Nerds and sex...

[trntnmt]

Well... if some of you have read my earlier posts, you know I've had it up to here, in some respects. Let's get all your thoughts on it...

Now... I suppose I'm an expert in this regard. From a young age I really had to hear about how I didn't measure up to everyone's expectations of they wanted me be. Up until about my junior year of high school, I got tormented quite a great deal by my fellow classmates because I wasn't good-looking enough, I wasn't athletic enough, and I was way too smart for my own good (and by smart, I don't necessarily mean academically perfect, but intellectually so). It was extremely tough to have intelligent conversations with people regarding anything in terms of literature, history, philosophy, or the construction of our society simply because those people did not exist in high school.

Middle school was really rough. I got bullied on constantly by jocks and the such (socially acceptable bullies).

Lamentably, I'm in my senior year of college and little has changed. Outside of people in my major (history) and the people at the lit mag I work with, I don't get made fun of, but I regularly get laughed at by many people outside of class because I use "big words", and because I have governing philosophies on life (not etched in stone, mind you, but simply ideas on the way the world works). It's a fairly prestigious school, and still I have to deal with the jock/valley girl mentality that poisons much of high school.

So what does this have to do with sex? Very simple... it is something often denied to us. I'm fairly good looking nowadays, I dress nice, I've never been shy to express my opinions about anything. Instead of this honesty and intelligence helping me, however, it often serves to scare off any potential women I've ever been interested in. Hey, we all love sex, but what's wrong with a little conversation while we're at it?

And I know I'm not the only on in this bind...

(Ironically, I have had a few sexual encounters, and they've all been in Europe, where being cultured isn't a crime).

This thread probably carries over from the intellectual fetishes one, but it's something I feel it's something all us geeks should discuss anyway. So, fellow geeks, let's all talk with each other, get to know each other, and not give a damn what the normals think of us. We can have our sex, and like it too!

And I know you're out there!

 

[Lanagirl]

The people that are intimidated by intellect and -- gasp! -- a healthy vocabulary are, most likely, not able to connect with you in a manner you seek. Not because they aren't intelligent enough, but merely because the don't share the same interests or needs.

I spent a lot of high school dating jocks and inwardly groaning while at dinner. I remember a particularly painful date: we got back to my parents' house, and I flipped on the television. The Robert Redford version of <i>The Great Gatsby</i> was on. My date expressed interest in Gatsby, which nearly won me back over.

Then he said, "Yeah -- I love movies like this -- they're so boring -- great to make out to."

What?!??

My male friends tell me I am intimidating. Wonderful.

I have had a hard time deciding which way to go about this. Do I throw myself into the dating world of Middle America -- Oh They Who Live On the Bandwagon -- or do I just be myself?

No. I've determined that the person who can accept me -- and who can challenge me and INSPIRE me! -- will be the person I can admire. And ultimately, the person I am meant to explore the world with. It may take a while to get there. But maybe my search will be worth more.

And about sex ...

If you're coming at sex the same way I am ... then sex without this connection is just... mechanical.

 

[Xelebes]

Ah yes, the life of a nerd. So hard to meet one of the opposite gender that share the same faults or tendencies or passions.

I too hated junior high school and elementary, often facing torment. In high school I managed to go out on one date and was with a fellow geek. We both shared aan interest in physics however my field was different than hers. She was into nuclear while I was into electro-acoustics. This was not enough, and I came to realise that we were not meant to be together. Nothing much else has come across my way.

There is a thread devoted for this, for proper worship, which I like to think I have taken over... but you may disgree.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=111209

 

[trntnmt]

No. I've determined that the person who can accept me -- and who can challenge me and INSPIRE me! -- will be the person I can admire. And ultimately, the person I am meant to explore the world with. It may take a while to get there. But maybe my search will be worth more.

And about sex ...

If you're coming at sex the same way I am ... then sex without this connection is just... mechanical.

