Yeah I know it's overdone, I'm trying to do something that is different then the same old shit posted here about once a week. Mainly, I'm sick of the cliche found here, on TV, and in movies everywhere where the nerd is so pathetic beyond belief and his relationships seem to sprout from shear pity.
I don't know how well it is going to go though. There are a couple of points I would like to ask about
1. Is this any good at all. I'm worried it may not be. I would love to contribute to this site after being a reader for so long. But I have no interest in investing my time into or adding to this site another piece of crap.
2. I have a background in History, not humanities or English, and I feel like my analytical style won't work in this medium.
3. I started in first person without putting much thought to it. Should I continue this way or should I switch to third person.
4. Have I giving enough description. To set the scene.
5. I know I haven't even introduced the main squeeze yet, that will come next chapter. They will bond over tutoring (yeah I know, another cliche), I want her to develop an appreciation for who he is.
6. Finally I don't want to end the story with the the couple lying in bed naked, but with the main character either dumping or rejecting the girl in favor of Dungeons and Dragons with his true friends. Thus indicating that he is his own man.
How I am going to go about making the climax happen I'm not sure of yet...
A. I could make the girl something of a shallow bitch, until he finally says "enough is enough"
B1. I could have the girl lead the guy and the reader into thinking she has changed over the course of the story, only to find out that she hasn't
B2. I could have the girl lead the guy and the reader to believe she is different when in fact she isn't.
C. I could slowly turn the guy into an ass, and make he realize that he has become everything he hated, thus he dumps the girl and returns to the person he truly is.
D. I could have a more feel good story (no pun intended) where they are still together and he turns her down for D&D for a less serious reason (such as she is making him spend too much time with her)
Lastly, any suggestion, any ideas you would like to see implemented, any cliches you want avoided, (although I have already dampered in that a little) for my story would be greatly appreciated
Here is the prologue and the first chapter.
Author’s commentary, Yes this is a “nerd” story, but I’m going to try not to make it the same nerd story put out every week on this site. Also the smut won’t be until much later, I’m going to write a little first. None of the characters except “David Deangelo” are real nor are they inspired from any other character.
Prologue
It all started the summer before my senior year. No, that was not when I came across some girl I barely knew, or a desperate cougar neighbor who spread her legs for me on a whim. It wasn’t going to be so easy, fortunately. What I found was the dating advice from one David Deangelo, founder of the Double Your Dates system. It went against every fiber of my being, everything I thought I knew about life and women. And yet, I knew from my experience that David was right. The premise of Deangelo’s work was such, most women are attracted to men. Earth shattering concept I know. There may be some who bond physically with other women, and fewer still who might enjoy the dominance of bonding with a much younger member of the male population. But for the most part, despite all their bitching, women like men.
What is a man? From what I could gather a man is about all else, confidence. “Real men” do not need gifts and labor to win female affection. To do so, I realized was nothing more then a fancy bribe. “Real men’s lives” do not revolve around their women. Real men know that there is no fun, no satisfaction in chasing a mate that won’t put up a fight, just as a predator has been known not to case prey that does not run.
Such revelations came as a shock to my system, but to throw his work down and to walk away would be to betray my own value of education, so I continued on. Slowly, I became a convert to his way of thinking. But reading during the summer is one thing. The test will come once the first bell rings.
Chapter One
First day of classes, my new form slowly started to take form. I didn’t bring any physical reminders of my summer of training but I might as well of. The morning was uneventful, nothing seemed worth commenting on, other then why we study civics in 12th grade. During the afternoon gym class, I passed up a couple of possible comments during the team selections. And so it went for about two weeks, if education is defined as a change in behavior, I had learned nothing.
Then, thank my lucky stars, I got lucky. Two things that you need to know about my school, one football players rule and two freshmen get crapped on. Yeah I know, how unusual. One learns real quickly that you don’t walk too closely to the football players unless you want to know what it’s like to be tripped by Bugs Bunny. The freshman was in a rush, and the jocks where well aware. He dropped his books as he fell and they scattered across the hall. A roar of laughter erupted from his culprits. The culprit, as usual Jason Michaels. An idea came to me, now I just needed to get it out of my mouth.
“Seriously Jason,” I paused to collect my thoughts “The Looney Toons trip? Give me a break, would it kill you come up with something original?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m saying,” I sputtered “that I thought the trip was funny too, but then I went through puberty.” My voice trailed off as if to wonder what the fuck I was doing.
“Do you have any idea who I am, I ought to kick your ass right here?”
At that moment a funny feeling came over me, and quite suddenly, I threw my head back in laughter. “Oh for the love of…, a jock with an anger management issue. Did I just walk onto the set of some bad movie?” That’s when Jason came for my head. If I was a split second faster, his hand would have hit steel locker at full speed. I wasn’t, instead everything quickly because a red tinted haze.
