Need some help

[Sturmekaiser]

Recently I started going out with a girl who I find quite cute. We started having sex last Wednesday and things have been going fairly well in that department. However, last night, I couldn't stay hard once we started having sex. And it was like my whole body just wasn't interested, cause I didn't even feel horny once it happened, it was just like "bam, shutdown." I've had a cough for the past week, but it hasn't previously affected our sex. I did just start taking Mucinex DM for it, I don't know if that has any active ingredients that could be causing this effect.

I'm not sure why it's happening, and I'm finding it really embarrassing. Please toss me some suggestions, internet.

This is actually an update of a question I asked previously, but I figured providing more information might be helpful.

Not having sex for a few days (3 we wound up waiting) seemed to help for that time, but she wants sex FREQUENTLY. Like, twice a day is common, and 3 times a day is not terribly unusual. The problem isn't getting hard initially, it's staying that way. Typically after insertion, after a few minutes, I just go soft, and I would describe the feeling as just... not even feeling like I need to ***. Though I do then feel terrible cause I can see the disappointment in her eyes. And that actually is starting to make it a vicious cycle, where I'm so stressed about whether I'm going to suddenly go soft or not, that I almost assuredly do.

I dunno what I can do about this. I'm somewhat embarrassed about the idea of having to go to a doctor and being like "Hi, I'm 27 and I need some viagra" but I'm getting pretty close to going for that because I'm so frustrated by this.

I'm still getting my girlfriend off with tongue and fingers, incidentally, but she really wants me in her, and at this point I'm so freaked out by the possibility that I'll go soft that I'm like "no." Also, any suggestions to calm myself down mentally and not spend the entire time stressing about it would help.

More info (sorry for the disorganized post): I'm 27, and I've been a sexually active for the last decade (coming up almost on the day, actually). I've not previously had any problems in this department. I'm not in great shape, but I am working out. I don't use any drugs, and I rarely drink. Prior to me and this girl going out, I did have a 2 month porn spree where I was frequently watching porn.

 

[SweetErika]

Is it possible that the porn spree led to getting a little too accustomed to your own touch and/or thought processes? A hand can provide far more pressure than a pussy or mouth, and porn is certainly crafted to provide a specific type of stimulation. There's nothing wrong with either, of course, but you may just have to get back in the groove of being with a partner.

Until that happens, and you can relax, I'd suggest reiterating that this has nothing to do with her (that's probably where the disappointment is coming from; most women take things like this incredibly personally), and you need her help to get out of the vicious cycle and stop stressing about what your cock does until you get your mojo back. If she can't/won't support you in taking all of the pressure off and just having the goal of enjoying whatever you feel, then it's time to find a different partner.

 

[nakdsub]

I would not be embarrassed about going

to the doctor. That's what they're there for. I'm sure your condition is temporary, but until you get over whatever it is, Viagra would probably do your relationship good.

 

[Sturmekaiser]

@SweetErika: I think that is the most likely cause that I've been able to come up with, at least for the initial occurrence (after that, it began cycling into a vicious cycle).

@nakdsub: I understand viagra requires a prescription, is it usually a granted on request kind of subscription?

 

[nakdsub]

Yes,

A few years ago I had a girlfriend who was always in the mood. I'm getting older so I went to the doc and simply said, "I'm not the man I used to be." He knew exactly what I was talking about and gave me a prescription with no more said.

The problem is picking them up at the pharmacy and having some sweet young thing explain how to use them to you...Now that' embarrassing.

I didn't use them all the time, just when I was tired and they do work.

 

[SweetErika]

Since it appears to be a mental thing, you may want to hold off on any ED drugs, since they could create a cycle of their own. Think about how easy or difficult it will be for you to stop using your little blue crutch in a few weeks or months - will you be able to relax and stay hard without it, or will you learn to rely on that instead of yourself and your partner?

If you DO decide to get some extra help, you may want to try a supplement like L-Arginine before getting into pricey, side-effect laden drugs (clearly, you'd need to research the options very carefully, ideally talk it over with your doctor or pharmacist and buy the right supplement). Also, have you tried a proper cock ring yet? Because the issue is keeping an erection, the right cock ring may very well help you. However, if you do go the medication route, definitely research your options and pricing, since something other than Viagra may come with fewer side effects and be more cost effective given your sexual habits/schedule.

I'm not saying there's a right or wrong answer here, just that you might try something that typically comes with fewer side effects and you'll definitely want to look at your options from all angles first.

