Negative Response to Story

[JPGmvny]

I posted a 2500 word story on Non-Erotic. A Mother's Story. It was my first posting there. It initially got a number of 5s, but then has been hammered, down to 3.93 for 44 votes. It's a story about a mother who comes out to her daughter when her daughter comes out to her. She tells of having a lesbian affair shortly after being married and goes from there.

I received one comment, which was well thought-out, that the wife was a fraud and a cheat, etc., and got what she deserved.

I viewed it as a sweet tale of love denied or delayed because of the time. (It would have been in the 90s.) I found the counter-view interesting. Not necessarily wrong. A different perspective.

I'm curious whether others feel that way. I thought Non-Erotic would be a laid-back category. Is it story length? More than anything, I am curious.

 

[jaF0]

No matter how good, bad or indifferent you think it is, not everyone will agree with you. Shocking, eh?


But from your short description, I'd say you put it in the wrong section.

 

[JPGmvny]

No matter how good, bad or indifferent you think it is, not everyone will agree with you. Shocking, eh?


But from your short description, I'd say you put it in the wrong section.

Thanks. That's what I was looking for. I was curious as to the reaction to this story, and I think you're right. I have submitted to move it to Lesbian Sex.

 

[gunhilltrain]

There are some stories that don't fit neatly into one category, and sometimes the audience will not like a story because they perceive it to be in the "wrong" one.

We once discussed the possibility of a new category called Relationships. There are some stories that are not "sexy" enough to go into Erotic Couplings and not "romantic" enough to go into Romance. I'm working on a story that, like you, I will probably have to put into Non-erotic for lack of any other place to go.

The audience here is huge and unless you get a big following, constantly shifting. I'd like every score to be above 4.00 but that's not the way things go. 3.93 is a respectable score here. I see that almost all of your submissions have been well received.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

Any extramarital sex stories get a certain amount of hate from people who don't know what "story" and "fiction" are.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Wherever you put it, it's not going to wow readers. For a little story containing two fundamentally life changing admissions, it's very, very bland. There's no drama, no depth to the characters, no emotion.

The problem, I think, is that you've packed too much into too few words. It's a Readers Digest piece. It doesn't need to be War and Peace, but there's more to be said than, "One day Mattie came out to her mom, and they had lunch" - which is how this reads. Too short, by a country mile.

 

[LesDesirable]

The story in itself is fine, and could be posted either in Lesbian sex or non-erotic.

Why I would vote lower: The writing is so incredibly passive and told without a shred of emotion. You described what would be probably the most emotional day of two lives, without even a hint of emotion in the text. Where is the fear, where is the anxiety, where is the worry, insecurity, trepidation, hesitation, and finally the relief and acceptance?

Ho hum, we're both gay, eat that Dad, and off into our new perfect lesbian lives we go.

The couple negative comments are from people who cannot separate fiction from reality quite well enough, and should be ignored.

Rewrite it - start with the daughter, working on that year of denial, pain, mistrust, attempting, and finally resolution to come out. Go back and have the mother show herself going through the identical process, but choosing the other path - that of denial and social acceptance. Show the fear, on the big day, then the fear for both of them as they approach the father. Show me his shock, his denial, his anger, his refusal to accept, his resentment and then the process of his eventual acceptance.

If you write the emotional story rather than tell the narrative version, you might sway even some of those who dislike the character based on the premise of living straight while being gay.

 

[JPGmvny]

The story in itself is fine, and could be posted either in Lesbian sex or non-erotic.

Why I would vote lower: The writing is so incredibly passive and told without a shred of emotion. You described what would be probably the most emotional day of two lives, without even a hint of emotion in the text. Where is the fear, where is the anxiety, where is the worry, insecurity, trepidation, hesitation, and finally the relief and acceptance?

Ho hum, we're both gay, eat that Dad, and off into our new perfect lesbian lives we go.

The couple negative comments are from people who cannot separate fiction from reality quite well enough, and should be ignored.

