Neighborly Love (Closed for rpashley)

[such_a_bad_man]

John lived in a suburb that could be anywhere in the States. There was nothing about it that made it unique, but it was the sort of suburb where everyone knows everyone. You see the same people at the grocery store, at the restaurants in town, at the schools. It was a town for people that worked in the city to have some place quiet and safe to live outside the city and its perceived problems. It was also where the upper middle class built their houses once they made their first million.

This was where I lived with my wife Danielle. She made her living in the city as an interior designer and corporate space planner. I was a consulting engineer that did a lot of work remotely. I would travel to meet customers and make speeches at industry conferences. As a result, my marriage was lived in passing. It wasn't loveless; it was comfortable. My wife and I just expected to see the other when we were home. It wasn't sexless either. It was just mundane, routine. Each of us knew what we wanted in bed. When we got it, that was it. A kiss and then sleep.

I wondered if every house in my cul-de-sac was like this. My neighbors, Ashley and her husband Kurt, seemed like nice people. Well, Ashley was. She was the one I saw the most of the two. Kurt worked in the city for an investment firm. From the sound of it when I would talk with Ashley, he had to spend a lot of time overnight to be up for Asian market openings and the like. I could feel it in her tone that she was going through the same marriage in passing as I was, but I never talked with her about it. How could I?

Still, since we were home a lot at the same time, we would chat over the fence when I would get the mail or bring in the bins on trash day. I could tell from those chats that Ashley liked to stay fit. She would either be coming back from a run, doing laps in her pool or yoga on the deck behind her house. I kept joking that I should come over and join her. Sitting at my computer doing CAD drawings wasn't really helping my waistline lately.

When I saw her in the grocery store on an off day, I figured a chat wouldn't be a problem. I had just grabbed a cart and saw she was starting her day in the produce section. Like so many times at home, Ashley was sporting a pair of running shoes, yoga pants that hugged her legs, a loose open-sided top and matching sports bra under it. Her hair was up in a ponytail, showing off the lovely shape of her neck. I didn't realize I was staring until someone needed to get past me to get a cart.

I rolled over near Ashley and picked out some berries that Danielle liked in her morning smoothies. "I wonder if it might be easier to use their delivery service some times," I said, trying to get Ashley's attention. I wore my friendly smile for her as I did every time we stopped for a chat. I hoped she didn't catch me looking this time; the time she caught me during her swim was a bit awkward.

 

[rpashley]

I smiled as John snuck in a comment as I rummaged around the berries as well. “Phyeah, If I didn’t want to get out the boredom of being home all the time I would totally use it. I don’t really *trust* anyone else to pick out my fruit either.”

It was a normal day in my life, my husband Kurt was off at the office paying attention to god-knows-what at his job, & I was going about my own life stuff. Work (I’m a photographer, portrait, family, weddings, boudoir, for the fun of it), work out, & just kind of live life, sometimes it felt like I had a husband, sometimes it felt like I was just in a contractual obligation to have dinner ready, occasionally go out to dinner, suck his dick & bend over & be a cum receptacle. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE sex, but I also love the whole thing around it, I love being cared for, flirted with, teased, then fucked like the slut I really am inside. My relationship with men before Kurt was very much like this, & it was with him too until we got married, after that it’s like he became bored with me & more fascinated with the money. It’s like, he would rather show me off at dinner parties versus have dinner with me.

I never pictured that this would be the baseline of my life, I thought I would go on adventures, tell great stories, have a life well lived, but I live in suburbia. Safe. Normal. Predictable. Now. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate that I have a beautiful house, my bills are paid, that I have a pool, that I get to focus on my body, my health, I just wasn’t fulfilled.

I want wild. What that looked or looks like? I don’t know. I just know that my insides out want it.

John was sweet, a bit better looking than Kurt, as my husband decided that it wasn’t important to invest in his appearance after he started making 6 figures, & always seemed to be invested in me. I’m positive some of that was attributed to the fact that he couldn’t keep his eyes off of me, but I didn’t mind & I actually loved it, & looked forward to any interaction with him. It was nice to have a strong, deep voiced man, with a gentle heart, not be too terribly coy about being excited to see me, and have his eyes etch an image of me into his brain each second of each frame he could see me. It made swimming in my pool by myself I feel a little more exhilarating, each compromising yoga position a little sweeter, & each conversation a bit more playful.

