New and seeking some feedback/constructive shredding

[LadyDarkFire]

I am pretty new to Literotica as someone who posts, or writes stories (as a reader, I have known about it for about a year) and I was hoping that some of the people on this board would not write me off as a desperate newbie (although, right now I am sounding like one) and would maybe give me some constructive comments. Please, if you have some spare time, and you would not mind, would you look at my story? "Naughty Moon Out Tonight" in the NonHuman section. Please, feel free to Rip it, Burn it, and tell me to shove off, but I would really appriciate any comments. Thank you.

 

[LadyDarkFire]

OOPS! Forgot the URL

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=16584

Terribly sorry about that

 

[Barbara]

Extremely good writing. Potential+

Every time I see a plea such as your's, LadyDarkFire, I think about an old, recently retired, N.Z. lady with aspirations to change the world for the better. She sat at her recently bought computer, wondering how to do this. A light bulb burned more brightly and she had an idea.
"I know!" She gasped. "I'll write a book, sharing my life experiences with the world,---But will anybody read it?"

Are you starting to get the picture young lady? Now the first thing is never to doubt your abilities. You have a talent. I read your first story and I believe you are potentially very good indeed.
How you use that talent is really up to you, my dear. I could waffle on and write a book but in your work I sense intelligence and commitment to your craft. I could give you a lot of advice and bore you stupid but I won't. I'll merely give you a few hints about how to get more confidence in yourself, an essential element for your long road ahead.
A. Learn to trust a fellow writer and don't be afraid to seek advice IF you respect their work. All writers survive on their massive egos. They will be pleased to give that advice freely in most cases.
B. Find someone by checking both their Bio and their work on this site. Some, like you, choose not to give out their Email address to all and sundry. You can still contact them through the BB in the way you have already done.
C. Don't be afraid to ask!

Your story may not appeal to everyone and certainly my work may not appeal to you, in terms of subject matter. Writers have differing views of what may appeal to their intended audience or readership. Invariably though, if you see that another writer has a talent, their advice may still have value to you.

I invite you to read, both my bio and check out one of the sixty odd stories that I have written in the last year. You can tell a lot about a person in their literary offerings and this may help you to find a writing "Buddy" to build your confidence and assist your aims and ambitions. I , for example would be honoured to help if I can. By the way, I read yours before I took the time to give you this advice. The rest is up to you my dear.

The story that I suggest you read first is; Erotic Adventures Ch. 5 It was on site on the fourth of August 2001 under my writing name 'Barbara' If you decide to make contact, my E mail address is: revdickt@hotmail.com and I live in New Zealand.
I am not a Literotica Guru. Far from it. A humble Virgin like yourself, but with one important difference. I have a wealth of life experience and business success behind me.
I won't make it easy to find my work by putting the URL, I think they call it, in my reply. Firstly because the next step is entirely up to you and secondly because I don't know how to do it anyway.
All the best to you, whatever you decide, remember I have been there recently myself. In literary terms anyway.

Barbara Anne Adams. N.Z G.S.K.


"EVERY BENEFIT TO MANKIND HAD IT'S ORIGIN IN SOMEBODY'S FANTASY WORLD AR SOME POINT IN TIME." Quote by Barbara Anne Adams 2001

 

[Nudemodel]

Extremely well written story. Almost too nice, though. Almost like it might be for a mainstream fantasy mag. Anyway, an enjoyable read. Nudemodel

 

[LadyDarkFire]

Thank you so much for the feedback, and Barbra, I will definately check out your stories, and probably will end up emailing you. I am LadyofDarkFlame@hotmail.com and why it is not revealed on my profile was I just decided to poke around first. Nudemodle, thank you, I will work with the second story (in progress) with that in mind.

 

[Moridin187]

Very excellent story LadyDarkFire, I can't wait to see the sequel.. well.. the rest of the sequel anyways ;-)

 

[Sonia_de_Beaumanoir]

nice story

I enjoyed this one. My only critique from a first quick read was your use of the past tense in describing Aramis. I assume if he was handsome that he still is.

I hope to read the sequel if there is one.