Need some advise in the BJ area.

[SpankMyMonkey]

I hope my friends at Lit can help me with this one.

My wife and I enjoy sex a lot. However my wife is really bad at giving blowjobs. In fact she has never been able to make me cum orally. Before I was married I was with other women who could "perform" feat of wonder with my cock; so I know it is not me. I want to help her but don't want to hurt her feelings. She does try very hard but is most unsuccessful.

Here is the tricky part, how do I help her learn.

PORN IS OUT.

We have tried the joy of sex and more joy of sex. She does not seem to get it. I told her to ask one of her girl friends, she said she would be to embraced. What other avenues are there?

So what do I do?....Please help anyone.

 

[AttentionWhore]

You need to quit comparing her to the other women who have sucked your dick to completion. Not to be a creature, but that alone can make her feel self conscious and make her lose concentration. Tell her when you like what she's doing and go from there...

Telling her about "all the women before her" CAN and WILL hurt her feelings.

 

[SpankMyMonkey]

I think that you misunderstood...

I encourage my wife. I never speak about the past, I learned that when I was much younger. I was simply wanting to make the point that I am fully functional.

We have worked through this together, and are still trying to work through it, but I have come to a dead end in what I should do to help out.

Please don't think that I am some kinda pig, I am only trying to get resource suggestions from this group.

 

[guest1977]

Seem to recall there being a number of threads on this board regarding bj's and tricks to use.

The search option might help you further.

Just have her read them from the safety and anonimity of her own home. It might help put her at ease.

Course she could try practising on one of her own fingers. I know it sounds strange, but perhaps the sensory sensations she feels then, might help her understand what she is doing, when she is doing you. (if you'll pardon my rather crass word choices.)

Second stage could be a banana, least that's what one of my female friends suggest. This in regards to the gag reflex, though that seems to me to be a secondary and less important side-issue.

Seeing how not every woman can control that reflex, nor can every man be deep throated.

 

[hogjack]

This might help

You can control external bleeding by direct pressure, indirect (pressure points) pressure, elevation, digital ligation, or tourniquet.

That's all the advice I can give at this time. We've just been called to another location.

Good luck you two.

Regards,

Hogjack
Emergency Medical Technician and Oral Sex Expert

 

[Wifeylicious]

Hey, Spank...let me tell you something about BJs from a wife's point of view, okay? :-D First of all, I never liked giving blow jobs until I met my husband. I just couldn't bring myself to do it for some reason. Now, however, I love it...it turns me on like crazy. My current problem is with swallowing and we're working through it together. My Hubby is patient, thank goodness, but I'm working through some invisible problem that I didn't even know was existent. Maybe your wife is going through something similar. I don't know what the issue is. I just know that I want to make my husband feel as good as possible. I'm sure yours wants the same for you. Talk to her, a LOT. Support is extremely important. Does she read Literotica, too? If not, introduce her to it!

 

[SpankMyMonkey]

hogjack - thanks for the advise...I think!.

Wifeylicious - as well thanks.

I know that she is trying and trying very hard to please. I am a very oral person and love to please my wife. I can pleasure her very easilya dn she enjoys that. I think that maybe she is trying to hard. I have suggested things like lit but my wife is very close-minded when it comes to stuff like that.

Patience I have tried, and patience I will continue.

 

[OnyxEros]

Hey spank have you ever tried equating oral sex to some other common activity?

I.E. asking your wife to go down on you like she would eat a banana
or
when you go down on her put your finger in her mouth and let her suck on it

Then when you are making love to her you can say something to the effect of "show me how you would taste me" and have her suck on your finger as you two make love

just some ideas
O

 

[Cirrus]

Listen to a woman with the same problem...I never knew I gave terrible head until my ex told me. He didn't say it in so many words, but I could tell, both from the results or lack of, and from what he was saying, that there was a key concept I was missing.

He finally gave me an ultimatum one day...it was kind of in fun even though I knew he meant it. I didn't cum until he did. So I worked...and worked...and worked...and finally got it.

The key there was suction. Sucking a dick is just that...sucking on it. A lot of women are, like I was, afraid to suck too hard. That's almost not possible. Up until that point, I had just kind of been sliding my mouth up and down.