Rewrite it - start with the daughter, working on that year of denial, pain, mistrust, attempting, and finally resolution to come out. Go back and have the mother show herself going through the identical process, but choosing the other path - that of denial and social acceptance. Show the fear, on the big day, then the fear for both of them as they approach the father. Show me his shock, his denial, his anger, his refusal to accept, his resentment and then the process of his eventual acceptance.

If you write the emotional story rather than tell the narrative version, you might sway even some of those who dislike the character based on the premise of living straight while being gay.

I appreciate the comments. They explain a lot. I'll take it as an object lesson of what works and what doesn't on Lit. Perhaps I'll come back to it and do the story justice.

 

[Areala-chan]

I posted a 2500 word story on Non-Erotic. A Mother's Story. It was my first posting there. It initially got a number of 5s, but then has been hammered, down to 3.93 for 44 votes. It's a story about a mother who comes out to her daughter when her daughter comes out to her. She tells of having a lesbian affair shortly after being married and goes from there.

I received one comment, which was well thought-out, that the wife was a fraud and a cheat, etc., and got what she deserved.

I viewed it as a sweet tale of love denied or delayed because of the time. (It would have been in the 90s.) I found the counter-view interesting. Not necessarily wrong. A different perspective.

I'm curious whether others feel that way. I thought Non-Erotic would be a laid-back category. Is it story length? More than anything, I am curious.

I'm hardly an authority on why stories here get the votes that they do, but I will say that 2,500 words is very short for a story. Too short to get the emotional build-up you want for the payoff you need. It's a technically competent piece of fiction as far as grammar and spelling go, but emotionally this type of thing calls for a drawn-out sense of rising tension before the damn breaks at the climax. What you delivered is a tiny build-up, a long-running minor plateau, and a slight dribble at the end with the happily-ever-after with Helen.

From the comments, it looks like you got some of the Loving Wives crowd riled up, but beyond this it's a matter of emotion, and the feeling just didn't quite make it on this one. Keep working at it and you'll get it right.

 

[KeithD]

I wouldn't blame wordage for any failure to deliver whatever emotions are wanted. This can be done (and is done in the mainstream) in flash fiction. The Literotica formatting and readers just tolerate/encourage flabby writing and/or everything-and-the-kitchen-sink writing,

 

[Sy23]

You might want to check out the concept of "Death of the Author" - if you aren't familiar with the phrase, it essentially means that one a writer publishes a piece, it then becomes the "mental property" of the reader who puts her own interpretations and meanings on it. For example, you the writer might think your heroine is a contemptible bitch, but the readers may fall in love with her and see something of themselves in them. You might think your 2nd protagonists jokes are really witty, the readers may see hm as a pain. You might put in a rape scene to show how contemptible your anti-hero is, only for readers to say "I love the scene where Marmaduke shagged Lois, been waiting for it for ages... especially liked the way she enjoyed it while pretending not to want it" - personally I think that any feedback, even if he story has been interpreted in a way you didn't intend, is fine. I bet Shakespeare would be mystified b modern Spark Notes telling what he "meant" in his plays!

 

[JPGmvny]

You might want to check out the concept of "Death of the Author" - if you aren't familiar with the phrase, it essentially means that one a writer publishes a piece, it then becomes the "mental property" of the reader who puts her own interpretations and meanings on it. For example, you the writer might think your heroine is a contemptible bitch, but the readers may fall in love with her and see something of themselves in them. You might think your 2nd protagonists jokes are really witty, the readers may see hm as a pain. You might put in a rape scene to show how contemptible your anti-hero is, only for readers to say "I love the scene where Marmaduke shagged Lois, been waiting for it for ages... especially liked the way she enjoyed it while pretending not to want it" - personally I think that any feedback, even if he story has been interpreted in a way you didn't intend, is fine. I bet Shakespeare would be mystified b modern Spark Notes telling what he "meant" in his plays!

Thanks for the comment, and I appreciate it, and all the others. I agree that it's up to the reader to make of my stories what they will.

I pulled the story because it had major weak points, including many cited by commentors. I will not be posting a revised version, though, because it was accepted for publication as a short book. It was vastly improved by the comments I received on it and on this thread.

 

[MohanSingh]

You just have to get your stories out there. There is no point getting hung up on reviews. As long as someone jerked off to it, it is a win.