Never Cum!

[tonytone]

Hey peeps,

Started seein this girl recently and are gettin on great. One small problem though: We've sex twice and although she wimpers, grits her teeth and does all the moans , it turns out that she has never had an orgasm. now I'm 26 and she's 18 so I'd like to think I could solve the problem, but testosterone aside I'm clueless . I do remember seeing a thread on here once about finding a womans "g spot" whilst she's on all fours and givin it a good wiggle with your thumb etc but can't find it to save my life.

Er obvious summary.........Help, advice pleeeeeeeeeeeese

Humble (randy) Grasshopper

 

[NotForSale]

ok ok ok, just for the time being forget about the g-spot and concentrate on the girls clit *slaps forehead* I thought guys knew about these things. For now also forget about making her cum during sex and concentrate on foreplay using fingers and your tongue - once you've got the foreplay orgasm sorted then you can figure out how to make her cum during sex. You'll get there just talk about it to her....ask her to demonstrate what makes her cum when she is alone.

xx

 

[M's girl]

I agree with NotForSale.

If you want more info on the G-spot and such this thread should provide you with lots of information!

 

[tonytone]

Thanks for the reply guys.

I've been giving her a thorough tongue sesh before the full monty and got pretty close me thinks. She was very nervous telling me that she'd never cum. i never pressed the matter but ishe may have meantnever ever full stop, so it could be a learning curve for both of us........which isn't a bad thing. I'll bear in mind what ya said Notforsale.

M's girl. Thats the exact thread I wuz lookin for so cheers(rasies pint).

ta peeps.

 

[M's girl]

Thanks for the reply guys.

M's girl. Thats the exact thread I wuz lookin for so cheers(rasies pint).

No thanks.

Also keep in mind that, contrary to what might seem the case when you read a lot of Lit, there are many women who cannot cum from PIV sex and some more who have a really hard time to orgasm in any way.

She's (only) 18 right? Young enough to have plenty of time to find out what her triggers are. I think it's important she starts to explore that by herself first, getting to know her own body before she can tell you, or anyone, what does it for her!

 

[SweetErika]

Does she masturbate? If not, that'd be one of the first steps. Toys, like vibrators, and fantasizing/reading erotica often help women orgasm. Point her to the resources, and encourage her to explore herself in a no-pressure environment. Then, she can show you what works for her.

Secondly, stop looking at this as a problem! A large component of an orgasm is mental, and seeing it as a problem adds pressure to the situation. She may worry there's something wrong with her, that you're not happy with her, she'll never get there, etc., so it's vital for you to reassure her with time, exploration, techniques, and NO pressure, she will get there and there's absolutely no rush or pressure.

If you haven't figured it out already, a woman's orgasm is NOT necessarily a reflection of your skill; her pleasure and your efforts are. Also, there's no magic solution like g-spot stimulation or oral sex, so don't think that way. Most of the faked orgasms are due to our partners taking the wrong attitude, pressuring (even unintentionally), and tying it to their ego.

She's young, and many, many women don't orgasm until later in life due to lack of information/knowledge, masturbation, poor attitudes about sex, and selfish lovers. It sounds like she simply needs a bit of guidance, exploration and time to get there.

 

[tonytone]

*Drinks M's gril's pint for her. lol

Cheers sweet.

I'm a problem solving guy, see's somthing and tries to fix it so I'm glad you've made me concious of that because I suspect that I would have continued to put (unitentional) pressure on her without realising that my good intentions are more harmful that good.

 

[M's girl]

*Drinks M's gril's pint for her. lol

Cheers sweet.

I'm a problem solving guy, see's somthing and tries to fix it so I'm glad you've made me concious of that because I suspect that I would have continued to put (unitentional) pressure on her without realising that my good intentions are more harmful that good.

Sorry.... wasn't aware there was one on the table for me. So, hey, thanks! And cheers!

 

[tonytone]

*buys her another* Hink he he

 

[SweetErika]

*Drinks M's gril's pint for her. lol

Cheers sweet.

