New author here... Would love feedback

[Nightandmizz]

One story already posted two more pending would love to hear what you guys think.

 

[sr71plt]

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=3146068&page=submissions

 

[LWulf]

One story already posted two more pending would love to hear what you guys think.

The point generally is to make it easy for those you would like to comment, by posting a link to the story and give what elements are in the story (ie group sex, straight, bi, gay, lesbian, etc.

This makes it easy for people to decide whether to read the story or not. Some people don't wish to read one fetish or another...

 

[PennLady]

I read some of your story. I'm sorry I didn't read the whole thing, but the truth is it isn't very well-written. There are a lot of mechanical problems, like "waste" when you meant "waist," and punctuation issues especially with the dialogue, even through there wasn't much of that.

Despite all the sex stuff, I didn't find it very sexy or arousing. Sorry. it was like reading a report. It was this happened and that happened, and not much of how any of the participants felt, or what they felt.

 

[NotWise]

I read some of your story. I'm sorry I didn't read the whole thing, but the truth is it isn't very well-written. There are a lot of mechanical problems, like "waste" when you meant "waist," and punctuation issues especially with the dialogue, even through there wasn't much of that.

Despite all the sex stuff, I didn't find it very sexy or arousing. Sorry. it was like reading a report. It was this happened and that happened, and not much of how any of the participants felt, or what they felt.

I agree. I just didn't have PennLady's relatively polite way of saying it.

 

[Nightandmizz]

Thank you

I read some of your story. I'm sorry I didn't read the whole thing, but the truth is it isn't very well-written. There are a lot of mechanical problems, like "waste" when you meant "waist," and punctuation issues especially with the dialogue, even through there wasn't much of that.

Despite all the sex stuff, I didn't find it very sexy or arousing. Sorry. it was like reading a report. It was this happened and that happened, and not much of how any of the participants felt, or what they felt.

This is what I need to hear. Got to start somewhere and I really want to get good at sharing our story.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

The slits on the sides went all the way up to her waste

EWWWWWWWW Thank god her ass was edible.

People grow up exposed to stories, all know how stories work. Start with what you know how to do.

 

[Nightandmizz]

Second story is up

Hope I did a better job this time... True account of Mizz and I's first swing encounter with our best friends Thomas and Gem. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

https://www.literotica.com/s/first-swing-4

 

[DreamCloud]

I believe you need to do some more show instead of tell. I prefer scenes developing as I read. It allows me to participate in the what's going on.

Tell
All that changed one day when we were online just checking our accounts on a fetish networking website and low and behold we found our best friends Gem and Thomas!

Show
"Oh my God," Mizz said pointing at the screen. "It's Gem and Thomas." I was surprised as she was, never expecting to see our best friends prominently displayed on our favorite BDSM site.

"Click their profile," I instructed, pointing stupidly at the mouse. "This is crazy. How could we not know they share our kink?"

 

[Nightandmizz]

I believe you need to do some more show instead of tell. I prefer scenes developing as I read. It allows me to participate in the what's going on.

Tell
All that changed one day when we were online just checking our accounts on a fetish networking website and low and behold we found our best friends Gem and Thomas!

Show
"Oh my God," Mizz said pointing at the screen. "It's Gem and Thomas." I was surprised as she was, never expecting to see our best friends prominently displayed on our favorite BDSM site.

"Click their profile," I instructed, pointing stupidly at the mouse. "This is crazy. How could we not know they share our kink?"

Definitely will keep that in mind! Thank you.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Hope I did a better job this time... True account of Mizz and I's first swing encounter with our best friends Thomas and Gem. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

https://www.literotica.com/s/first-swing-4

lose the numbers. by that i mean the height and size of her boobs.

keep practicing, though.

 

[Nightandmizz]

lose the numbers. by that i mean the height and size of her boobs.

keep practicing, though.

That was actually a request I had from someone who wanted to know specifics on them sorry

 

[geronimo_appleby]

That was actually a request I had from someone who wanted to know specifics on them sorry

ah, got it. that's the way it goes sometimes.

 

[Nightandmizz]

New story up

http://i.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=1344294

 

[PennLady]

http://i.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=1344294

I glanced at this one. I think you're going to run into some resistance with the use of the I/you format. That seems to be a storytelling method that a lot of people, including myself, don't like. There's nothing wrong with it, but I get the sense that unless you're sharing this kind of story specifically with the "you", most people won't care for it.

There are still some punctuation issues with dialogue.

For example, you wrote: "You're not going anywhere" I whisper. There should be a comma after anywhere, before the close quote.

Later: "Oh yes, she is. Thank you for preparing her for me." The stranger says.

It should be: "Oh yes, she is. Thank you for preparing her for me," the stranger says. Comma before the close quote, lower case t.

 

[Nightandmizz]

Thank you

I glanced at this one. I think you're going to run into some resistance with the use of the I/you format. That seems to be a storytelling method that a lot of people, including myself, don't like. There's nothing wrong with it, but I get the sense that unless you're sharing this kind of story specifically with the "you", most people won't care for it.

There are still some punctuation issues with dialogue.

For example, you wrote: "You're not going anywhere" I whisper. There should be a comma after anywhere, before the close quote.

Later: "Oh yes, she is. Thank you for preparing her for me." The stranger says.

It should be: "Oh yes, she is. Thank you for preparing her for me," the stranger says. Comma before the close quote, lower case t.

Thanks for being constructive.