Yeah... definitely, I completely agree... I've been interested before in people I had nothing in common with... and really, when you don't like the person for anything other than physical reasons, what's the point?

Sex can exist well on its own, but a relationship based strictly on it will pose these kinds of dilemmas. Then again, I often find that even sex is somewhat elusive to me, it seems. I usually have no interest in sleeping with those types of people anyway if they're just going to disrespect me...

And all of the pain and the struggle of being a "geek" IS worth it just to be able to be yourself. That's a hell of a gift.

 

[Lanagirl]

Sex can exist well on its own, but a relationship based strictly on it will pose these kinds of dilemmas. Then again, I often find that even sex is somewhat elusive to me, it seems. I usually have no interest in sleeping with those types of people anyway if they're just going to disrespect me...

And all of the pain and the struggle of being a "geek" IS worth it just to be able to be yourself. That's a hell of a gift.

And a grand gift it is.

If someone is having sex with you without that connection, then they're not having sex with YOU. That's how I feel, anyway. That they really don't understand the essence of who you are. So ... what makes you different from the madding crowd? If they don't understand you, not much.

That's not just disrespect -- it's unappreciation!

And god, isn't that what we want? To be appreciated? For just being yourself?

 

[capricious_chic]

So what is it exactly that you are looking for?

This would probably do well on one of the more chatty message boards. Most of the people here are looking to hook up, and not necessarily discuss things beyond that.

Well... if some of you have read my earlier posts, you know I've had it up to here, in some respects. Let's get all your thoughts on it...

I haven't read any of your earlier posts. You only have a wee handful according to your post count. What have you had it up to here with?

Now... I suppose I'm an expert in this regard. From a young age I really had to hear about how I didn't measure up to everyone's expectations of they wanted me be.

Parents, teachers, peers? Who exactly are you referring to? I can pretty much guaruntee that we are all experts at failing to meet the expectations of someone in our life. It is, however, your life so the only expectations you must meet are your own.

Up until about my junior year of high school, I got tormented quite a great deal by my fellow classmates because I wasn't good-looking enough, I wasn't athletic enough, and I was way too smart for my own good (and by smart, I don't necessarily mean academically perfect, but intellectually so).

I feel the need to clue you in on an obviously little known aspect of life - everyone feels this way. Everyone was picked on for one reason or another.

It was extremely tough to have intelligent conversations with people regarding anything in terms of literature, history, philosophy, or the construction of our society simply because those people did not exist in high school.

You will find this all throughout life and in many different group environments. Those kind of groups of people simply don't exist, period. You will find the odd individual to have an intellectual discourse with, but finding such in a group setting is very rare.

Middle school was really rough. I got bullied on constantly by jocks and the such (socially acceptable bullies).

As did everyone else. Even the "jocks" and the "socially acceptable bullies" had a rough time of it in middle school. Go to one of your school reunions (not the 5 or 10 year, but the later ones) and it will become glaringly apparant that things were rarely what they seemed to those outside looking in. On the whole, we all feel like we are outside looking in and it takes an enlightened and confident person to realize this.

but I regularly get laughed at by many people outside of class because I use "big words"

This is a social challenge to all those that are very verbose. The trick is to learn how to incorporate your understanding of words to those around you. Always make others strive to be at your level, without dumbing down your conversation. People laugh when they are uncomfortable - could it be simply that they do not understand a particular word you have used in the conversation and it is their way of deflecting attention away from their own ignorance.

It's a fairly prestigious school, and still I have to deal with the jock/valley girl mentality that poisons much of high school.

The more I read of your post, the sadder I become. Do you really intend to let others govern how you feel about life and the people around you? This "mentality" will be present in every atmosphere you are in. You have given the people around you way too much power over the way you think and choose to see the world around you. You label yourself a geek, and seem to want to use it as a crutch or a way to separate yourself from those that you find inferior. People are stupid and dangerous at times, but to think you are above them in some way because you allow yourself to wallow in some percieved form of victimization, and continue to allow people to victimize you over and over again by giving them the power to do so is equally stupid and dangerous. I apologize if I am way off base, but your post seems so very bitter.