I could tell that he too, like me, loved his significant other. But that he too knew that he wasn’t the first priority. Every time I saw him kiss his wife goodbye, you could tell that he longed for her, but he wanted more from it.

Or anything.

Maybe he wanted wild as well.

Who knows.

“What are you up to today? On this wild Wednesday,” I said with a playful grin, hoping to have a longer conversation.

 

[such_a_bad_man]

"What am I doing? You're looking at it," I said, moving around the display to pick up some more fresh produce for the house. I figure a nice salad would be nice for lunch one of these days while Danielle was busy in town.

"I'm between contracts at the moment. My client approved my edits from Monday, so I'm staring down a few days off until I get my new package from my next clients," I explained. "I figure I should be the good house husband now that I have a few days off. I may even drop by for that swim I keep joking about," I say, smiling over at Ashley.

"Since we're both here, want to be my shopping partner? We don't see each other much other than over the fence. Plus, I realize I don't know much about you beyond those brief chats," I offered, hoping she'd say yes. I hardly saw Danielle these days; I guess with people doing Spring Cleaning, they wanted new interior designs. As a result, I was starved for any social interaction that was more than professional talk about a job. Also, I'd be lying if I hadn't hoped for more time with my gorgeous neighbor.

 

[rpashley]

I laughed,”Yeah, well me too. Kurt’s pretty much around 10% of the time anyhow. Who knew that one person could put so much effort into talking about money all day,” I rolled my eyes, I care about my husband, but I also care about allowing me to feel the disdain for how much his chase of wealth has messed with what I hoped our marriage would be.

“I’ll probably edit some photos, confirm a few clients, but I don’t really have anything to do until the weekend hits other than exist. I enjoy the alone time most of the time. But you know, I thought I’d have more company when I said ‘I do.’ And…”

I looked up and smirked,”Of course I’d love to be your shopping partner, I’d love to know more about my mysterious neighbor, more than what I already do, & that your office window overlooks my back yard & deck,” I nudged John & laughed referencing the time I caught him “observing” my swim session.

“And you’re *always* welcome. I know we’re both in the same predicament. Work from home when your significant other is too busy for you is hard. I’ll gladly take the company…”

 

[such_a_bad_man]

I knew it. I knew she saw me, but never said anything about it. Still, she's being a great sport about it. I can't help but smile wide as I move along with Ashley as we continue along the aisles. It's great to have some company finally.

"Maybe this is how I start my workout regimen again. These next few days have left me with no excuse." I say, smiling over as I give her ever-present workout clothes another glance. I don't want to stare, but something about her makes it hard not to.

"But believe me when I say that I completely understand about what you said about companionship after getting married. Last year, there were months where I didn't see Danielle outside of the weekend. Even then, we didn't do much beside date night and some errands..." I lamented. "I thought there would be more to it than this." I say, mirroring what Ashley was saying earlier.

 

[rpashley]

I grin.

“Like I said, I’m always here for the company. Finding friends is even harder when you get married & don’t have a school or a club to be a part of.” I flash a sweet smile as we peruse the aisles.

“Yeah, but like what does that something more look like? And. I worry that this is just what happens. I don’t know. I never thought I’d be in a passionless situation this fast…Wait. I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to dump all of this on you.

I’m so sorry that you know exactly how I feel though. I hate it for me & even more so that someone knows what it’s like.”

 

[such_a_bad_man]

"No no, I'm glad you're talking so openly about this. I thought it was just me. I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone in facing what my marriage has become. It's so different to what I used to be. Danielle is a great woman: driven, clever, business-minded. It made all the sense in the world to marry her... but now, I worry that's all she is." I confess, finally getting the chance to unload what I've been feeling as well.

"But I mean, what do we do about it?" I ask, coming back to the same question that's kept me spinning my wheels in my relationship with my wife. I look over at Ashley, wondering if she has come to any conclusions in her fight with this problem.

 

[rpashley]

“Yeah, I hear that. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in plenty of regards. Kurt is the same way, he’s a great provider, it’s allowed me to pursue my dreams, but…I’m not wanted. I want to be the priority. *The* desire. You know?”

I look into my cart & realize I everything I need. I don’t want this conversation to end. It feels far too good to feel seen, in any regard.

