Need Help With A Story

[ReGats]

Okay, so I'm writing this story, as you do. I've got it's first draft finished; 36 pages long or where's-about. And? It's a friggin' mess. Like, I'd never give this to an editor. I need to deal with it first.

I wouldn't consider this truly bad, but it's got a lot of problems. The story is Fantasy / Lesbian, and is Pirate Adventure in non-sexy genres. Here's some of the problems.
The Sex is all located at the beginning of the story.
A character I had intended for a few things turned out to be completely pointless
A major adventure segment that I had intended is not even a fourth of the total length.
The main character is acting a bit obsessive, and I'm worried it's a bit much.
Important Backstory is likely unexplained in sufficient detail.

I write Fantasy/Lesbian works mostly, so keep that in mind. I'd love to just reveal everything about this, but that'd take up too much space. I know I don't want an editor for this, at least not yet. Besides, I've felt dubiously about editors ever since the person who volunteered for 'Black Pearls - Lily' did not pull in any sort of reigns and some... extremely weird sex ended up getting published.

Basically, I guess I'm looking for authorial suggestions for my problems. If you want to get more details or even look at the story in its current shape, you can just ask me.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

OK, without looking at it, I'd offer (but don't take me too seriously)...

If it's Pirate Adventure in a non-sexy genre, maybe the sex needs to be at the beginning. Sex first romance later, as Madame Gigi always said.

"Intent" kills stories. When you intend something for a story, you try to write to that, and the story becomes forced and artificial. It needs to write itself.

Maybe your main character needs to be obsessive for the story as it writes itself.

Perhaps the sex is the backstory, and you only think you need more (See my first note).

You might try printing out the story, bringing it with you to a sleazy waterfront bar and read it while you get stinking drunk. Leave the bar and stumble out to the end of the nearest pier and contemplate whether to throw the story or yourself into the oily waters. Throw the story in. Stumble home and open the file with the story. Delete every part, every word that seems a problem. Then put your fingers on the keyboard and let the story write itself.

Good luck and have fun.

 

[AuntyNym]

Maybe start with changing something small? When I do that, it tends to ripple out and become a major re-tightening. Like, maybe take that one pointless character you were talking about and get rid of them altogether. At the very least, you trim some fat, but maybe not having that character forces the other characters to make different choices and you find a better thread there.

As for the sex, maybe having it up front is a good idea. I know for myself, the reason I haven't posted any of my stories here is because I start out with an erotic concept but by the time I get through the back story and the setup, I've got a story to tell and there's no room for sex at all!

 

[SimonDoom]

It's impossible to answer this fully without knowing more about the story, but some thoughts:

1. Sounds like you're having some problems with focus. Like the story is all over the place. What do you like best about it? What's the overall story arc? What's the conflict? Is there a secondary story?

2. Who are the two or three most important characters? Are their motivations worked out? What is the conflict for each? How do you resolve the conflict?

3. When you've got these questions answered, then think about what needs to be deleted and what added to address them. Get rid of everything that's unnecessary -- pointless side stories, transitions, backstory that isn't essential.

4. If you need to add backstory, do so throughout the story, not at the beginning.

5. Concentrating sex at the beginning is OK as long as the story doesn't lead readers to think that's going to be the focus of the story and leaves them restless and disappointed at the end.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I'll toss in real quick.

Okay, so I'm writing this story, as you do. I've got it's first draft finished; 36 pages long or where's-about. And? It's a friggin' mess. Like, I'd never give this to an editor. I need to deal with it first.

First draft. It's right there. Your first draft shouldn't go to an editor. Your second draft maybe not either. You rewrite now, or trash it and start over.

I wouldn't consider this truly bad, but it's got a lot of problems. The story is Fantasy / Lesbian, and is Pirate Adventure in non-sexy genres.

It sounds like you mean it's a Fantasy Pirate adventure with lesbian characters. It either has sexual content or it doesn't. If it does (and you did clarify this), then tack Lesbian in there somewhere at the beginning. This comment about non-sexy genres doesn't fit if there's sexual content; the lesbian part doesn't fit if there isn't (lesbian becomes a character trait as opposed to something that drives the story or the reader should be aware of going in). This might sound like I'm nit-picking, but you should know by now what the story is in it's present form. It's one or the other.

In advance, I'm going to add numbers to each point so i don't have to keep inputting the "[]" and such.

Here's some of the problems.
--1-- The Sex is all located at the beginning of the story.
--2-- A character I had intended for a few things turned out to be completely pointless
--3-- A major adventure segment that I had intended is not even a fourth of the total length.
--4-- The main character is acting a bit obsessive, and I'm worried it's a bit much.
--5-- Important Backstory is likely unexplained in sufficient detail.

1. Is the sex the driving force behind the story. If it is, then you'll need to make changes; either move it (or some of it, the most... interesting parts) to the end if you can. If it's not, and the story and characters are the drive, then it shouldn't matter. If anything, the sex can occupy the reader until the plot, character development grips the reader to move forward.

2. If the character is a burden in current form then either refine to include said things (yes, perhaps it'll change the story entirely) or edit to remove said character. If the character is not burdensome, then decide whether or not you need to make any changes at all. The reader isn't aware of your intended plan. If said character works in the background, then change may not be needed at all.

3. Did the segment serve its purpose? if so, then it needs no change. If not, then change accordingly. It doesn't matter what you expected out of its length, just did it accomplish the task. If it did, and you make it longer, then you risk wasting the reader's time.

4. It depends on why you think this is a problem. The character can be obsessive if it moves the story. If the character has to be liked by the audience, then obviously you should be concerned, but there is also concern over why one might think the character has to be liked. If the story were mere smut, then a character with unlikable traits can be problematic (to the extent that no traits can often be better and are more likely in the event that smut is being written). In a driven story, the traits of the character are often far more important than its likability.

5. If the backstory is key, rewrite and clarify; if it's not, then consider the risk versus reward factors and consider what this changes about the story.

I know I don't want an editor for this, at least not yet. Besides, I've felt dubiously about editors ever since the person who volunteered for 'Black Pearls - Lily' did not pull in any sort of reigns and some... extremely weird sex ended up getting published.

Basically, I guess I'm looking for authorial suggestions for my problems. If you want to get more details or even look at the story in its current shape, you can just ask me.

A quick note: I'm guessing your editor for this "Lily" story was a volunteer. If I'm wrong, then dismiss this part. But if so, then remember the story isn't their responsibility at any point. You own the work, and it's a little unsettling that the responsibility of the final draft might be something you're putting on someone else's shoulders. That's your story. You posted it. Whatever makes the final draft, you have to own.

For what that's worth.

Q_C

 

[Handley_Page]

How many words do you call "36 pages", please.
It's better to talk of the "Word Count" as:-
[a] different pages can have a different number of words, and
a Lit pages is worth about 3700 (give or take a few).