 

[Sturmekaiser]

No I haven't tried the cock ring idea yet, though actually this solution appeals to me. It's simple, a one time cost, and has post-solution uses. Some googling tells me I should start with a rubber one, and shows me a couple results between 15-20 dollars. Is that reasonable pricing?

As far as viagra alternatives, what are some of the names? A viagra alternatives google search was not immediately helpful.

 

[SweetErika]

No I haven't tried the cock ring idea yet, though actually this solution appeals to me. It's simple, a one time cost, and has post-solution uses. Some googling tells me I should start with a rubber one, and shows me a couple results between 15-20 dollars. Is that reasonable pricing?

As far as viagra alternatives, what are some of the names? A viagra alternatives google search was not immediately helpful.

That seems really expensive for a first cock ring, especially if it's just a simple stretchy one. The one we've used is like this, and should be under $10:
http://www.funkybunky.co.uk/media/gbu0/prodlg/The-Ace-Adjustable-Cock-Ring.jpg

It came in a kit and worked fine, so we never bothered buying a different one.

Cialis and Levitra are the other two ED meds. Cialis lasts up to 36 hours, I think, though I'm not sure how the costs and side effects compare.

If you just need a bit of a boost (particularly in confidence), I'd suggest starting with a cock ring, then adding something like L-Arginine (research it - it kind of works like ED drugs, IIRC) before you go get a script for an ED medication. For all you know, the cock ring may work perfectly for you!

The one big caution with cock rings (apart from getting one that fits properly so you don't have to get it removed safely in the ER or something) is to not leave them on for more than 20 minutes at a time. After that, your tissues need oxygenated blood, so take it off, give your cock a rest (like a minimum of 10 minutes), then you can put it back on for another 20 minutes if need be.

 

[subwannabe]

It's possible that your sickness or meds have something to do with it. Infections can suck the life out of you and make you really tired, which may be the basis of your problem. I haven't really heard of Mucinex doing that though by itself. It does also sound like you are letting the pressure get to you, causing a vicious cycle. I am personally against using Viagra in your situation. At 27 you really shouldn't need it. I am a little surpised that you are actually having sex at all given the good possibility you could pass on your sickness to your girlfriend. In any event, I'm crossing my fingers you get over it soon.

 

[MrDeep]

DM tag may be it

I am not a physician or a pharmacist. However, the DM tag may the key. It means Dextromethorphan. Wikipedia says it is a common over the counter drug. What you are using is not illegal in any way.

I believe it does impact different people differently. I read this on wikipedia concerning Dextromethorphan:

"...Certain effects that are similar to the dissociative agents ketamine and phencyclidine (PCP)". I suggest you talk to your doctor.

 

[TBKahuna123]

No I haven't tried the cock ring idea yet, though actually this solution appeals to me. It's simple, a one time cost, and has post-solution uses. Some googling tells me I should start with a rubber one, and shows me a couple results between 15-20 dollars. Is that reasonable pricing?

As far as viagra alternatives, what are some of the names? A viagra alternatives google search was not immediately helpful.

Stay away from Viagra and viagra alternatives. At 27 the chance that you actually need ED drugs is ridiculously low. Your problem is mental, that's it. There are 1000 things that can affect libido: stress, fatigue, alcohol, etc. But if I had to place money on what's causing your issues, I'd go all in on the simple fact that you're scared something is wrong. I just recently went through this myself. I had switched blood pressure meds and they totally whacked out my system. I had 1 time where I couldnt' stay hard and I obsessed about it for weeks. Finally I just stopped worrying about it and suddenly it wasn't an issue anymore.

Now I'm in my 40's, so there very well could have been an issue and that's what bothered me. You, being in your twenties, aren't supposed to have issues, so I can see why this would freak you out and cause probably more subconscious doubts than I had. Thing is, if you stop worrying about it, the ship will probably right itself directly.

Now as for cock rings, that's a great idea. They aren't just good for staying hard, but there are other benefits too. They in crease blood in the penis, which causes a little thickness increase and in turn pushes the nerves up to the surface. It at the same time makes you more sensitive and can delay orgasm. Pretty sweet. I've used them frequently and the experience was very enjoyable for all involved. I don't care for the kind Erika pointed out though, I find the band is a little thin and it can sometimes get uncomfortable. The kind I like are the ones with a little thicker band and the bead that connects them. Like this:

http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/cock-rings/sp-silicone-cock-ties-10599.aspx

What ever you do, stay away from hard plastic or metal ones. That's a disaster and trip to the ER waiting to happen. You can always cut off a silicone one to get the blood flowing, not so easy with metal.