“I don’t know John. Sadly. I wish I had answers. But all I have are questions. Sucks though. Even in my brief opportunities to know you, Danielle is a lucky woman, & I’m sure I don’t even know the half of it, & she’s not even noticing.

Do…do you have a lot more to pick up? I think I’m ready to check out…”

 

[such_a_bad_man]

I sighed as I heard my frustrations spilling out of Ashley's mouth. It was no coincidence that she was going through the same loss and separation that I was even though our spouses were very much alive. "We used to sit up and talk all night and lay in bed all day... now, I barely say more than 10 words to her when she is home." I lament.

As we near the front of the store, I'm a bit surprised to hear Ashley talk about me like that. "Um, wow. Thanks. I just wish Danielle could see what you see. Kurt is an idiot for not making sure he's taking care of things at home. It seems like it would be better off if we swapped spouses..." I joke, but part of me wonders if that might be better for everyone involved.

I look down at my cart and double check the list on my phone. I frown as there's not really anything more for me to grab. "I... think I'm good... Maybe we can get that swim in after I take all this home and pack it away," I suggest, looking for a way to spend a little more time with Ashley.

 

[rpashley]

I smile.

“I remember that too. I remember talking about dreams & passion. I just thought that I was one of them. And if it would help I would totally swap spouses,” I laugh,” if it meant getting filled in the ways I need, I’m here for it,” smirking at my double entendre.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that. Kurt’s not going to be around til late, & it’s not like he’d care if you came over to swim any ways. He loves showing me off to other men. I’m like a trophy for him to show off,” I roll my eyes & keeps talking,”He’d probably love it honestly if someone took the burden of giving me attention off of him.”

I turn towards the checkout line,”So okay, you’ll come over?”

 

[such_a_bad_man]

I furrowed my brow at Ashley's choice of word. Surely, she didn't mean it like that.

Did she?

Hearing her explain a bit more about how Kurt saw their marriage, maybe it was better for her to have someone closer to her. Kurt sounded like a creep if Ashley genuinely felt that way. It sounded more and more like Ashley was just a thing. Another object for Kurt to acquire for his perfect life.

I smiled as Ashley checked again about me coming over for the swim. "I wouldn't miss it for the world now. I'll see you in about a half hour?" I asked as I was about to go through a different line to speed things along.

My check out took a bit longer. Lovely Mrs Allison was working today and I didn't notice until I got into her line. She's a retiree that took a cashier job at the grocery store so she could chat with everyone that comes through her line. She would do little things like ring up coupons she knew about or give you her employee discount if you had a good chat with her. Sadly, that meant I had to wave to Ashley as she walked past the end of my line on her way to her car.

I finished up with Mrs. Allison and packed my car for the drive home. I had to pull past Ashley and Kurt's house to drive into my driveway. I didn't see her in the back when I arrived and unpacked the car. Once the kitchen was stocked, I went to my bedroom and slipped my trunks on. I hadn't worn these since the last trip with Danielle, but they still fit. Maybe I hadn't put on as much weight as I thought. The loose boarder shorts hung past my knees and I grabbed a beach towel on my way out. Slipping on some deck shoes, I walked over to Ashley's and rang the bell. I could have gone around back, but I still didn't see her out there. I couldn't imagine why she wasn't already doing laps without me.

 

[rpashley]

As I said,”See you soon,” to John, my heart was racing and…if I’m honest I don’t totally know why. I guess that my body & my soul was starving so much for attention & connection that the minute that I connected with someone beyond just being their thing that I would remember what it felt like to be remotely alive.

I lost myself in the getting home & unpacking of my things, I kept thinking about what hanging out with John today would look like & what would happen if we got closer…and wondering what kind of lover he was…was he adventurous…kind…rough…sharing…and how big he might be…and then a twinge of jealousy ran through me, as I realized that Danielle gets to experience someone who cares deeply for her, but she takes it for granted & then even worse, I started to feel a little guilty for letting my mind wander with John…BUT! I’m not having my needs met or fulfilled…so what am I? Ornamental? John…for a minute made me feel…good…seen…heard…wet?

Fuck. This was going to be a problem.

I knew that there was a spark that I really enjoyed, & I wanted it to ignite, even if I knew it was wrong. I shouldn't risk his marriage even if mine wasn't good...