So what does this have to do with sex? Very simple... it is something often denied to us. I'm fairly good looking nowadays, I dress nice, I've never been shy to express my opinions about anything. Instead of this honesty and intelligence helping me, however, it often serves to scare off any potential women I've ever been interested in. Hey, we all love sex, but what's wrong with a little conversation while we're at it?

Denied you by whom? All of the honesty and intelligence in the world will get you very little, if you are inept socially. Trust me when I say that honesty and intelligence are very high on the list of attributes that women look for. Being able to converse well with someone that we are in a relationship with is a huge bonus. Being able to really communicate with a partner is a beautiful experience, that has nothing whatsoever to do with the ability to have an intellectual debate - the ability to really communicate isn't about who is right or wrong, or which person has the better theory of the way things should be - it is about being able to share and become intimate.

And I know I'm not the only on in this bind...
(Ironically, I have had a few sexual encounters, and they've all been in Europe, where being cultured isn't a crime).

No, you are not the only one out there. So what exactly did these women do for you? Whip you into an intellectual frenzy that could only be saited with sexual release?

So, fellow geeks, let's all talk with each other, get to know each other, and not give a damn what the normals think of us. We can have our sex, and like it too!

Again, you purposely separate yourself from your own perceived idea of "normal". What is normal anyway? I dare you to define it and for your definition to be able to hold true with the general concensus of the people around you.

Again, what are you looking for in regards to the sex that you like so much? The ability to have random sex meetings? The desire to have a fuck buddy that you can have an intellectual conversation with? A steady relationship built on the same intellectual ideas and interests? Girls to fall at your feet and worship you? Inquiring minds!?!

Hi! My name is CC and I am a fellow geek (at times), and a fairly long-winded one.

 

[lepetitmort]

Capricious_chic I suppose you have some valid points but you ruin it all by generalizing as sweepingly (if not more) than trntnmt himself. Not to pity trntnmt or anything, but I don’t know if you were ever in his position. I was, and I can understand his situation. Now, I won’t apply that to sex, because I don’t feel deprived of it so lamentably as trntnmt appears to be, hehe. However, it’s true that too many women I’ve met feel alienated or distant if you have some kind of engaging intellectual conversation in more than the most cursory detail. I don’t believe women owe geeks any favors, but it’s not fair to say that everyone goes through the same experience as trntnmt. Don’t generalize that everyone gets picked on, or that it’s impossible to find like-minded people in a group-minded setting. Come on, you’ve given up already, CC, my fellow geek?
As for intimacy, I suppose some of us put too high a value on something that not everyone wants to do a certain way, or is capable of.
<<Being able to really communicate with a partner is a beautiful experience, that has nothing whatsoever to do with the ability to have an intellectual debate - the ability to really communicate isn't about who is right or wrong, or which person has the better theory of the way things should be - it is about being able to share and become intimate. >>
I don’t know if that’s quite fair. Maybe some individuals’ idea of intimacy involves the brain more than the heart. Who’s to fault them for looking for like-minded people using their interests? Maybe geeks don’t know how to be intimate in the way that society usually perceives intimacy. Maybe they reject the conventional idea of social ineptitude and believe that their idea of communication is the way to go. That might not win them any quarter from CC and co. heheh, but it shouldn’t prevent someone from enjoying a productive relationship. Be a little more patient and yes, a little less bitter, is all I’m saying trntnmt.
Yeah, I’m interested in the European experience too trnt…care to share? Hehe
Capricious is right when she says that trntnmt appears to have let others have a little too much control over his choices, and portraying oneself as the victim (and thus somehow superior) isn’t gonna get you anywhere. I know, I had that point-of-view early in high school, but I got over it once I realized that you don’t gain any respect that way (let alone sex )

 

