Needful - Incest/Taboo

[TiberiusM]

Greetings all!

First effort is in and has drawn encouraging comments. There is one that leaves me bemused, however. The poster said he found it confusing as to who was first voice! Fair enough.

This story, which currnetly numbers 8 complete chapters with a nineth in progress, was written as an entertainment for me. So it's very likely that such a weakness is there. My problem is that I wrote it as a third person effort. So the question of who is first voice, concerns me. Did I really leave it that foggy?

Help! If the Incest/Taboo section is one of your interests, have a look at "Needful" and advise me of my error! The critic has a point, if he can't discern first voice in a third person piece.
Thanks, in advance!

TiberiusM

 

[Colleen Thomas]

When you need an opinion on a story, it's always best to include a link if you can.

-Colly

 

[fifty5]

When you need an opinion on a story, it's always best to include a link if you can.

-Colly

Try:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=167634

Eff

 

[TiberiusM]

When you need an opinion on a story, it's always best to include a link if you can.

-Colly

Colly,

You are quite right. And thank you for the reminder, as I had read the suggestion that this is the best way to get readers to your stories! My apologies for the oversite. Let's see if I can refrain from repeating this faux pas!

Thanks again!

TiberiusM (Mik)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/s...y.php?id=167634

 

[TiberiusM]

Try:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=167634

Eff

Aha! Thanks fifty5! You have saved ME from looking up the story's URL. Done!

(Bows politely)

So if anyone can assist with an opinion on the POV question raised about this story, I would be grateful. Thanks in advance.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=167634

TiberiusM (Mik)

 

[cantdog]

This story needs a rewrite. Recite the dialogue; imagine someone actually saying those speeches. Then fix it.

It needs a rewrite not just for POV gaffes, but for verb tenses and especially for tightening up.

Dump the useless words first. The trimmed story will show you what's needful.

 

[TiberiusM]

This story needs a rewrite. Recite the dialogue; imagine someone actually saying those speeches. Then fix it.

It needs a rewrite not just for POV gaffes, but for verb tenses and especially for tightening up.

Dump the useless words first. The trimmed story will show you what's needful.

OUTSTANDING!

Thank you, cantdog. Constructive criticism is the ticket! I will take your advice and rework the chapter. Don't know how well I will do, but hopefully, it will be an improvement!

Thanks again, cantdog!

TiberiusM (Mik)

PS: Your second response, "On Writing", arrived as I was reading the first. Nice timing!