I finished unpacking the groceries & went upstairs to change, my mind was still wandering... Surely I had a minute to myself before John would be over...

 

[such_a_bad_man]

I stand on the porch, wondering what could be keeping Ashley. She must have heard the doorbell, I reason, but still don't see movement from inside. I try the bell again, but it still doesn't engender a response. I sigh, wondering if she got cold feet and chickened out of having me come over. As a last try, I turn the doorknob, but am surprised to find it unlocked.

"Maybe she figured I'd let myself in..." I murmur to myself, trying to let myself off the hook for doing just that. I step inside and see that the house reflects what Ashley told him about Kurt. Everything seems to be about projecting opulent wealth. But like the man Kurt is, the gold accents are just gold leaf. The artifact decor is plastic or plaster. I can only chuckle a snort through my nose as I shake my head at Kurt's taste in decoration.

I hear something as I'm walking through the living room. It sounded like Ashley's voice.

"Hello?" I call out, but I hear it again and it sounds like it's coming from upstairs. I follow the sound, figuring that Ashley is still getting ready. "Ashley?" I call up the steps, but I get no response. I walk upstairs, figuring I'll knock on her bedroom or bathroom door to let her know I'm here.

I round the corner and stop as I can see right into Ashley's bedroom at the end of the hall. I swallow as I see her standing there, topless with her back to me. She's nearly stripped naked, leaving on an thong she must wear under her leggings. I'm about to turn and head back downstairs when I hear a soft whimper.

"John..."

I freeze and look back down the hall at Ashley who stands there, running her hands over her body. "He doesn't touch me like this anymore..." She sighs, lost in a fantasy it would seem. I can see past her to the full length mirror as she cups one of her perky breasts in one hand and runs one hand under her thong.

I hear her gasp "John!" again before I take a few steps back down the stairs. I clear my throat loudly and call out a little louder.

"Ashley? Are you home?!" I call up the stairs so that I'm not in her eye line when she turns around.

 

[rpashley]

I…I couldn’t help myself…I could hear the bass of John’s voice still reverberating in my bones…I had to at least taste my wetness…I peeled off my clothes, leaving my thong on last, and had started to let my mind wander into the world of what it would look like for a man to admire me, truly enjoy the sights & sounds of my body.

I pretended that my dainty hands were John’s strong large hands, what his callouses would feel like on my soft skin, but taught muscles, how his warmth would engulf mine while his hands…trail…ed…down…to my…

I jumped out. of. my. skin.

Fuck. What? John called my name? I looked around as I came back to reality. Oh god, I took too long. My fingers in my pussy, my other hand cupping my tits.

“Fuck, it’s been a long time since I’ve been that lost in lust…”I whispered to myself. John called my name again, did he see me? Hear me? Or did he just come in & call from downstairs?

I fumble around, making noise to make it sound like I’m still getting ready, but it’s a bikini, how much getting ready does one have to do.

I call back to him,“Oh! Uhm! I just…lost track of time? I’ll be down in just one second! I’m so sorry!”

Luckily, I had already picked out my bikini (https://www.bikiniboss.com/rakish-sexy-bikini#gallery-3) & threw it on quickly. I know…I know…it’s skimpy & scandalous, but, I loved the way John looked at me, & from the sound of it, he needed the appreciation & attention in return.

I lick my fingers that were in my pussy, reveled in the sweet scent & taste of my body, wiped them off on my bed & grabbed my towel, & started to go downstairs. As I catch John in my eyes, I smile & didn’t regret taking the time to toy with pussy & fantasize about him…

“Hi, I’m…I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me…I just thought I had more time that’s all.”

 

[such_a_bad_man]

“Oh! Uhm! I just…lost track of time? I’ll be down in just one second! I’m so sorry!”

Ashley called as she must have snapped out of it. 'Lost track of time or lost in lust, Ashley...' I think to myself as I move quietly back down the steps to the bottom floor. I don't want her catching me and realizing what I saw. I linger around the base of the steps as I hear her quickly slipping her bikini on. From the sound of it, it didn't sound like much fabric which makes my mouth dry at the thought.

She stepped down slowly, giving me a slow reveal of the bikini she was wearing. I swallowed hard as it showed off the body she worked so hard to keep in shape. She carried her towel in hand rather than wrapping it around her body and I couldn't be more happy for that decision.