[latefrost]

being intelligent is one thing. being an elitist snob is another. if you only want to hang out with people who can keep up with your opera critiques and hold chess discourse in latin then you *deserve* not to get laid. i've met too many 'intellectuals' who like their big words and fundamentally consider themselves *better* than the people around them who haven't had the drive or the leisure time to memorize the play-by-play of the napoleonic war. they aren't actually any smarter, they just have more book knowledge. nine times out of ten they don't know how to change their tires.

it's pretty simple: even people who didn't get a 36 on their ACTs have minds and interests. those folks are just as good a company as anything else. the reason they don't like nerds reflects the fact that nerds like you consider themselves somehow 'above' everyone else. you're smart, so you're better.

i think you'll find the world doesn't work that way. intelligence is good, but wisdom is better. vocabulary is great, but communication is trump. my manager knows that i have a mind which focuses like a laser, and he's happy, but what gets me the raise every year is that i can relate to and talk to the people who don't necessarily understand software engineering, without making them feel like they don't understand software engineering.

incidentally, that's also why i've never had any trouble getting laid and having a *good time* at it. you can talk about connections, but a connection is there with just about anyone if you want it. people with interesting lives are better than those with interesting hobbies. and they're fun to talk to, even if they can't articulate it quite so exquisitely as you'd like.

hell, i'm not even attractive. i'm short, and too chubby, and have merely an average-sized cock. the trick is, i can have a conversation with anyone, about anything. people feel comfortable around me because i'm not a jackass who belittles them.

relationship necessitates relating to someone. everybody wants it to be easy, but it isn't.

quit whining. if everybody was a genius like you two seem to think you are, you wouldn't be able to masturbate in front of the mirror thinking about how much better you are than your neighbor sipping his miller high life and watching cops.

if you don't enjoy talking to the little people that's fine .. just don't expect any sympathy from them about your inability to get your rocks off.

 

[tinspoons]

Well I have to first off say this is an interesting thread based on the numerous, detailed responses. I'd like to say that I believe I understand trntmnt or whatever his name is and would like to say that you sound very much like the younger me when I was in kollige.

I would say to ignore the people who are chastising you for whatever reasons because they obviously don't 'get' your situation. I won't bother to quote those people, but clearly people either seem to think you feel sorry for yourself or think your experience is the same as everyone's (this is SOOOO not true) or that all you have to do is treat others as playthings.

Be yourself and it will come to you. That's possibly cold comfort for someone who is wanting to feel intimacy now, but it will: if not now, later in life.

I will say this though, I have been searching for a smart female, and I dont' mean a validictorian (and btw, has anyone found most female validictorians to be stupid?), and unfortunately, they must be in very, very short supply because I've yet to find the right person. You can ask for a great number of things and get them from women, but really smart women are about as rare as a dodo egg.

 

[Xelebes]

The obvious thing to do is to be yourself, live your life and hopefully it gets you across some one of the opposite gender. Biggest tip is to not rely on your biggest hobby, which is also known as your job, your carreer. Relationships at the jobsite = bad. Second favourite hobby is probably best. There's not many girls who are into software programming but there's a lot more girls when it comes to fantasy books, or music or something. Lead a life outside your job and you'll come across women who'll be at your level.

This is my hypothesis... I haven't yet tested it... but trying to implement it.

 

[bicuriousnky]

ahhhh....an intellectual thread

in the end, i believe the sense of self carries over to the way we are perceived by others as well as our perception of how others perceive us.

i've always been called "ms. encyclopedia" or "ms. dictionary" because i use the "big words." in undergrad, in particular, i didn't drink, do drugs, i wasn't constantly changing boyfriends and condoms. although jr. high sucked, i have always been very confident.

so with the "ms. encyclopedia" and "ms. dictionary," in conjunction, i have always been told that i am the coolest nerd people have seen. since high school, i've always been told that my "nerdness" coupled with my "coolness" spiced with my "self assurity" makes me extremely "sexy."

do i care either way? honestly, i don't give a damn period. what matters most is who i decide i want to deal with versus who i decide i'd rather not be bothered with.

i don't look down on people per se. however, i have very high standards for myself as well as those i choose to associate with.

for the most part, i haven't experienced much rejection at all, if any. i believe that is due to my perception of the world around me perhaps. you know, glass being half empty as compared to glass being half full.

my glass is always at least half full...full of whatever i choose for it to be.