Tell her to suck. That might do it.

 

[Autoguy]

Cirrus, you can suck my dick anytime, with suction of course

 

[Guest]

Cirrus - thanks for the advise I will try that. I know that part of this comes from my wife lack of experience and inhibition to ask for help. I will try sugesting your advise.

Thanks.

 

[HomoMAN]

So why do all things need to be frpm one [erson?

Hey ,
have you ever thought of a fantastic Blow Job just for the fun of it from a true cock sucking artist that is not your Wife ?There are alot of fags who love to get down and suck and do expert Deep throated slow long and lusfull head to you ! And love it so much u don't even need to recipricate or compensate, and you find incredible skill and talent all thats in appreciation of your cock only as a thing to worship.

 

[watergirl]

some silly ideas

well... i think i used to give lousy head. no one ever said so, but - i think so... because I was inexperienced, and was nervous, and not sure what to do, and thought it was gross.

Somehow, this summer - i got much better. MUCH much better... I think because, I've outgrown the grossness, and I really find it a turn on... how much it turns a guy on, how good I can make them feel, how much noise I can coax out of them...

Lots and lots of wet. Can't be too wet - I read that somewhere, and it seems to be true... lube, for me, it's all mine, but maybe your wife would like something flavored?

buy her a box of pretzel rods, and if she's on one of those wacky no carb diets, tell her to just enjoy sucking the salt off of them...

maybe you should suck her fingers the way you'd like her to suck you?

have fun, i hope!

 

[bharman4102]

Re: some silly ideas

well... i think i used to give lousy head. no one ever said so, but - i think so... because I was inexperienced, and was nervous, and not sure what to do, and thought it was gross.

Somehow, this summer - i got much better. MUCH much better... I think because, I've outgrown the grossness, and I really find it a turn on... how much it turns a guy on, how good I can make them feel, how much noise I can coax out of them...

Lots and lots of wet. Can't be too wet - I read that somewhere, and it seems to be true... lube, for me, it's all mine, but maybe your wife would like something flavored?

buy her a box of pretzel rods, and if she's on one of those wacky no carb diets, tell her to just enjoy sucking the salt off of them...

maybe you should suck her fingers the way you'd like her to suck you?

have fun, i hope!

well.....after reading this......feeling lightheaded, blood is definitely flowing away from my brain... would love to hear what you did this summer to get so much better!

 

[watergirl]

what i did last summer

was become single for the first time in almost 5 years!

and went right back to my wicked ways, but with a more adventurous and adult mindset.

good fun has been had by all!

 

[SeattleBoy]

My two cents

Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but have you tried to instruct her while she's down on you? You have to remember that she doesn't have a dick, thus she may have only a general idea of what you like, and no idea as to how you like it. Forget about the porn movies or having her ask her friends. She needs to get advise from you. It's your cock she's sucking and since she's not a mind reader, simply give her some direction while she's down on you.

I had the same issue with my last girlfriend, and what made it change was my willingness to tell her what to do (and I don't mean in general terms. Be very specific and detailed). You might feel kind of funny giving her instructions while shes sucking you off, but get over it. She will very likely be appreciative, not to mention that once you learn to TALK TO EACH OTHER during sex, other things will improve as well.

 

[Noor]

Uhmmm Just this week a girlfriend and I were discussing blow job philosophy. She got hers from her mom which is look at bjs as if you are eating a melting ice cream cone and you don't want to miss a lick. Mine has been more of a getting an incredible cold cream ( creme la mer or something) from the bottom of the tube and smearing all over your face, neck, and breasts. Maybe she needs a good philosophy.

A few thoughts:

Some women don't want to give blow jobs to completion because they DON'T want a guy to come in their mouths, it is not the taste so much as the fear of being suffocated, and if they never have done it they really don't know the signs of when the guy is going to come. I suggest trying it with condoms (unlubed taste better or favored) and see if that is part of the problem.
Another possibility is taste, condoms can help with that but so can whipped cream and strawberry jam.
Finally since my last car accident where I broke my neck I have been absolutely terrified of my lovers grabbing or manipulating my neck in any manner, I find wrist restraints help with that.