Most important, just relax. Talk to your girl about it, let her know it isn't her, and just relax. Any woman worth being with will understand and be supportive. If you still have problems after a few weeks, then maybe a trip to the doc is in order, but not for drugs. just go get things checked out. Don't worry too much though. you're 27, you'll rebound just fine.

 

[Sturmekaiser]

I pretty much agree it's purely mental at this stage. My problem is more that without something happening to break the cycle, it's really hard for me to spend my thought process leading up to the sex obsessing about it.

I went ahead and picked up a 3 pill prescription for Viagra (also, holy shit, that stuff is expensive), and used one last night. Things all worked as I'm used to which made me feel a lot better. And I was still feeling better the next morning after presumably all the effects were out of my system, so I think my plan for the moment is use one more of the 3, then go for sex without it and with the renewed confidence. If I'm still having problems, I'll pick up a cock ring (and may regardless). I really appreciate the support and advice from you guys.

As I understand the info on the viagra, it basically just increases the blood flow down there, right? Are there foods I could eat that increase circulation (just generally or there specifically)? I'd prefer to aim for more natural (and less expensive) method of improving that kind of thing, and better circulation never hurt.

 

[newlegz]

While I'm glad you've figured out a solution for your issues, (and I'm mentally storing all this info for the next time I'm with a guy with a similar issue- because this happens to a lot of people) I just want to say it might also be helpful to give your girl a little reassurance that its not something she's doing thats causing any issues. Unless she's being a bitch about it, in which case, drop her. But I have a sneaking suspicion having been in her shoes that she feels like there is something wrong with her so maybe remind her that its just a comfort with a new person thing.

 

[roomfor1more]

As I read your question there were two questions that stood out. First question how frequently do you have sex? Unlike women, men do have a finite number of orgasms that they can have in a short period of time. The more you have, from my experience, in a short period of time the longer it takes to get an erection and the more difficult it is to keep it. Second question, how long is each session? I have found the longer foreplay lasts the more difficult it can be to stay erect.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I pretty much agree it's purely mental at this stage. My problem is more that without something happening to break the cycle, it's really hard for me to spend my thought process leading up to the sex obsessing about it.

Yep, it's a self-fulfilling prophesy man. It's also real easy to say don't obsess about it when you've never experienced it. I know I used to just say, forget about it and just do it. Now that I've experienced what you describe for yourself, the best advice I can give is forget about it and just do it. Just go with it and do the best you can. And don't place the success or failure of your love making on the prowess of your prick. There are many, many other ways to satisfy your lady.

This brings up another point I need to make again. You must communicate with your girlfriend about this. She needs to know it's not her and then she needs to support you. That will take the pressure off of you and help break the cycle. The best help for overcoming these kind of issues is the support of a loving partner.

If I'm still having problems, I'll pick up a cock ring (and may regardless). I really appreciate the support and advice from you guys.

Do it, regardless of any issues. Cockrings are great and even if you don't use one all the time, they can be fun.

As I understand the info on the viagra, it basically just increases the blood flow down there, right? Are there foods I could eat that increase circulation (just generally or there specifically)? I'd prefer to aim for more natural (and less expensive) method of improving that kind of thing, and better circulation never hurt.

Cardiovascular health is a key to fighting ED and a healthy sex life. I know I drove both into the ground over the last couple years, and the best thing I did was change my diet and exercise. Exercise really is a key. Sex is a competitive sport. The more I work out and prepare the better I perform on the ice and in the bedroom. It sounds cliche but taken from a middle aged man, it really makes a difference.

As for foods and herbal supplements that increase male potency, I just don't buy into them. I suppose foods high in antioxidants and other things that promote good cardiovasular health would theoretically make a difference, but they'll never be as effective as taking a walk for an hour a day. Exercise is the key. Look great, feel great, fuck great. Well, get a good start anyway.

Keep posting I wanna hear you've got things rolling in the right direction without using the Viagra as a crutch.