 

[ntp]

.....

 

[bicuriousnky]

i'm amused by the "women vs. geeks" slant, as if there aren't plenty of female geeks.

for that matter, they're an entire (cheesy) porn genre. *giggle*

lol

 

[jrs259]

Be You, Love You

Take it from an older man who has been fortunate enough to be allowed to do many things. Although I was not known as a "Nerd" in school, I was ridiculed for my size, which was very large at that time.
Over the years I have learned to take pride in my own accomplishments and not worry about what other people think. I have been on the guard detail when 4 US Presidents came to town. I have made speeches all over the US, I have accomplished several firsts.
Now, those people who called me a lot of degrading names seem to think I am someone special. It all came from my being able to "Consider the Source" and go on with my life. Sure it makes you feel bad when someone degrades you but most likely, they are insecure in themselves and trying to shift attention from them to you.
So to put it as politely as I think I can, be proud of yourself, reach for the stars, and "To Hell with those inconsiderate Assholes."

 

[bill-pix-trade]

not in the same boat

glad to hear some one say it.

I was a jock, but not a typical one. by the time i reached my soph. year oh high school i was sick of the whole crowd. I realized most of my so called friends would only be friends if i could produce on the football field. LOL what a fucking joke. I took a stand to eleminate people in my life that were phony and mean. this left about two or three of my original friends, and none of them girls. LOL. To be quite honest, non of the other people or groups liked me much either, because to them i was I was a jock, and would always be one. I was not untill i went to col. and met new people that things changed. People did not care about my past or what group i was from. All they cared about was who i was now, and how i acted around them. My advice, as if it matters, is accept people for who they are and how they act, and fuck them if they dont like you.

There will alway be good sex out there, from any group.

 

[bill-pix-trade]

i have been with a geeky girl we went out for about a month. she was fun and very sexy, not a model, but sexy. she new everything about sex,a nd was good at most of it. lol lol

As far as intelectural woman. the smarter the better. the more they knew more they can tought me. lol

 

[bicuriousnky]

its about you baby

if you feel good about yourself, that postive energy reaches out.

sexy is a combination of alot of things.

i'm really greedy, i want it all....good looks, muchas neurons, and an awesome personality.

 

[capricious_chic]

lepetitmort -

I truly don't believe that I am over-generalizing. I honestly believe that there is not one person out there that can say, "my school years were a breeze, I never got picked on, I never felt alienated, etc.". While it is true that no one person was ever in trntnmt's specific situation, I do believe it to be true that most, if not all, people can relate to it. Was I ever in his exact position, no. Did I have trouble fitting in, yes. Fortunately enough for me, even at a young age, I believed the world revolved around me and so it did. My world that is. Because I believed that strongly enough, it was true for me. I simply never cared when people made fun of my appearance, my intellect, my background, or the many other various reasons that one could find enough fault to poke fun. The only time I would take umbrage was when someone would not be factual in their disparagement of me - although even then I could find amusement in it and know that if those around me believed these things then they simply didn't know me, therefore I had no need to get to know them.

Don’t generalize that everyone gets picked on, or that it’s impossible to find like-minded people in a group-minded setting. Come on, you’ve given up already, CC, my fellow geek?

I do believe that to be true. Everyone does get picked on for one reason or another, even if it is only the perception of being so.
I haven't given up, I just understand people in general. It isn't impossible, just improbable.

On the intimacy note, nothing in life is fair. No group of people will share the same idea of what is truly intimate. The idea or trick of it all is to find the people who share your idea of what intimacy is.