I'm a problem solving guy, see's somthing and tries to fix it so I'm glad you've made me concious of that because I suspect that I would have continued to put (unitentional) pressure on her without realising that my good intentions are more harmful that good.

A lot of people are like that (my husband and I included), and it's tough to break out of the mindset that it is a big problem.

I have trouble if I think there's a time limit, I feel rushed or pressured, hell, even if my nose itches or I'm thirsty or it's too pleasureable for too long! We used to see it as a problem that needed to be fixed, but that just made things worse, so we started believing it's just the way I am. We still eliminate as many distractions as possible and reinforce there's no pressure, but we mostly focus on making the most of how I work. 90% of the time that's all that's needed, but it's perfectly fine if I don't orgasm -- the journey's the real reward, we've got the rest of our lives to try, and masturbation is wonderful, too.

 

[M's girl]

If you haven't figured it out already, a woman's orgasm is NOT necessarily a reflection of your skill; her pleasure and your efforts are. Also, there's no magic solution like g-spot stimulation or oral sex, so don't think that way. Most of the faked orgasms are due to our partners taking the wrong attitude, pressuring (even unintentionally), and tying it to their ego.

Sticky time!

 

[M's girl]

*buys her another* Hink he he

Cheers!

 

[KimmyKim]

A friend of mine told me she'd never cum either. She loves sex and masturbates often, but has never had an orgasm. She says she doesn't get the chance...like the intensity of her sexual activity just builds and builds and builds until she can't take it anymore and has to stop, but at no point does she actually climax. Ever heard of this?

 

[M's girl]

A friend of mine told me she'd never cum either. She loves sex and masturbates often, but has never had an orgasm. She says she doesn't get the chance...like the intensity of her sexual activity just builds and builds and builds until she can't take it anymore and has to stop, but at no point does she actually climax. Ever heard of this?

Sure, all the time. If you take a look around here you will see that lots of women deal with this. Oversensitivity is the main reason why many women do not climax. There is, literally, a way around this but it takes practice and a thoughtful and patient partner.

 

[Jailhouse]

You should keep in mind that SHE plays a pretty big part in whether or not she cums. It's her body, her head, her clit, etc... and some women can't get themselves to that point (usually because their mind is stuck in some way that won't let them). This is not to suggest that you shouldn't be putting a good amount of work into it, but if you find that all the "insert finger here, rub for 20 seconds, rotate, lather, rinse, repeat..." do-it-yourself instructions don't do the trick, you might try making her feel beautiful, desirable, like she can trust you, and like she's safe. Those things play as big a part as whether or not you're hitting the clit in just the right way.

 

[M's girl]

It's true.... the mind(set) can be a disturbing factor. Moreso with women than with men. Also remember that a lot of women are brought up with the idea that they are not supposed to enjoy sex or that they are sluts when they do. It's getting somewhat better and of course I am somewhat older (ahum) but most girls/women are thought (still) to be all nice and cute and modest and so. Liking sex does not really fit in that list. That can play a role as well.

I happen to have had the luck that I found out about orgasms and how to have them at a young age, by myself. But my upbringing witheld me from talking about sex (and telling men what I liked) for the longest time. That was not what nice girls did! Then I also had a few boyfriends who did not care enough about my (sexual) pleasure to ask (I would have answered) so that did not help either. Others were just plain ignorant and made it very clear that, if I should have a problem reaching orgasm, it could never be their fault. That kept me shut up for a while too.

And made me a perfect faker (orgasms) for a loooooong time. Boy, am I good at that! It's sad actually...

 

[Jo_Huntz]

My advice would be to try mixing things up. For example, if you're going down on her, slip a finger in or a dildo. Get a butt plug and stimulate everything at once. I didn't have my first orgasm until I was 23, it turned out that I need to have my clit stimulated [e.g. vibrator] and my g-spot/cervix stimulated [e.g. dildo] at the same time. With those in place I can cum in under a minute, if I only have one or the other I don't cum... I'm only 25 though, maybe after more practice I'll figure out how to do it with only one.

And Erika is absolutely right; she should try masturbation and see what works for her.