 

[Sturmekaiser]

Alright update time: I used the viagra spaced out over about a month and that worked fairly well. What I did notice was this: For about 24 hours after I took one, the pill had a noticeable effect, and generally for about another 24 hours after that, it was still pretty easy to get and maintain an errection. After that windows though, it was still difficult. I started taking Vitamin E supplements (to help with circulation), and I've been making my way to the gym about once a week for an hour to two. Since Friday, I've been fully cutting caffeine from my diet (previously, it was not uncommon for me to consume something in the rnage of 60 to 120 ounces of Dr Pepper a day)

However, in the past few days, I've noticed that frequently, unless actively stimulated by something, I'm just not getting horny. I don't know if it's because my girl has been getting me off almost daily, or what, but I find I can't even focus on fantasizing, because my brain transitions away almost immediately to something non-sexual. On monday, she texted me wanting sex, and while I got hard initially, it faded fairly quickly, and I didn't even particularly feel the need to cum. It was just kinda like "Oh well." That lack of need to get off is the same sensation I've experienced most of the other times I've had 'engine trouble.'

Any thoughts as to cause/solutions with this further info?

 

[SweetErika]

I'd suggest talking to your doctor about what you've experienced during this trial period, especially given your lifestyle. Whether you were drinking diet or regular Dr. Pepper, it's possible it screwed with your system to the point where you need to look at other potential causes for your lower libido and ED. The chemicals in diet pop can cause all sorts of problems, and obviously the amount of sugar and other crap in regular pop could cause things like Type 2 diabetes. It's great that you're off of the pop and making lifestyle changes, but now it's probably time to see if your previous habits have caused any damage.

 

[Sturmekaiser]

Figured I'd go ahead and throw the update on here, just for completeness:

Okay, so since the problem didn't seem to be primarily psychological, I spoke with my doctor about it some more. He did some blood tests, and found that my testerone level was at about 130. As a 27 year old male, I'm told it should be average of about 450. There was some concern that it was a pituitary cancer, but fortunately, that turned out not to be the case. While the endocrinologist (I'm sure I misspelled that) is unsure of the cause, he does have me on a testosterone therapy which has helped a great deal (though he's starting me on very small increments to avoid what he described as basically having a second puberty).

Just thought I'd post how it turned out.

 

[SweetErika]

Figured I'd go ahead and throw the update on here, just for completeness:

Okay, so since the problem didn't seem to be primarily psychological, I spoke with my doctor about it some more. He did some blood tests, and found that my testerone level was at about 130. As a 27 year old male, I'm told it should be average of about 450. There was some concern that it was a pituitary cancer, but fortunately, that turned out not to be the case. While the endocrinologist (I'm sure I misspelled that) is unsure of the cause, he does have me on a testosterone therapy which has helped a great deal (though he's starting me on very small increments to avoid what he described as basically having a second puberty).

Just thought I'd post how it turned out.

Thanks for the update! I'm glad you had the courage to get it checked out and hopefully the testosterone supplementation will resolve the issue.

Oh, and you spelled endocrinologist correctly.

 

[dapimpnut]

hey just tryin to get at

 

[kamehameha]

Recently I started going out with a girl who I find quite cute. We started having sex last Wednesday and things have been going fairly well in that department. However, last night, I couldn't stay hard once we started having sex. And it was like my whole body just wasn't interested, cause I didn't even feel horny once it happened, it was just like "bam, shutdown." I've had a cough for the past week, but it hasn't previously affected our sex. I did just start taking Mucinex DM for it, I don't know if that has any active ingredients that could be causing this effect.

I'm not sure why it's happening, and I'm finding it really embarrassing. Please toss me some suggestions, internet.

This is actually an update of a question I asked previously, but I figured providing more information might be helpful.

Not having sex for a few days (3 we wound up waiting) seemed to help for that time, but she wants sex FREQUENTLY. Like, twice a day is common, and 3 times a day is not terribly unusual. The problem isn't getting hard initially, it's staying that way. Typically after insertion, after a few minutes, I just go soft, and I would describe the feeling as just... not even feeling like I need to ***. Though I do then feel terrible cause I can see the disappointment in her eyes. And that actually is starting to make it a vicious cycle, where I'm so stressed about whether I'm going to suddenly go soft or not, that I almost assuredly do.

I dunno what I can do about this. I'm somewhat embarrassed about the idea of having to go to a doctor and being like "Hi, I'm 27 and I need some viagra" but I'm getting pretty close to going for that because I'm so frustrated by this.