That might not win them any quarter from CC and co.
Out of curiousity, which group have you placed me in?

 

[capricious_chic]

<Snip>
I would say to ignore the people who are chastising you for whatever reasons because they obviously don't 'get' your situation. I won't bother to quote those people, but clearly people either seem to think you feel sorry for yourself or think your experience is the same as everyone's (this is SOOOO not true) or that all you have to do is treat others as playthings.

<Snip>

I will say this though, I have been searching for a smart female, and I dont' mean a validictorian (and btw, has anyone found most female validictorians to be stupid?), and unfortunately, they must be in very, very short supply because I've yet to find the right person. You can ask for a great number of things and get them from women, but really smart women are about as rare as a dodo egg.

If this is directed at me I can sincerely say that my post was not meant to be chastising, but questioning. That is what I do, question things.

I hope that you mean "the right person" for you. Smart females are not in short supply. Perhaps you need to look at the women you are attracted to, and discern the difference between what makes them attractive to you and what it is you think you want.

 

[Blavek]

There is a thread devoted for this, for proper worship, which I like to think I have taken over... but you may disgree.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=111209

Its true I helped him...


Now it is time for my perspective. At anygiven time I was in any one of your shoes. I feel that most woman aren't interested in the exact things I am interested in so What do I do about that? I be come interested in other things. I am a computer science major and in 3 years of school in my program I have seen 2 girls my age in that following. One of them I never talked to as she was not very bright and she didn't sit close to me and the other I still talk to. She happens to be a math major but that isn't the point. She is really really smart. She attributes it to be because she worrks hard whereas I am more impressed with her retention. Now what is the point i am trying to make... ohh yeah there are smart people all around and if they won't adjust there perspective to see what you see then you should adjust your to see what they see. I am sure that I wouldn't still be talking to this girl if I never expressed interest in things outside of my computer screen. Also my stepmother is pretty bright and my stepfather and I are quite geeky and go on for hours about math and science and softwaare and my stepmother hates it. But also I feel she doesn't try to understand it and just assumes its above her head which it isn't. If you can simplify things so that somebody who isn't familiar with them can understand them then you prove that you truly are intelligent.

As for jocks verse nerds... I think gilbert said it best in revenge of the nerds "all jocks ever think about is sports but all us nerds think about is sex." The point here is that everybody has a little nerd in them. I know plenty of jocks who think about sex but then they aren't pure jocks. I myself play Ice hockey I write software I read I play games and I do any number of other things. I know how to ride a horse allthouh I do not have one to ride regularly. I can make things out of word in a wood shop and I can do a number of other things away from my typical geek/nerd life style. Also I can change my tires... and my break pads and my starter and my radiator and so on. It is wholly unfair to make generalizations and categorizations.

My last comment is do to darwinism the dumb people will weed themselves out. Also, realize that the people making comments based on your intelligence are either uniformed insecure or close minded. Do not be afraid to let your vocabulary run wild and when somebody points out something about you that is unique or aboove average be glad and laugh about it. It is great to be special.

I thinkI said a lot I hope my thoughts are organized. I kind of throw them to my fingers as the enter my head.

 

[tinspoons]

If this is directed at me I can sincerely say that my post was not meant to be chastising, but questioning. That is what I do, question things.

I hope that you mean "the right person" for you. Smart females are not in short supply. Perhaps you need to look at the women you are attracted to, and discern the difference between what makes them attractive to you and what it is you think you want.

As for the reference, CC, I was referring to some of the things you said. Particularly that everyone gets picked on and whatnot. That IS true to some degree, but when trntmnt said that I knew EXACTLY what he meant. And playing devils advocate is one thing, but you come across as not understanding the meaning trntmnt is expressing.

And as for my attractions, and I hate to take away from trntmnts thread but perhaps it will help in some way... Although it is true that looking at the disparity between who I attract and what I'm looking for exists, as it does with everyone to varying degrees, I also stand by my statement that smart women ARE in short supply. Someone can be a genius in microbiology and not have a clue about pop culture or have common sense; well-rounded intelligent women that can keep up in a broad variety of topics are rare. Many women can be selectively smart, but very few can seem to talk about a vast number of things intelligently without a significant drop-off in major areas.