I don't know how well it is going to go though. There are a couple of points I would like to ask about
1. Is this any good at all. I'm worried it may not be. I would love to contribute to this site after being a reader for so long. But I have no interest in investing my time into or adding to this site another piece of crap.
2. I have a background in History, not humanities or English, and I feel like my analytical style won't work in this medium.
3. I started in first person without putting much thought to it. Should I continue this way or should I switch to third person.
4. Have I giving enough description. To set the scene.
5. I know I haven't even introduced the main squeeze yet, that will come next chapter. They will bond over tutoring (yeah I know, another cliche), I want her to develop an appreciation for who he is.
6. Finally I don't want to end the story with the the couple lying in bed naked, but with the main character either dumping or rejecting the girl in favor of Dungeons and Dragons with his true friends. Thus indicating that he is his own man.
How I am going to go about making the climax happen I'm not sure of yet...
A. I could make the girl something of a shallow bitch, until he finally says "enough is enough"
B1. I could have the girl lead the guy and the reader into thinking she has changed over the course of the story, only to find out that she hasn't
B2. I could have the girl lead the guy and the reader to believe she is different when in fact she isn't.
C. I could slowly turn the guy into an ass, and make he realize that he has become everything he hated, thus he dumps the girl and returns to the person he truly is.
D. I could have a more feel good story (no pun intended) where they are still together and he turns her down for D&D for a less serious reason (such as she is making him spend too much time with her)
Lastly, any suggestion, any ideas you would like to see implemented, any cliches you want avoided, (although I have already dampered in that a little) for my story would be greatly appreciated
Here is the prologue and the first chapter.
Author’s commentary, Yes this is a “nerd” story, but I’m going to try not to make it the same nerd story put out every week on this site. Also the smut won’t be until much later, I’m going to write a little first. None of the characters except “David Deangelo” are real nor are they inspired from any other character.
Prologue
It all started the summer before my senior year. No, that was not when I came across some girl I barely knew, or a desperate cougar neighbor who spread her legs for me on a whim. It wasn’t going to be so easy, fortunately. What I found was the dating advice from one David Deangelo, founder of the Double Your Dates system. It went against every fiber of my being, everything I thought I knew about life and women. And yet, I knew from my experience that David was right. The premise of Deangelo’s work was such, most women are attracted to men. Earth shattering concept I know. There may be some who bond physically with other women, and fewer still who might enjoy the dominance of bonding with a much younger member of the male population. But for the most part, despite all their bitching, women like men.
What is a man? From what I could gather a man is about all else, confidence. “Real men” do not need gifts and labor to win female affection. To do so, I realized was nothing more then a fancy bribe. “Real men’s lives” do not revolve around their women. Real men know that there is no fun, no satisfaction in chasing a mate that won’t put up a fight, just as a predator has been known not to case prey that does not run.
Such revelations came as a shock to my system, but to throw his work down and to walk away would be to betray my own value of education, so I continued on. Slowly, I became a convert to his way of thinking. But reading during the summer is one thing. The test will come once the first bell rings.
Chapter One
First day of classes, my new form slowly started to take form. I didn’t bring any physical reminders of my summer of training but I might as well of. The morning was uneventful, nothing seemed worth commenting on, other then why we study civics in 12th grade. During the afternoon gym class, I passed up a couple of possible comments during the team selections. And so it went for about two weeks, if education is defined as a change in behavior, I had learned nothing.
Then, thank my lucky stars, I got lucky. Two things that you need to know about my school, one football players rule and two freshmen get crapped on. Yeah I know, how unusual. One learns real quickly that you don’t walk too closely to the football players unless you want to know what it’s like to be tripped by Bugs Bunny. The freshman was in a rush, and the jocks where well aware. He dropped his books as he fell and they scattered across the hall. A roar of laughter erupted from his culprits. The culprit, as usual Jason Michaels. An idea came to me, now I just needed to get it out of my mouth.
“Seriously Jason,” I paused to collect my thoughts “The Looney Toons trip? Give me a break, would it kill you come up with something original?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m saying,” I sputtered “that I thought the trip was funny too, but then I went through puberty.” My voice trailed off as if to wonder what the fuck I was doing.
“Do you have any idea who I am, I ought to kick your ass right here?”
At that moment a funny feeling came over me, and quite suddenly, I threw my head back in laughter. “Oh for the love of…, a jock with an anger management issue. Did I just walk onto the set of some bad movie?” That’s when Jason came for my head. If I was a split second faster, his hand would have hit steel locker at full speed. I wasn’t, instead everything quickly because a red tinted haze.
