Negative Reinforcement

[hornyhubby508]

My wife only fucks me after we have a very stressful and/or emotional conversations. It's driving me nuts because I feel myself wanting to go to a dark place just to fulfill my sexual needs with her. I just hate the stress of it. I'd rather just have an emotionally draining fuck without artificially deflating ourselves first. It's one thing to be rough physically if both adults are consenting, but rough verbally and emotionally is something foreign to me. Any suggestions here? Is it normal for some people to get turned on by emotionally tormenting their partners?

 

[SweetErika]

Is she actually turned on by the stress/fighting/emotions?

Or is it that she's trying to connect in a positive way (repairing, making up, etc.) after the emotional conversations?

Do you two have softer intimacy or sex at other times, or is the grudge/makeup sex all there is to your sex life?

Have you asked her for her perspectives on this topic? If so, what has she said? If not, why not?

 

[BertrandRussell]

It is normal for women to get turned on after emotionally connecting with their partners.

My guess is that she is not getting the sense of connection that she wants under normal circumstances, so she resorts to whatever she can. She probably would prefer more positve/healthy emotions from you, but has no clue how to do it,

I forget who said it,,,some people stay in hell because they know the names of the streets.

 

[chipcarver]

I think BR has some great insight. If she has no positive connection with you (talking, LISTENING on your part, sitting next to each other, cuddling, etc.) she may be falling back on something we have all had, make up sex, which seems to always be awesome.
Without more insight into your marriage we can only guess. Usually if one partner is upset it was caused by the other partner with or without their knowledge.
Sit down and calmly talk to her, listen and DON"T try to fix, which we men are apt to always try because it's in our nature.

good luck

 

[bailadora]

I forget who said it,,,some people stay in hell because they know the names of the streets.

Huh. That explains A LOT. I read some of these threads and sometimes wonder why people just don't get the hell out. Makes sense now.

 

[hornyhubby508]

I did talk to her about this and it seemed better for a day or two, but since then it's been about the same. The only sex we have is makeup sex it seems.

 

[SweetErika]

I did talk to her about this and it seemed better for a day or two, but since then it's been about the same. The only sex we have is makeup sex it seems.

With all due respect, you need to address this--and your other issues--with a good therapist. Your posts say your wife cheated on you, you're actively seeking other women, and now you two have this unhealthy sexual dynamic going on. That's way more than we can help you with.

Ask your wife to go to therapy with you so you can improve your relationship. If she won't, go on your own to get yourself sorted out.

 

[Martha39]

http://www.infoocean.info/avatar3.jpgDo you two have softer intimacy or sex at other times, or is the grudge/makeup sex all there is to your sex life?

 

[hornyhubby508]

We have tried therapy. It just isn't working. Her therapist is suggesting she hide stuff from me and she hates the advice my therapist gives. I wish we could go to a couples therapist, but she's against this too.