But this is digressing, I fear, from addressing trntmnts quandry...

 

[capricious_chic]

And playing devils advocate is one thing, but you come across as not understanding the meaning trntmnt is expressing.

I do understand what he is trying to express - but I also understand that much of what he has went through, and is continuing to go through is by his choice. People will only treat us the way we allow them to. Why do so many people give others the weight and responsibility of judging them, and then cry foul when they don't like it? In all honesty, why even care about societies perception of you? In the end the only person one needs to please is yourself and the only expectations one must live up to and surpass are their own.

well-rounded intelligent women that can keep up in a broad variety of topics are rare. Many women can be selectively smart, but very few can seem to talk about a vast number of things intelligently without a significant drop-off in major areas.

You make this a gender thing, when in all actuality it is people thing. The exact same statement can be made by women about men. I have met many brilliant men that could only hold a conversation about their field of specialty and very little else. On the whole, finding well-rounded intelligent people is not difficult - it is simply a matter of where you look. I live in a fairly small town, but there are several places where people like this will congregate. Granted, many of these people just like to think they are smart - but a handful can be seen through the crowd.

But this is digressing, I fear, from addressing trntmnts quandry...

As I understand, this is meant to be a conversation thread - that is what we are doing. He has yet to specify what it is he wants and/or is looking for.

 

[tinspoons]

And playing devils advocate is one thing, but you come across as not understanding the meaning trntmnt is expressing.

I do understand what he is trying to express - but I also understand that much of what he has went through, and is continuing to go through is by his choice. People will only treat us the way we allow them to. Why do so many people give others the weight and responsibility of judging them, and then cry foul when they don't like it? In all honesty, why even care about societies perception of you? In the end the only person one needs to please is yourself and the only expectations one must live up to and surpass are their own.

This is SOOO much easier said than done. You said you understand what he went through in earlier posts, but you contradict yourself by saying that although you were picked on, you never let it affect you because you were always the center of your universe. Most people do not have this kind of ability. If you were really picked on, you felt the pain of trying to be yourself, as trntmnt is trying to do and you are suggesting he do. But if by being yourself you get picked on, beaten up and humiliated, you will get sick of it very, very quickly and it is damaging. Trntmnt is stating he's pissed off of running into this wall as it concerns dating particularly.

You say you were blessed with the ability to do your own thing and not to care. That says to me that by your own qualification, you can't understand what he's going through or you never suffered enough slings and arrows to feel the pain he means.

And saying that how he chooses to deal with things affects his world may be true, but saying that he should just stop caring about how the world thinks is not something I think is possible for most people. Their brains are hardwired to personalities at very, very early ages: you yourself commented this was the same for you. Deciding to not care how the world thinks is as easy as chopping off your arm.

If you've ever seen the movie "Clerks", there's a nice speech by Dante near the end before his fight with Randall about this very thing. Dante represents the pleaser personality and Randall the fuck you personality and they literally fight for superiority.

My point is, although you're offering somewhat sage advice, I'm not sure you can empathize with him. Because of that, and being a woman, I'm not sure you can 'get' where he's coming from. And I'm not saying that your input isn't valuable; but you come across as walking a mile in his moccasins and you haven't sold me that you have.

 

[tinspoons]

You make this a gender thing, when in all actuality it is people thing. The exact same statement can be made by women about men. I have met many brilliant men that could only hold a conversation about their field of specialty and very little else. On the whole, finding well-rounded intelligent people is not difficult - it is simply a matter of where you look. I live in a fairly small town, but there are several places where people like this will congregate. Granted, many of these people just like to think they are smart - but a handful can be seen through the crowd.

But this is digressing, I fear, from addressing trntmnts quandry...

