New Author

[Sensualdreamer]

Just last month I had four stories post, 1 story is in the Nonconsent/reluctance genre, while 3 others are a mini-series and are in the Erotic coupling genre. I'm fairly new at writing and take my stories from dreams I've had - due to this fact they're always written in the first person.

I would appreciate feedback to include constructive criticism; though I don't want personal attacks. I write under the same name Sensualdreamer.

Thank you in advance

 

[Cold_Eyes]

I read the stand-alone story. Not bad, but there are some simple missteps you could avoid in the future.

1. Avoid the information dump at the beginning of a story. In the stand-alone, cut out your first paragraph and insert those details into the story as necessary. So many stories on Lit start out with "She/I was a x'x" [hair color] looker with [color] eyes." You want to start your story where the action begins, you don't want to hand the reader a character guide. In this case, maybe you could have someone in the character's class hit on her or have her describe herself by what the stranger in the window sees (e.g., "Was he admiring my curled blonde hair?")

I took a peek at the beginning of the 3-part series as well. I like this opening better because you start off already inside the narrative. But you go on too long about the intricacies of the dress, etc. Actually, this could be a great opening, because you could use it to have the main character think about why she chose each piece of clothing. That would reveal her personality without directly stating it.

2. Keep characterization or motives in mind. The story follows the fairly standard structure of many of the "woman's body betrays her" type stories in nonconsent. Nothing wrong with that, but you can always make a better case for why the two get together with more thought about motivation. Maybe the stranger is really someone in her class that she's been checking out. He wears a mask to keep his identity hidden. When she realizes who it is by his voice or some mannerism, she begins to enjoy it. Just one way the story could go.

3. Watch out for redundant information. Here's an example:

"I simply cried: "Please let me go! I don't want this to happen please let me go!"

He merely laughed at me. I didn't want this to happen, not here, not now, not ever!"

You've given the information through dialogue already. The last sentence can be cut because the reader already has the info he needs.

You learn something every time you write, so keep going and see what happens. The more you practice the more you'll catch your own errors as you make them.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Thank you - yeah I can see where my first attempt could've been improved in how it starts out