Need some help with a story opening

[psyburn21]

I've been working on this story and I'm trying to figure out part of my opening. Here's the basic scenario. The there may be evidence that a husband’s wife is cheating on him from a video that the wife sent to him. There's a third party in the form of the husband's mother that heavily involved in the story with the end of this scene and the lead-in to the next scene is the mother goes to where the wife is staying to find out what exactly what the wife's up to. What I want some feedback on is the events that lead to the mother going. I have two ideas for this.

• The husband and mother watch the video. The husband suspects something's wrong but doesn't want to confront the wife with it directly over the phone or travel to where the wife currently living for educational purposes (she's attending a university overseas) and also can't take time off from work to travel. He asks his mother who frequently travels that area on business and is part of the reason why the wife's attending school there. Though the mother tells him that he needs to speak with his wife, she eventually agrees to go in his place. This is the original idea and I feel it does a very good job building up the insecurities that plague the husband's character.
• The mother finds the video while checking the mail for her son who's away working. She watches the video and decides to not involve the husband right away as she doesn't want him getting upset and go to check on the wife. In this scenario, the mother can be seen either as someone selfless and trying to watch out for her son or as someone meddling in her son's affairs depending on the perspective but does very little to cast the son as insecure in his relationship with his wife.

I’ve gotten opinions on both from two different major influences. One is the insecurities angle is better while the other is considered more believable given the normal reaction to a cheating spouse. At this point, I’m not sure which one to go with so I’m looking different opinions on this.

 

[Verdad]

These seem to me two different stories. Only you know which one you want to write, but if the husband is supposed to be in any way sympathetic or desirable, the first scenario doesn’t seem like a way to go. To my mind it sets up a horror story right there, and I’m already rooting for the wife to get as far away as possible from the creepy duo. The mom and son appear to me either as an Oedipal couple or as characters from some heavily patriarchal clan-ish setting, where the bride is the property of her entire new family.

 

[psyburn21]

These seem to me two different stories. Only you know which one you want to write, but if the husband is supposed to be in any way sympathetic or desirable, the first scenario doesn’t seem like a way to go. To my mind it sets up a horror story right there, and I’m already rooting for the wife to get as far away as possible from the creepy duo.

Horror? Didn't mean it to be horror, but I get the feeling that erotica horror is different from traditional horror.

The mom and son appear to me either as an Oedipal couple or as characters from some heavily patriarchal clan-ish setting, where the bride is the property of her entire new family.

Do you get that feeling from either scenario or just the first one? The mother and son are suppose to have a close relationship, but nothing as close as what you have indicated (though the wife does joke with the husband about him having oedipus complex in a scene after this). Is it so wrong for either the mother or the son to wonder why the wife is having an affair?

 

[Verdad]

Well, I didn’t say anything about right or wrong—I said (since I imagined it was what you wished to know) my reaction to the scenario.

This being Lit, though, I really have no idea what kind of story you’re writing. It might well be one in which mom, son, wife, and the milkman have an orgy, in which case any comment about ‘creepy’ misses the point!

My reaction is valid only if you’re writing a story with a modicum of realism and if it’s your objective to make the husband sympathetic/attractive to the reader. In that case, it’s certainly neither wrong nor weird for him to wonder what’s up with his wife, but what kind of a person enlists parental help with that? What does it say about him?

If that’s irrelevant to the kind of story you’re writing, though, please disregard.

 

[psyburn21]

Well, I didn’t say anything about right or wrong—I said (since I imagined it was what you wished to know) my reaction to the scenario.

You right. My apologies on that.

This being Lit, though, I really have no idea what kind of story you’re writing. It might well be one in which mom, son, wife, and the milkman have an orgy, in which case any comment about ‘creepy’ misses the point!

Its erotica, though I'm holding out most of the story that I have so far in this case since I wanted comments on this particular part of my story and nothing more. I can see where the context could easily be lost without the details before and after this scene.

My reaction is valid only if you’re writing a story with a modicum of realism and if it’s your objective to make the husband sympathetic/attractive to the reader. In that case, it’s certainly neither wrong nor weird for him to wonder what’s up with his wife, but what kind of a person enlists parental help with that? What does it say about him?

If that’s irrelevant to the kind of story you’re writing, though, please disregard.

The whole idea of the original scene was to make him appear insecure and timid in that he doesn't what to confront his wife about the relationship. He is also obsessed with work so that also factors in. There's some realism to that I think, though its a negative view.

I still want you to explain what exactly you meant by horror. I was intrigued by that.

 

[Verdad]

I’m afraid that was about all I had to say. But maybe someone shows up with more affinity for the question, and if not, it’s usually best to follow your vision. Best of luck.