Need Ideas

[Chicky__]

Hi Guys,

I posted this yesterday but I added a new paragraph below that has some more details of what I'm asking.

I'm new to this so here we go. I'm 20 yrs old and dating the love of my life for just over a yr now. I've never been able to orgasm nor have I ever felt much with him or in the past. He's been aware of this but its only really become clear in the past few months. I stared seeing a therapist and I'm pretty sure that its justa psychological thing as Inever really took thetime to masturbate or get to know myself as a sexual person. Anyways, while I'm doing these things and trying to figure this out our sex life has been on the back burner. He doesn't enjoy anything bc he thinks Im not enjoying anything ( as he now knows I used to pretend) and he can never finish either. We're in such a hard place and its really tearing us apart. I need to know how to help him as Im starting to finally enjoy things!! I'm pretty scared about trying new things and I don't really know where to start. I want to become more adventurous and I want to excite him again. He's not into me making thigns about him..he wants it to be the both of us enjoying things. Please please please help me... I don't want to lose him and I want us to experience all those crazy intimate sexual experiences.
Thanks guys!

Part II:
I have tried a vibrator...it feels great but I still can't go...I think I hae such a hard time psychologically connecting to what's going on..because after awhile ym nerves get so sensitive bc they're so stimulated that I can't keep going but mentally I'm a little bit behind that...and no oral doesn't really work for me either at the moment but i have high hopes. Mainly, I just need to figure out a way to help him...I don't mind dealing with this and being frustrated but its just been months and months of this and he doesn't know what to do...He says he's just too nervous and can't stop thinking about that its not good for me and I try and reassure him as best as Ic an but it doesn't work... He keeps saying he can't physically keep doing this andI understand bc its really been like months since we'vehad sex and he's managed to get off. I want him to feel wanted bc i love him and I think he's so sexy...my lack of sex drive came from my frustrations not from my feelings towards him. I've tried to explain this to him but it doesn't work...any ideas guys?? or ladies for that matter.

Big thanks to anyone who replies!

 

[PublicAffection]

Hun, it sounds like you are too nervous about this whole thing. Maybe you need to stop concentrating on it so much and just go have fun with him. Go on a date. Go see a movie. Enjoy eachother and see what happens. Find the intamacy of your relationship, and let sex happens as it happens. It won't be enjoyable for either of you if it is a big production.

My advice is to relax. Go get massages together. Go for long walks. Put more focus on how much you love eachother, and less focus on the mechanics of sex. I think as you relax and realize that this too shall pass, things will become more of a natural progression.

And rather than pretending to enjoy things when they do happen, find pleasure in pleasing him. Instead of saying, "It's ok that I don't feel anything... go ahead and do me"... say to him (and yourself) that "It pleases me beyond measure to pleasure you."

 

[Chicky__]

I know we really do just need to relax...he just seems so past the point of doing those other intimate thigns bc he's so sexually frustrated. I want to please him and I want to be with him. I just don't know how to help him relax and trust me that there's nothing to be nervous about. Thanks for your reply!

 

[PublicAffection]

You're welcome. Let me know if you have any other questions, I have plenty of opinions to pass around.

 

[SweetErika]

Chicky, just so you know, when you want to make changes to a post (e.g. adding a paragraph), you don't have to start a new thread.

Instead, you click the 'Edit' button on the post you want to change (it's often in the lower right-hand corner of the post). That'll take you to a screen with your post in the text box, and you can add/delete the info you want. You can fill in the 'Reason' field, or put 'ETA:' (Edited to Add) or 'Edit:' by the text you added/changed if you want, so people know what difference to look for when they're reading your post.

When you're done making changes, click the 'Save Changes' button (I think that's what it says) at the bottom of the post, and your edited version will appear on the next screen.

Also, check out the "FAQs Before Posting" sticky thread at the top of the main How To forum page. There's lots of info on getting started and doing common tasks in there.

I hope that helps.

 

[Chicky__]

oh okay cool thanks!!

 

[sunandshadow]

I sometimes have that 'nerves are aroused to the point of sensitivity but mind is lagging behind problem'. It can be for a few reasons. 1 if I am falling asleep, if I can't stop thinking about some unrelated topic or worry, if I am distracted by the room being too bright or background noises, sometimes just having my eyes open at all is too distracting. 2 sometimes I just can't think of a good erotic fantasy, or my mind keeps skipping between ones that don't seem interesting at the moment. This second part is kind of what the story archive section of Literotica is all about, reading other's erotic stories is an easy way to explore what sort of things strike your mind as being erotic and get material for your own fantasies; some people like me connect best with stories, while others find movies or pictures to be more inspiring, and a lot of people are particularly inspired by celebrities such as musicians or characters in movies. Learning what pleases you physically is great, but learning what excites you mentally is also essential (and fun!)

 

[pleasurelife]

Try Tantra

Friend,
You may try Tantra Sex It explains the ways to achieve maximum pleasure for both the male and female. Good wishes.

 

[raniny]

I know kinda how you feel. I took it slow with my husband. We started "dating" again and now we could not be happier. I told him what was bothering me and it made things a lot easier. If you are in therapy did you think to include him in it in some way?

On the other hand sometimes it is best just to take over. Get him hard and "attack" him. You both may enjoy it.

 

[Frnkdracman]

My attempt to help

I've been with 3 virgins that I was their first so maybe I can offer some help. I'm not wanting to be one to promote under-age drinking (you are 20 yrs old?) but I do believe in its medicinal advantage of relaxing a person. I'm not talking about a bottle of Jack or an entire 6 pack of beer, just enough to take off the edge and relax. I would explain to bf what's up and tell him what you've told us and see if he is up to some play. If so, suggest to him that you would like to make him come, that way that pressure is off of him for the next step. After getting him to come he should be able to concentrate on you. You, on the other hand need to just relax and quit trying to "make it happen" I went through this with a girlfriend years ago. Once she pretty much gave up hope of ever having an orgasm (this was after several boyfriends) she told me she had given up hope and just wanted to make love and enjoy it w/o orgasm (she told me this up front so I wouldn't feel too pressured to make her come) Anyway, I told her that was fine but that I really wanted to taste her and eat her for my sake. And that's when it happened, she was just laying back thinking that she was merely pleasing me by letting me get off eating her and BAM! it happened! her first orgasm at age 24. She wasn't expecting it, wasn't even thinking about it and just let her mind drift and her body responded.
I've been with more than 20 different women (no 1 night stands btw) and I truely believe that patience, a relaxed atmosphere, and trust can make it happen for any woman. Not every time mind you, but most of the time. My motto when I was younger was "my girl always comes first" now my motto is she will come, sometimes before me, sometimes after, but she will come.
Another approach is to get yourself relaxed, go out and buy a good quality vibrator and just take your time. Don't pressure yourself, if it happens, it happens, if not enjoy the ride, batteries are cheap and try again later. I'm willing to bet that 99.9% of guys out there experienced their first orgasm alone!
Good Luck to both of you