So to sum it all up-use condoms, tasty sweet food, and get yourself tied up (might as well be blindfolded to so she won't think how silly she looks) and I am sure she will feel comfortable enough to do a great job.

 

[pw27]

Not to sound trite but have you tried telling her what you like and showing her? I never gave a bj until I met my DH, he tells me what he does and doesn't like. He tells me I'm very good at it now...getting in lots of practice always helps.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Is it clean??? I mean most women do not want to suck let alone lick a cock if it has been inside sweaty underpants all day and has only had the pee flicked off it, not washed off. A smell and taste that is offensive to some does build up after a few hours.

Also try telling her what you want in a sexy manner not a teaching manner while she is doing it.... "That's it baby, suck a bit harder." "Oh yeah you licking round the edge of my head is very horny."

 

[naughtygrrrlie]

At this point, your wife may feel insecure or at least inadequate because she is unable to please you in that way. Let her know there is NO pressure on her whatsoever. Even if she can't complete the act. Any practice helps. Also, relaxation is an important factor. I would recommend a few drinks or a mellow recreational drug of choice. Tell her to think of it as the deepest french kiss possible. Tell her to kiss you with the same passion she tongue-kisses you. Don't worry about the sucking off part yet. That all comes in time, but I have been able to bring my man to orgasm without any sucking at all. Sometimes you can just do it with a nimble and relentless tongue. Hope this helps. Everyone should get orally satisfied (or at least highly stimulated).

P.S. Even if you get exasperated, don't show it to her. It will set things back if she feels any more uncomfortable with it.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

The key there was suction. Sucking a dick is just that...sucking on it. A lot of women are afraid to suck too hard. That's almost not possible.
Tell her to suck. That might do it.

OMG!! Finally...... a topic near and dear to my heart!
Cirrus is correct, suction is THE key factor in giving good head. Or at least that's what I've been told.
As for practicing; well, forget the banana and such. I say go for the real thing! Nothing beats the real thing Baby! [sorry, being cheeky there]
Seriously, its my experience that when going down on a man, to remember that I am making love to his cock with my mouth. So therefore, I do everything I can do to give him pleasure. Just as I would if I was using my pussy. I watch my man to see his reactions to certain ways I suck and tease, and when I see something that really turns him on, I use that along with my sucking, licking, and kissing. MY-Sir is turned on when I look up at him while I am licking and kisssing his cock. HE has told me that HE loves the look I give him. Maybe its one of deep desire. I dunno. >>>shrugs<<<
As for being able to swollow HIS cum, well no problem there. But I must add that HIS cum is pleasant tasting and I enjoy taking his necter in my mouth.
So, there you go, Boys and Girls. My take on giving head. I LOVE IT! My only advise is practice, practice, and....... practice some more! Good luck and happy sucking!


-kym- Aiming for perfection thru practice!


edited because its too damn early to be thinking clearly!

 

[SpankMyMonkey]

I have been reading all your responses and taking everything into my kBase. Things have to move slow with her, but I will not loose site.

Thanks LIT gang!

Bump
Bump
Lick

Spank

 

[PsychoMantis]

I'm not gay or anything but I honestly feel girls suck at blow jobs. If I could show them how I would suck a "member" it would be freaking amazing cause I know how I would want it done even if I can't do it. Hell, if I could do it why would I be typing right now i'd be busy........
......


....

ok maybe not but it's a running gag.

 

[Lust Engine]

I'm not gay or anything but I honestly feel girls suck at blow jobs. If I could show them how I would suck a "member" it would be freaking amazing cause I know how I would want it done even if I can't do it. Hell, if I could do it why would I be typing right now i'd be busy........

ok maybe not but it's a running gag.

Okay... that's a wonderful attitude toward HOW a gal is supposed to give you a blow job. Of course you know how YOU want your cock to feel... it's yours!!! What about communicating to your lover as to how you want it done? Afterall something's still got to be said for a lover even trying; the rest is up to you now to communicate what works & what doesn't.

Some support...sheesh.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

I'm not gay or anything but I honestly feel girls suck at blow jobs

Gee, I thought that was what we were supposed to do!!!
SUCK IT!!