need some help

[dark rayne]

well first off i don't know if this is how to question or not so forgive me if it isn't
Me and my so have been getting to the tieing up and sub thing and i want to get him a mask to wear but he a little uncomfortable about he a little scared and i want to some how make him feel it okay or should i just let it go.
thanks for all the advice.
dkrayne

 

[Missingmeds]

Try a blindfold first. No gag, just a blindfold.

 

[Kemet]

 

[dark rayne]

i've done blind foldes his kind of alright with it but when i want to step it up and get a mask he tires and change the subject. when i try and ask him why he said its because of a movie. i don't know maybe i should just drop it. But even when i said i would be the sub and were the mask he still doesn''t want to do it.]
dk rayne

 

[Guest]

Do you know which movie? What part that turned him off to it? Have you seen it?
Has he really expressed why he wont? or has he only said "the movie"?
All these questions to ask...How much talking have you 2 actually done about it? As far as sit down and say "Why not" and get it out of him completely..maybe there is an underlying fear..

I know my SO has been against it, I'm slowly working him in to it...little hints of things I want done...starting with a soft approach. He is afraid of the idea, afraid of overstepping.

Hope it all works out for you!

 

[MMorJon]

what ever happened to "no means no"?

 

[Guest]

what ever happened to "no means no"?

Sometimes people say "no" when they do not understand something. I told my SO "no" to watching porn for a long time, I didn't understand what it did for him...Now we watch it together. It took me getting passed that.

If after all is said and done the person still says no, we need to respect that. But we do have a right to try and see what the reason is..IMO

 

[CelticFrog]

Hm. The reason is he feels uncomfortable with it.

Good enough reason for me.

Is he afraid of something else in the relationship?

That can transfer in.


Ang

 

[Missingmeds]

Try posting this same question on the BDSM board and see what answers that you get.

They might have more and even better suggestions than we do here.

I would also ask him what movie, because it might give you some insight into why it scares him.

 

[Noor]

when i try and ask him why he said its because of a movie. i don't know maybe i should just drop it. But even when i said i would be the sub and were the mask he still doesn''t want to do it.]
dk rayne

It sounds like he has some bad assocaitions with a mask so I think you should let it go. Even if you did eventually wear him down he might freak with he saw the mask. He also might associate you with his feelings about the mask if you keep bothering him about it. He now knows without uncertainty what you would like, so I suggest you drop it and stop trying to pressure him, you may hurt him and also hurt your relationship.

I don't like being tied up, I have very strong feelings about it to the point where sometimes it makes it difficult for me to keep a willingly tied up lover tied up. I prefer mind control.

Also with me if someone tries to pressure me or persistently persuade me to do something I am not into, I dig in my heel and won't even consider it whereas if I was not being pressured I might say no but later if I felt better about it ask to do it.

I like MMorJon's answer too
-what ever happened to "no means no"?

 

[strgzr1230]

I consider myself to be fairly submissive and pretty open minded. But the mask thing just totally turns me off. I also saw a scene in a movie(one of the Buttman flicks) that just did me in on the mask thing. In the scene the girl was TOTALLY fucked up on drugs of some monstrous proportions and was really degraded and treated roughly. I am sure this goes along with the BDSM scene the movie was portraying but it was a little too strong for my tastes. Sometimes when you have that negative mental picture, It's hard to get rid of it! Good luck.

 

[ABN_Ranger]

Betcha the movie in question is "Pulp Fiction"

J