need help

[sprfreak2002]

Almost 3 years ago I met my bf, great sex,the whole package. Imagine my delight when he told me his big bi secret. I loved it. The problem is he can't accept that part of himself and can't live without it. His solution for years has been speed. On speed he is submissive, open, honest. Bottomed out long before I met him, then weaned himself to every couple months. Sex is tangled with speed for him. I got it for him a few times but hated seeing the selfloathing that followed. It eventually affected my own selfimage. Made me feel perverted. I have done it with him so I understand how good it can be, but I don't need it(the speed). His ex has stepped in with a ready supply of it, I found out accidently. He swears he is sorry one second, and that he has nothing to apoligize for the next. He is the first to accept ALL of my sexuality, and tell me it was more than ok. Then he made me feel dirty for it. Since this is in the open, I have reclaimed myself. I know its possible to recover from an affair, how can I know if he is sincere about wanting to make it work? sign me, losing my bi boy and broken hearted

 

[firefighter02]

I guess in a way I can see where the use of an illegal substance may be an opportunity to allow oneself to be totaly uninhibited, much in the same way that some people feel that they can be what they want when taking part in a little good natured handcuffing to the bed. Because you have limited control over your actions and feelings, you then feel in your mind that you can not be held responsible for your actions.

Unfortunately as it may sound, I don't get the feeling that there is any indication that he wants to rid himself of the addiction to speed. I believe it is possible to be what he wants without the use of it, but does he have the mental strength, as well as the fortitued to stand up for himself and say, "ok, so Im bi and that is just who I am."

Much like an alcoholic, he feels that he needs to "loose control" of the situation to act the way he wants too.

My advice, is to let go and move on. Although certainly a "win-win" situation with you as he may or may not be the person sexually that turns you on, I believe that if he can only be that person while on speed then he is just fooling himself and you.

Best of luck
FF

 

[Limbhugger]

There are plenty of REAL men out there that are bi and that will accept all of you without infliciting the pain.

 

[sprfreak2002]

thank you

I have made arrangements to join a women's healing circle to gain strength for this next part. It seems as he is my drug of choice... Though I have a funny feeling I'm in danger of scaring everyone in it when, if, I tell them what IS more than ok with me. Thank you, for the kindness.

 

[midwestyankee]

Re: thank you

I have made arrangements to join a women's healing circle to gain strength for this next part. It seems as he is my drug of choice... Though I have a funny feeling I'm in danger of scaring everyone in it when, if, I tell them what IS more than ok with me. Thank you, for the kindness.

If the support group you attend can not listen to you without judgment, you will want to find a different support group.

Good luck. It sounds as if you have made a wise choice and I wish you well in carrying it out.

 

[Limbhugger]

Re: thank you

I have made arrangements to join a women's healing circle to gain strength for this next part. It seems as he is my drug of choice... Though I have a funny feeling I'm in danger of scaring everyone in it when, if, I tell them what IS more than ok with me. Thank you, for the kindness.

You own yourself dear. Good for you to take that step. And by what "IS" okay again relax, you'll find there are a lot of us "different" folks around.

 

[sprfreak2002]

I am both scared and exilerated by the thought of moving on. Here comes the tricky part though, he is away at work right now. I have 3 children who know him as dad and his 3 have become part of me. Am scared he will talk me out of leaving, because I honestly want him to. I just don't know what will happen next. What I want from him is a life together that nourishes both of us... If not, and this terrifies me, I want him to release his hold on me.

 

[Bobmi357]

Time for some tough love.

Tell him he has but two choices. Either immediately check into a rehab clinic, or leave with his kids.

You do not need to be associated with an addict and such close association will do more harm than good to your kids.

 

[sprfreak2002]

I've never left anyone before, guess I always assumed by the time it got to that the love was gone.