in your situation without saying so in the first post.
I don't know any RL scene, so I can't help you on the etiquette part. Online I believe the most important is to stay honest, especially while searching for someone.
Be patient and have fun learning!

 

[serijules]

My suggestion would be to ask anyone you start seriously conversing with to jump on a webcam with you within a few days (and buy one yourself right away, since you shouldn't ask them to do it if you aren't able to as well.) This will weed out the guys pretending to be girls. Cams run $20-30 at Walmart, so there's no good excuse not to pick one up.

Just another view on this (and I do agree with this view as well, just noting it's not quite that simple). Long ago when I was unattached and somewhat kinda looking, and still thought I was into guys...any guy that asked for pictures or wanted to webcam with me without getting to know me first immediately went in my trash bin. I just wasn't interested in guys that had this need to know what I looked like before they were interested in getting to know me...it screams SHALLOW! to me. *shrugs* I understand wanting to know what another person looks like, but in my opinion it is more important to see if you are even compatible with them as a person before diving into the looks department. Besides, some people really are too private to let a stranger into their "homes" via cam...I would NEVER cam with anyone I didn't know very well. To me, it's the internet version of inviting someone into my home.

That being said, I was friends for years with a guy that turned out to really be a girl, and it's not fun at all to find out something like that about another person.

 

[Guest]

An Aussie?

 

[MasterQyis]

Find a partner you get along with

I would look into finding similiar interests BDSM a good start. Sort out the pretenders from the dort and you will find what you are looking for. I have a wonderful young slave girl. Just takes time and a bit of soul searching. A good Dom can spot a slave from a mile away.

Qyis

 

[Killishandra]

Just another view on this (and I do agree with this view as well, just noting it's not quite that simple). Long ago when I was unattached and somewhat kinda looking, and still thought I was into guys...any guy that asked for pictures or wanted to webcam with me without getting to know me first immediately went in my trash bin. I just wasn't interested in guys that had this need to know what I looked like before they were interested in getting to know me...it screams SHALLOW! to me. *shrugs* I understand wanting to know what another person looks like, but in my opinion it is more important to see if you are even compatible with them as a person before diving into the looks department. Besides, some people really are too private to let a stranger into their "homes" via cam...I would NEVER cam with anyone I didn't know very well. To me, it's the internet version of inviting someone into my home.

That being said, I was friends for years with a guy that turned out to really be a girl, and it's not fun at all to find out something like that about another person.

Good point, serijules and catalina. Our views differ on this subject, but I can definitely see why you hold yours and I can agree with the reasoning behind it. (For me personally, I would still ask them to jump on the webcam, but you know my reasoning for that also.)

 

[SirFer]

Thank you all for your advice and well wishes. I'll take it all on board!

 

[Cullinane]

Be yourself

The only thing I would add to all this is don't try to "be dominant" in whatever form you think that is. Just be yourself, have fun, and find a partner that agrees with how you naturally are in the bdsm sense. Whether it is 24/7, only playtime, or a combination of both, just relax and don't force anything just to "portray a role".

 

[Her sissy slave]

advice to a new Dom from a male slave;

i will try to be serious here for You. i was going to tease You but decided against.

i guess? that alt.com and places...some say yeah...i myself thought it sucked. too many smartasses.

i like collarme and literotica myself. better class of people i think myself.

i have tried a few over the years. i liked a few yahoo groups. found some great male doms that were great listeners and gave wonderful advice to all concerned. very very few msn groups are good as i see it myself --a bit too snotty and uppity.

good luck to You, Sir, in Your quest.

a male slave