I'm still getting my girlfriend off with tongue and fingers, incidentally, but she really wants me in her, and at this point I'm so freaked out by the possibility that I'll go soft that I'm like "no." Also, any suggestions to calm myself down mentally and not spend the entire time stressing about it would help.

More info (sorry for the disorganized post): I'm 27, and I've been a sexually active for the last decade (coming up almost on the day, actually). I've not previously had any problems in this department. I'm not in great shape, but I am working out. I don't use any drugs, and I rarely drink. Prior to me and this girl going out, I did have a 2 month porn spree where I was frequently watching porn.

Don't get viagra! You shouldn't even consider it unless you really do need it, and I highly doubt you do. There are so many other non-prescribed alternatives that can work better and aren't as strong as viagra is!

Firstly, I do understand most of your problem. When my boyfriend and I first started going out he'd go limp multiple times even when he was incredibly turned on, or even with hand jobs or other acts, and would literally have to force himself to come. We did figure it was nerves (and they passed not too long afterwards), however it frustrated him to no end and not making a big deal about it is probably the best thing a person can do.

Having discussed it though we came to the following conclusions for cause:

1. The condoms: The ones we were using at the time were awful and he couldn't feel a thing. Since changing them/being on the pill there was a dramatic difference.

2. Porn: Read this article, my bf showed it to me and it seemed very interesting: http://yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do
And what my boyfriend was go cold turkey on the porn AND masturbation for a couple of weeks, to 'reset' and try masturbating without the porn. And let me tell you, I very much think the change is incredible.

3. Other libido 'boosts' that isn't viagra: Got to say, mine thought he needed it too, but was warned against it and has been experimenting with 'Horny Goat Weed' I don't know if it has other names in other countries but he's been on it for the past week or so and started by taking 2-3 tablets a day, that got him so ragingly hard even I could tell the difference! Obviously you don't want to have to rely on it so he's gone down to 1 a day and will be on and off them to see how it goes. Even with the 1, it's significant.

4. More foreplay: Another thing that really did work wonders is spending more time just with foreplay, for the sake of foreplay. Don't rush it to get to the sex. In my own relationship we both love foreplay as much as sex itself so it's just a bonus with us. However everyone is different and many people can get impatient. Also, if you can during the foreplay, attempt to get to the point of almost coming, and then stop or slow down so it recedes, then build it up again, and stop/slow down again. By the time you get to penetration, you should be highly sensitised and have no problems at all.

The other thing is that it has everything to do with your mindset/psychology. Obviously if you're stressing about it, then you're just going to remain stressed about it and nothing will happen. "Don't think about elephants"... have you ever heard of Ironic Process Theory? This is probably going to be the most difficult factor to overcome, because nobody can just change the way they think. This is where your girlfriend comes in (and in my honest opinion, it's also a good way to see if they're a keeper based on their actions). If your girlfriend is as highly sexual as I am, she shouldn't be disappointed if she can still get off during. This is somewhat selfish, is not fair to you, and you're going to have to discuss this with her. She wants you IN her all the time, but what is she doing to help you achieve that? This is a two-way street and for you to be concerned about both your pleasure and her own is quite frankly very unhealthy. I don't want to sound too harsh or judgemental on her character as I don't know her or you personally, but she has to understand that this is highly frustrating for you, and if it were her that couldn't stay wet/get off, she'd feel the same way—I can tell you right now.

Hope I could be of help, and do update us to let us know how it goes!
Good luck!

 

[good_omens]

Figured I'd go ahead and throw the update on here, just for completeness:

Okay, so since the problem didn't seem to be primarily psychological, I spoke with my doctor about it some more. He did some blood tests, and found that my testerone level was at about 130. As a 27 year old male, I'm told it should be average of about 450. There was some concern that it was a pituitary cancer, but fortunately, that turned out not to be the case. While the endocrinologist (I'm sure I misspelled that) is unsure of the cause, he does have me on a testosterone therapy which has helped a great deal (though he's starting me on very small increments to avoid what he described as basically having a second puberty).

Just thought I'd post how it turned out.

Thanks for updating this thread. This was really helpful to see what your symptoms were and the result. Pretty crazy situation. Hope the therapy goes well.

 

[Eilan]

Hope I could be of help, and do update us to let us know how it goes!
Good luck!

He did. In post 18.

 

[Sturmekaiser]

I have to say, I must express a certain reluctance at the idea of taking something called "horny goat weed." Doesn't sound medically approved