Need some honest advice...

[SweetNothings99]

I met a girl about 4 months ago. We have been talking every day and seeing each other when we can since then. We are madly in love with each other and want so bad to be together. Problem is, she is married and isn't sure when she will leave him. She thinks she is a lesbian (or rather pretty much knows) and doesn't like the sexual intimacy with him or men in general.
They have a daughter together who is 9. She says she has stayed with him because of her. She honestly thinks that if it wasn't for their daughter, she wouldn't have stayed with him.
I love her so much and I would love nothing more than to be with her and I know she feels the same about me.
I guess we are just looking for real, honest opinions. Her husband knows we are friends but that is all he knows. I *think* she might be afraid of what her daughter and her family would think about her leaving her husband to be with another woman.
I have always told her from the beginning that I would wait for her to make a decision on what she wants to do but she also knows I won't wait forever on the sidelines. I hate the thought of not being with her but we both know that is a great possibility.
Thanks in advance for your honest opinions...

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Is her husband a good man?

She owes her daughter a stable family environment. It would be wrong to disrupt that to run off with you. It would be a violation of the implicit promise she made when she chose to bring a child into the world with her husband. It would be unfair to the child. It would also be unfair to her and you, because the legal realities are such that if she does that she almost certainly will lose her daughter, and then she certainly will not be happy, and neither will you.

I think you should both be very close friends and be satisfied with that. Perhaps the situation will mature in a way that allows you to quietly have a little more than that without hurting other people.

I think you both need to be very mature about this, and the fact that you asking this question here suggests that you need some to do some work in that regard.

 

[trent0553]

Interesting question and thread.

I had thought to reply directly but it looks to have been done.

Sage advice Roxanne Appleby.

...although I am not so sure about the maturity part. But very succinctly expressed.