New and interested in learning more

saphiresparkle

Experienced
Joined
Feb 6, 2014
Posts
69
I posted here yeaterday but I only got PMs from men propositioning me to be their little. While something could come from those sorts of messages, but not right now.

Until this guy and I started talking about it, the D/S lifestyle was just a fantasy. I hadn't done much reading, exploring, etc. I am a grad student and a researcher at heart. I would really like to find some sort of... guide for new subs, I guess?

Do such things exist?
 
There are plenty of books and such on the subject of BDSM from a non-erotica and / or non-fiction standpoint. It kind of depends on how research-y you are, as to how helpful they'd be.

BDSM Library Book Thread

Another option is to ask questions on forums (here or at fetlife.com). You've already experienced the typical result of "outing" yourself on a BDSM forum - lots and lots and lots of HNGs (Horny Net Geeks) sending PMs, wanting free cybersex. Whee! If that's a good way for you to explore, rock on. If not, you might consider turning off PMs for a bit.

A third (of many) options, is to simply do a little self-reflection.

What does D/s look like to you?
How would you incorporate it into a relationship (if you wanted to), or do you even need a relationship to engage in D/s?
Is it about sex for you? Service? Both?
How do you feel about punishment? (plenty of people do D/s without any punishment dynamic)
Are you curious about sadism and/or masochism? (not all D/s relationships involve S/M)
Have you considered it from a Top/bottom perspective, instead of dealing with all the weight (and occasional drama) that D/s sometimes brings?
Bedroom only, or not?
Monogamous, or non-monogamous?

There's lots of stuff to consider and think about, because just like any other relationship (even if it's just kinky fuck buddies), no two D/s relationships are the same. You get to build your own dynamic.
 
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=304819

That links to past discussions on subs. That link is from the sticky at the top of the forum under BDSM Library. Lots of info in there ;)

There are also books, I'm sure someone will come along and list them.

My suggestion, look at your options and figure out what you want and what you don't want. Remember, these suggestions, sites, books and forums are full of ideas and none of them are absolutes. Everyone has different tastes. Think of most advice as a guideline there to help you find your way.

Good luck and have fun.
 
Thank you both for your kind answers. It is a relief because when my first attempt at posting in this area was met with so many propositions I was a little turned off and afraid that this lifestyle is going to remain a mystery for me. Yes, I enjoy the thought of having a Dom that will introduce me to this whole world, but I don't want to pick him from a list of guys who PM'd me. It's funny. I haven't been on LitForums much since early 2009 and things have really changed on here! People used to pretty much only PM you if you had some sort of convo on your thread about it first. Now even withthought responding or soliciting PMs I have to clean out my inbox constantly!

Anyway, I took a brief look at the links given and also found a BDSM wiki that has some info. I'm sure all of these would be great. But really what I am looking for is a "Sub Guide for Dummies" type of read. I found some blogs detailing a woman's first step into this world but it was more porn than info and I am wanting to just learn as much as I can as quickly as I can. Are there any sort of resources like that available?

In the meantime I will explore what's been shared so far. I haven't learned much ffrom the BDSM forums here, yet, but I think I just need a better understanding of what I'm reading and the time to comb through lots of stuff.

This will be an exciting journey. Thank you for helping me get started!
 
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