As I understand, this is meant to be a conversation thread - that is what we are doing. He has yet to specify what it is he wants and/or is looking for.

The only reason I made this a 'gender thing' is because trntmnt is a male talking about females. It's his thread and I was trying to write in a way that honored his question which was about Nerds and Sex. We shouldn't open the whole can of worms to include the faults of both sexes: hell, isn't that what the whole website is about? If sex and romance were as easy as buying milk, we'd be at the store right now... I am quite sure that there are many, stupid, neurotic, oblong (not well-rounded) men out there, but trntmnts concern was of women not accepting him for not being what society deems normal. That's the only reason its about women and I was trying to empathize.

And good for you if you have a nice community of smart people to talk to. Personally, although I don't perhaps look as hard as I should, I've yet to find someone who matches me. I'm not saying they don't exist, but experience counts for everything... I haven't met these people, trntmnt hasn't, others who commented on this thread haven't...

 

[trntnmt]

To respond to all of this...

Sorry I haven't been taking part... the phone at the house was having some troubles connecting...

I'm not a real snot as the geeks of the world go; I understand more or less that how we view the world is a product of who we are. I don't restrict looking around to my own so-called "class", but I do enjoy the company of people who have similar attitudes on life as I do.

I'm single. I'm looking around (I wouldn't have put this in a personals' section if it wasn't the case). But to respond to capricious_chic, I didn't start this thread to be sexist, and simply to complain about nerds are viewed by the general population. I'm not angry at women, nor am I really angry at those who ignore me (they're not evil, they simply misunderstand me). It's simply frustrating to be ignored by women when I act the way that I am naturally. It's a shame; I feel that I'd have a lot to offer a woman, emotionally and sexually, but I'm consistently thought of as being a joke by those around me. It's not like middle school, where I was often the (negative) subject of the conversation at lunch tables, if I wasn't getting food thrown at me by my fellow students; it is, however, still there, and I can see it in the way that people look at me whenever I begin to talk, or whenever I give a stray glance into someone's eyes.

And speaking of which, my history more or less affects my present. My youth of being tormented by my fellow students hurts me to this day (the teachers' ignorance of it was even worse, but I'll let that slip). It's extremely easy for capricious_chic to say that I should essentially ignore all of this and concentrate on simply being myself, and then I will be happy (my parents repeatedly told me the same thing when I was younger). Well, that's the hard road; it may be the road I want to take, and it's the road I'm taking (and it is), but it still doesn't make it any easier to take.

What you're essentially saying is that I should ignore all of this, but you and I both know that this is impossible (if you went through the same trouble I did, I don't know how you can possibly ignore it either). The whole point of, say, posting on a website like this is seeking human contact, intimacy, and above all else, acceptance. These are things that are, to that small percent of us that refuse to conform to the ideal of the typical middle American male, routinely denied to us in everyday life. You tell me that I'm acting out a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, by going through this exact same process by my own choice; but I can't simply be happy with myself: I and other human beings aren't meant to be simply by ourselves. Even the nerd, who rejects being common high school culture and mentality, needs that sort of connection, and simply being yourself, no matter how right it is, isn't necessarily going to help you get there.

I'm waffling on here, so I'll shut up soon, but thanks all of you who are posting to this thread. I have no intention to be something I'm not, so it is nice to chat with some of you others who more or less feel the same way. I frankly don't see what wrong with starting a thread for some of us who want to meet other like-minded people, and I hope none of you do too.

And capricious_chic, none of what I said is personal. You certainly have a right to your opinions, but I cannot simply ignore the world around me as you ask me to. Besides, that wouldn't satisfy my need for companionship any more. And despite what you seem to think, I'm not pathetic at all. I like myself just fine; my problem lies in the perception of other towards people who tend to be more literate (an earlier post sums up that sentiment completely), and it upsets me, as it frustrates my attempts at happiness, most notably (but not limited to) sex. And I don't think I'm at all unique in that regard. That's all.