“Hi, I’m…I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me…I just thought I had more time that’s all.”

"Yeah, it didn't take me as long as I thought to get out of the store. Mrs. Allison got more shoppers behind me so she had to keep our conversation short," I say smiling. "And it doesn't take me that long to change, really. I've only got the one set of trunks..." I say, gesturing to my over the knee boarder shorts. I never went for the tight Speedo look; it just looked like it would mash up my junk something awful. These trunks were more for comfort and to not show off too much.

"Pool's this way?" I ask, trying to stick to why we were doing this. I don't know why it felt so naughty all of a sudden, but Ashley's bikini certainly isn't helping. I turn to walk with her through the house, trying not to stare at her body but failing.

 

[rpashley]

I smile as I see how John's eyes light up at the sight of me, my core still burning with lust for the man that I see at the bottom of the stairs.

I wondered if he heard anything…I’m not the quietest, even when by myself…

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting! I’m excited to have you though,” I flash a smile ,”and I mean, you look great in those trunks, although I wouldn’t mind seeing you in a speedo. Maybe Danielle is the lucky girl that sees you in that,”I grin, looks John up & down as I turn & leads him to the pool. “Yeah, this way, follow me.” I purposely sway my hips just a little slightly, as my thong bikini barely covers any of my firm but supple ass.

As we walk through the house & to the kitchen before the doors for the pool, I turn and ask,”Actually can I get you a drink? Or can I give you anything you need?” I have a hint of a wicked glint in my eye.

 

[such_a_bad_man]

"You look great in those trunks, although I wouldn’t mind seeing you in a Speedo. Maybe Danielle is the lucky girl that sees you in that."

I chuckle at Ashley's comment. "No, no Speedos in the house. Danielle, IF she ever sees me..." I make a point of accentuating that "IF". "She'll see me naked if she wants me in a sexy swimming outfit. If she sees me, that is..." I add, hinting at how long it's been since Danielle and I have had any private time together.

I follow Ashley through the house. It's not hard; my eyes are on her perfect ass already. I shake my head at how little fabric she's wearing and marvel at the string thong she's wearing. It's all so incredible; her yoga outfits showed her body off to me before, but not like this.

”Actually can I get you a drink? Or can I give you anything you need?”

'Okay, she phrased it that way on purpose that time. I'm sure of it,' I think to myself. I swallow hard as my eyes give her body another pass. I remind myself that she and I have spouses and that we can't violate their trust.

"I'd go for a bottle of water to take out there..." I say through a dried throat. Looking at Ashley in that bikini, it's hard not to think about taking her in my arms and showing her how accurate her fantasy was upstairs. I remind myself that I can't do it and turn away to look out the window as she gets the water for me.

 

[rpashley]

I lean into the fridge & pull out a couple of waters for us to have while we're out by the pool, the cool feels delightful on my skin, but I was also lingering just in hopes that John was paying attention to the view.

As I stand back up I ask,"So. Really? Danielle is just absent? I understand that, Kurt's barely here, I don't even understand how we ended up here honestly."

With both bottles of water in hand, I walk past John & leads the way out to the pool.

 

[such_a_bad_man]

As Ashley walked past me, I could see that the cold temperature of the fridge had made her nipples firm up. The fabric of her top did nothing to conceal them. At least, I assume that's why they are hard like that. She's a married woman and I'm a married man, I tell myself as I follow her outside. Then again, we are talking a lot about our partners never being around as much as we'd like. Maybe there is something we both want.

I take one of the bottles and crack it open. I suck down a few swallows, trying to calm down as I turn to look at the clear water of the pool. "Do you keep it heated?" I ask, trying to change the subject. I fear if we keep talking about our absentee spouses, we will find what we are looking for in each other. I glance over, wondering if that's what she's been wanting all this time.

 

[rpashley]

John's avoidance in engaging in the topic shows me that there's some hesitation for him to talk about our distant spouses. Was he really struggling with Danielle? Or was he just intent on not furthering this discussion?

I figure that I might as well go along with his change of topic so that he can feel a little more comfortable.

