New Author - Very long read.

[Dregun]

Hello,

First I would like to thank my editor (Celest81) for combing through all 18k+ words multiple times and pointing out many errors. She offered me some suggestions to improve the flow of the reading for this first chapter and I'm greatful for that.

Second I would like to thank those of you who helped me when I had a problem trying to figure out how to get my character into the realm of a Legal Adult. It was crucial to me that my character have no say in certain matters and a lot of suggestions helped me accomplish that.



Now onto the show.

Donovan Chronicles - Awakening -Ch1
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=430012

As this is the only piece of writing I have ever done and since I don't read much, I'm looking forward to constructive critisism (even non constructive) that may help me before I publish Ch2 and Ch3. This is a long read and I really wanted to convey a sense of emotion for the main character. Many may not like to have erotic material with such a somber and delicate main character but I thought it added some depth to the story.

I know I need work in a few areas but I would like to hear your comments on them as well; although I wouldn't mind getting some "fluff" what I'm really interested in is hard critiquing.

I hope you enjoy my story and look forward to your comments.


Dregun

 

[Dregun]

Taking some of the suggestions a reader left for me in the comments section I'm going over Ch2 and making it past tense. After reading my story I can see where I sometimes jumped a little; most of the time I felt it was dialog related and will work on that consistantly.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Present tense is an uncomfortable tense. Past tense = narrative present. Present tense, if not handled well, opens the question of how can this action be unfolding and the story be told at the exact same time. I wouldn't change tenses, though.

6 Lit pages is a lot of story. You've got a pretty decent story and only two comments at the end. That tells me people didn't get to the end. 18,000 words is a lot to take in, in one sitting. Usually, breaking it into smaller chunks and posting it serially works better because people have the time to devote to the whole story. Consider this: around 75 new stories appear on the lists every day. Usually. The average person stays on the site for 20 minutes. Now, in those 1.5 millions hits a day, some people navigate away immediately, which chips away at the the people who stick around for a few hours chatting, hanging on the forums, or reading stories. However, this is still a decent number to keep in the back of your mind. How long of a chapter does a reader want to commit to? Bear in mind that they are committing to getting involved with the characters and plot first and getting aroused and getting off second. Most people come here to get off. Are you wrong for having that many words? No. Should you consider length when chaptering? Yes. The most important consideration, though, should be to the chapter's natural endings.

 

[Dregun]

Thanks for the reply.

My editor and I have discussed reducing the chapter size for my next installment; since I already have it written, we are going to submit it as Ch2 and Ch3. That will cut it in half to about 8,000 words per chapter; do you think that is still too much?

The problem I have is I'm being very descriptive with the sex, ch2 has two scenes where sexual contact is taking place. The first scene is roughly 4,600 words; almost as much as many people’s entire chapters. The second scene is somewhat smaller at around 3,200 words; that means 1/2 of my story does not contain sex, but considering the length of the "non-sex" I'm afraid of turning off readers.

I will be able to end both ch2 and ch3 with a sex scene; I'm hoping it is enough for people to get fulfillment at it's conclusion. After reading many stories on here I have noticed many things that I don't want my work to be. I've seen authors build up this great suspense and then the sex comprises of about 100 words if your lucky, that just doesn't feel real to me. Neither does the reader knowing little at all about the characters involved as they hump away like rabbits.

This is my first time writing, and to be honest I was expecting a lot of negative feedback. Yet I would have gladly received a bunch of negative feedback then none at all but this was the chance I took.

My goal with my story was only to have my readers experience some of the emotions my main character was feeling at that time. If I can make them laugh, cry and get off; I think it will make the story seem more believable to them and possibly make them want to put the effort into works they wouldn't normally spend the time in reading.

Thanks for your feedback, I hope you will give my second and third chapters a read as the story unfolds, I hope to submit them tomorrow for approval.

Dregun

 

[Dregun]

I just submitted Ch2; it is about half of the size as Ch1, clocking at just over 10,000 words (17.5 Ms Word pages).

I'm hoping people will read Ch2 and like it enough to go back and put the time into Ch1 before I submit ch3 later this week.