New Author Advice

[classymissm]

I am very new to the author/writing side of Literotica and have already had some chapters of a story posted (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=354202). The thing is, this is the very first story I've ever written (erotica or not) and I've stumbled upon a bit of writer's block. I started out really excited about it and now I'm worried that I've written myself into a corner. Anyway, I would greatly appreciate any feedback on it and any writing advice in general. I'd especially like comments on things other than grammatical/spelling errors and word misuses unless it's something I did throughout multiple chapters and don't seem to be fixing. Comments on things like plot, characterization, dramatization and flow are much more helpful in the long run. Thanks!

 

[DeeZire]

Being not much of a writer myself, my advice is probably worthless, but -

I think you could do some serious editing. I only got as far as when she woke up at 5 am, (a little past that, actually) and then stopped.

I've seen some threads around here about exposition. One technique is to let the reader know about the background info on a need-to-know basis. In other words, work it into the story as the action unfolds, rather than set up the story first.

I think you could have condensed the whole story, clear to where I stopped reading, into 3 paragraphs. The dialog between her and the guy could have been cut down to practically nothing, but still had the same affect of introducing the two characters. A good writer can tell you more with one descriptive sentence and one line of dialog than an average writer can tell you in a whole page.

Please understand, I'm coming from the less-is-more school, which is not everyone's cup of tea. I even load my own stories down with unnecessary exposition because I don't have the skills to work it in as needed.

I would say that your writing skills are fine, it's just a matter of getting to the point, so that the reader has a reason to keep reading. Conflict can do that - draw a reader in and make them want to continue with the story because they just have to find out what happens.

My favorite short story author is Stacy Richter, if you want a frame of reference. She's not an erotica writer, but some of her tales fall into that category. What I like about her is the author's voice. Her stories are literally dripping with attitude. The use of words is stunning, yet simple and to the point. That, to me, is good writing.

 

[The_Fractal_King]

I liked it a lot but there is something of an information overload in the first five paragraphs or so of the first chapter. The use of numerals instead of writing out words is also rather distracting. Your spelling and grammar seem fine to me.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Find an editor. Stop what you are doing and write a few shorter pieces to begin with - you ain't ready for the great American Novel yet. And don't rush it. Stories cook in your head sometimes for years, then are born in a rush but only when they are ready. Rusing it is the leading source of "writer's block" in my opinion.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hi classymissm and congrats on a really good story.

As you ask, I won't make any comments on grammar except to agree with the complaint about numbers. Reading fiction you need to have numbers written out, 'twenty-years-old', 'a little over six foot', 'the alarm went off at five o'clock (or 'in the morning' even 'before it was light'). Seriously, only use figures for an 'in-your-face' dramatic effect.

My take, and feel free to ignore, is that you have not been disciplining yourself enough. I go with DeeZire's comment that you take too long setting your stall out before anything happens. The trick at the start is to have a sudden plunge into unexplained action that makes the reader want to know WTF this is all about. You should dripfeed the background after they are clicking forward rather than a tidal wave on the first page.

You are a tad light on character and emotion. Despite having a good plot, you don't take real time to develop the emotions of the main characters. You could use the dialogue more to explore/explain the emotional conflicts. In any novel, this is the key to the reader's heart. We need to care about the protags.

I can see why you think you've written yourself into a backwater, although you haven't. Go back and re-read and you'll see you have a time warp once the king appears. To my mind this is silly. Cut back to the Braden era , the conflict between Earth, Fire. Air and Water (within modern science) and take it from there.

As Danniellekitten said about part 1, this is a great plotline. Why change the category? Non-human will attract the readers you want more than 'novels'.

A very personal comment, I'm sure others would disagreee, but I don't like the very short posts. Even with the chapters you are working on, a beginning, middle and end is more enjoyable for the reader - say about 5-6k words, or two lit pages.

Summing up, I think you write well, I love your plot, but I just think you could do abit better if you structured your stories a bit better. The king makes no sense, honest.

 

[classymissm]

I really appreciate all the honest feedback from the people who have responded to this. You were all really constructive in your concerns. I will definitely think about all of it. I think I was too eager to post and needed to wait and edit it more. Anyway, Thanks!