"Oh, yeah, we do. Kurt feels bad that he's not here enough, so he tries to make this home set up as comfortable as possible for me. It is rare that we don't have a beautiful day here, but it certainly helps in those chillier months that I want to enjoy a swim. Most of the times though I use the hot tub as a relaxer after a work out, or yoga. I do sunbathe enough though, that the every so often dip in the pool is nice."

I look over to John, flashes a friendly, but nervous smile. I was just toying with my pussy while fantasizing about this man, & I now was afraid that I was being too open & making him uncomfortable. Maybe my frustrations with Kurt are deeper than I think they are, just...the way John looks at me makes me feel warm, safe, & even desired. He's also devilishly handsome & his voice reverberates all the way to every nerve in my bare pussy.

I dunno. Maybe I've misread him, he felt flirty in the grocery store, but now he may have realized that was a mistake, or I just was off base. As I set my towel down on the lounge chair, I ask,"Would you like to take a dip?"

 

[such_a_bad_man]

As soon as Ashley asked, I turn to her. "Yes please." I say, breathing a sigh of relief as I turn and set my towel and the bottle of water on a deck chair. I peel my shirt up and off before kicking my sandals off too. With a few steps, I tip forward into a dive. I hit the water and it is the perfect temperature. With a sigh, I break the surface and wipe my hair back to keep the water out of my eyes.

"Oh that's perfect, Ashley." I say, looking back at her in that tiny black bikini. She looks absolutely perfect in it. I can't help but feel my body react. "You really put in the work on your tan this year, I see." I say, noticing no visible tan lines. My mind races at the thought of her laying out naked and I missed it.

I tread water, waiting and watching her dive. I'm curious how the many hours she's put in have trained her skills.

 

[rpashley]

My eyes widen as John took his shirt off, my eyes fixated on his masculine figure.

I wish I could tell you the head of the fire & amount of butterflies that went from the tip of my toes to my head when he jumped into the pool, but it would be an insufficiently stated amount.

"Isn't it?" I smile as I see him full of joy & relaxation as he lets the beads of water fall off of his skin, into the pool.

"I love getting in this pool every day. And, thank you," I say as I strike a goofy pose,"I do live alone with privacy fences, wearing a bikini back here & to swim is more of a rarity than anything else." I bite my lip & jumps into the pool, falling into the bathwater warm water, & when I come up, the sun glistens off of my skin, I pull my hair back & smiles at you.

"You're right, this is so perfect."

 

[such_a_bad_man]

I nod. "It is perfect... So you mean to tell me that you sun bathe back here naked and I've missed it?" I ask, the flirty tone coming back to me as I watch a large droplet slide down Ashley's skin and disappear into her cleavage as she floats in the water before me.

Even as I do, I bite my lip before looking up into her eyes. "I hope that I can swim back here more often... so long as it's just swimming..." I finally lay down the law. "We're married, Ashley. I don't want to screw that up..." I say, fearing we've forgotten this and gotten here so fast without thinking about what we are doing. I also don't make a move to get out of the pool. I'm not sure I could if I tried right now as Ashley bobs up and down in front of me, her body so close to mine.

 

[rpashley]

"...I...I'm sorry..."

I distance myself from John a little feeling a little ashamed & embarrassed. I could have sworn that this flirtation was a mutual interest thing, but feelings of my neglectful husband & now this gorgeous man turning me down causes me to clam up & shrink.

"I just thought it was innocent playfulness. I didn't mean to cross any boundaries. I can stop...If you want, I can go & you can enjoy the space," I say as I start to motion to climb out of the pool.

 

[such_a_bad_man]

I reach out and put a hand on Ashley's shoulder. I don't want her to get out of the pool. I like her; I like having her around. Maybe I was a little strong in what I said.

"No, don't leave. I... I just got scared. My brain jumped like 50 steps ahead and I saw the worst outcome in my head. I like spending time with you, Ashley. I do," I bite my lip, looking into her trusting eyes.

"I... I saw you upstairs." I admit, biting my lip. "You didn't answer when I called out for you and I thought I heard you so I went to find you and... I shouldn't have intruded, but I saw and heard what you said. I guess I panicked and have been assuming that's what inviting me over has been about. I know we're both lonely in our marriages, but we are both married still... As lonely as I am, I still love my wife. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but I felt I had to say it before something happened..." I say, realizing I still haven't taken my hand back from Ashley's shoulder.