New author seeks feedback

[BiteMyLip]

Hi all. I only recently joined and posted a couple of erotic encounter stories. I’m interested in your thoughts and any creative or constructive advice you can offer.

I have a few other ideas percolating in my mind and would like to make sure I give them the best shot possible.

Thanks in advance to anyone who does take the time to read and comment.

Story 1 - The Rendezvous:
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-rendezvous-23

Story 2 - Morning Sex:
https://www.literotica.com/s/morning-sex-21

 

[THBGato]

I had a quick look at Morning Sex. I'm not the intended audience for it, so take my feedback with that in mind. It seemed very well-written and sensual - excellent use of sensory description, very visual. I liked that you avoided giving stats (height, weight, etc) and making it sound like a witness statement.

The received wisdom on Lit is that second person narratives are not popular, but personally I'm not bothered by that. For a short scene, I think it worked.

What was lacking for me was any frisson or emotional context. I think it's difficult to achieve that with established couples, personally. Making this a first time, or a long time crush being requited, or maybe even make up sex, would have added more emotional weight, more tension to it. Something that allows us to know who the participants are to each other. But, like I said, I'm not the audience for this: maybe there will be plenty of readers out there who will enjoy this.

 

[BiteMyLip]

I had a quick look at Morning Sex. I'm not the intended audience for it, so take my feedback with that in mind. It seemed very well-written and sensual - excellent use of sensory description, very visual. I liked that you avoided giving stats (height, weight, etc) and making it sound like a witness statement.

The received wisdom on Lit is that second person narratives are not popular, but personally I'm not bothered by that. For a short scene, I think it worked.

What was lacking for me was any frisson or emotional context. I think it's difficult to achieve that with established couples, personally. Making this a first time, or a long time crush being requited, or maybe even make up sex, would have added more emotional weight, more tension to it. Something that allows us to know who the participants are to each other. But, like I said, I'm not the audience for this: maybe there will be plenty of readers out there who will enjoy this.

Thanks for the valuable feedback - I really appreciate it.