Need Help/Advice/Support! Please Help!

[StacyCD39]

I'm new here, and I'm in desperate need of some help/advice/support.

I'm a happily married man, and I would never even entertain the idea of cheating on my wife, but I have a confession-I like to dress up in some of her clothes and role-play when I masturbate.

I like to wear her black bra from Victoria's Secret, a pair of her black panties or thongs (depending on my mood), a pair of her short shorts, and, most importantly, her six inch black spike heels. I feel so sexy when I get all dolled up, and it makes me incredibly horny!

There's more-I like to role play. I like to pretend my name is Stacy. I fantasize that I'm a dirty cum slut, and I'm servicing my sexy boyfriend with my bitch mouth. I use my wife's vibrator and suck it-I suck it like I'm starved for cock, and I'm parched for thick, salty cum.

I've even gone so far as to record myself talking dirty on my MP3 player. I like to get all whored up, suck that dildo, and pretend I'm getting fucked like a slut up my ass, loving every minute of it.

This past weekend, while driving home from the airport, I recorded myself pretending that I was a group of guys, and started making moaning sounds, and talking filthy and dirty. When I got home, I dolled myself up, got on hands and knees, sucked the dildo while I listened to what I recorded, and fantasized that I was the center of a bukkake party.

When I'm done, I lay on the bed, throw my legs in the air, and stare at those sexy fuck pumps I'm wearing and let my load fly, pretending my load is the fuck sauce from a pulsing cock. Sometimes I hit myself in the face, which only heightens my excitement.

I love my wife, and our sex life is great. We usually have sex at least three times a week, but I like to dress up and pretend that I'm a cocksucking cumslut while I masturbate. Is there something wrong with me? Am I cheating on my wife? Part of me feels guilty, like I'm a horrible, unfaithful husband, because I've never told her this, but the other part of me says that it's okay, it's only masturbating, (albeit taken to a whole level), and I'm not hurting anyone or my wife, since our sex life isn't lacking, and she doesn't fail to excite me. I have no desire to take it any farther, and in all honesty, I feel like I'm being unfaithful by even being here asking for help and advice.

Is there anything wrong with me?

 

[PantyGuy617]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact, you sound like the hottest person ever

 

[StacyCD39]

Wow! Thank you!

 

[Etoile]

Every part of what you describe is perfectly normal, and you're not cheating. Is this something you'd like your wife to be involved in, or would you rather keep it for yourself? How do you think she'd react if you told her?

 

[biguy79]

I agree with everyone else. Theres nothing wrong with what you are doing. Sounds like a regular thursday afternoon for me...without the mp3 player part. Nice touch by the way

 

[StacyCD39]

Thank you for your responses, Etoile and biguy! It's encouraging to know that I'm not cheating, because I truly do love my wife-she's my best friend, and I would never to anything to hurt her. I guess, for me, I struggle with the fact that I like to do it, but I was afraid I was being unfaithful.

As far as keeping it to myself or involving my wife, I struggle with that issue, also. There are so many times I came so close to telling her, but I backed out usually at the last minute. I'm deathly afraid of what her reaction would be.

Although, I'm beginning to think that perhaps, just maybe, she suspects something. I recall an instance of a 'Freudian Slip' when I said something along the lines of "Want to suck your dick". Immediately, I played it off like "I mean, my dick, sorry". Blaming it on exhaustion, etc.

I did have the courage once to tell her when we were making love and watching a porno that I'd suck the guys dick, if I was the girl. He was a beautiful, hung stud, with a nice clean shaven cock, being orally ravaged by a beautiful goddess in black heels. I confessed that I wished I was her, taking his shaft in my mouth, but since we were making love while watching it, I figured she played it off that I was in the throes of ecstasy, because she never brought it up.

Our marriage is very open and honest. I've told her my fantasy is to fuck her with another guy. I told her how I wanted to watch her to lay on her back and get fed a huge stick while I ate and fucked her pussy. She was into it, and she liked the idea, as a fantasy only, which is fine, but the next day she asked me point blank why another guy? She asked me if I was interested in doing that with a guy, and as badly as I wanted to tell her how much I would absolutely love sucking a cock with her, I couldn't do it. I wanted to tell her how much I've love for her to dress me, and her, up in the sexiest, sluttiest outfits and shoes, and use our mouths to please a hot guy; I wished I could tell her how hot it would be for both of us to be on our knees, watching his cock explode like a fountain, spraying us both in our faces, and turning to each other and kissing and licking it off. But I just couldn't do it.

Lately, when she masturbates me, she slides her hand down between my legs and gently tickles my crack. She knows I must like it, because she's done it quite a few times since the first time she did it, and I almost screamed in ecstasy. Again, I'd love to tell her to lube her finger and slide it inside me, but I'm afraid she'd think I was completely weird. Why does something that feels so beautiful and sexy and right for your body have to be such a struggle with accepting and sharing?

We were out to dinner about a month ago, and she said she was watching Oprah, and the episode was about a gay man who cheated on his wife, because he was too afraid to tell her he liked men. He was afraid of not being accepted, so he chose poorly, and went behind his wife's back, and was unfaithful. She asked me jokingly if I was gay, and I of course blew it off, because I don't love men, I love my wife. I'm not sexually attracted to men, but I do admit that I find cocks very, very sexy, especially when they're releasing their pleasure into a beautiful goddess' waiting mouth, or onto her face and tits.

Her reply to my response was surprising. She said that if I ever became aware I was gay, to let her know before I did anything behind her back, that we could end the marriage amicably, and still be very good friends.

I love her, truly, deeply, and with all my heart, and I would never to anything to hurt her, I could never take it to another level, never go behind her back and go find some guy to live out my fantasy with. It's not even an option.

But that's why I'm afraid to share this with her, I'm afraid it would hurt her. She's a wonderful woman, and she does not deserve to be hurt. I'm afraid she'd look at me with contempt and disgust. I'm afraid it would destroy the life we've built together. We've been married almost fourteen years, and have four beautiful, wonderful, happy, healthy children. I don't want to jeopardize any of that because I shared some crazy, kinky fetish/fantasy I have.

I kind of feel like Spider-Man that way. Like this wonderful blessing of truly enjoying myself and role-playing my slutty fantasy when I masturbate is so pleasurable, but it's also a curse, because it's something I can never share, and it's my burden to bear alone.

I'm so very sorry that this post was so long, and I truly appreciate those who bothered to stick it out and read the entire thing. I've just never, ever shared any of this with anyone, and I've been holding this in for so long, it just feels so good to get it off my chest, and out into the open.

I'm just very comforted to know that I'm not cheating on her when I dress up in sexy clothes and shoes and role-play when I masturbate.

 

[Toontweeker]

Hi Stacy. I admire you for caring about your partner so much. I think your worrying a bit to much though. From your last post, it seems she's reading the signs your putting out pretty well and just waiting for you to come out with just how far your willing to go. I have been bi for many years and I have never hid that fact from my long term female relationships. Some of them were very turned on and would even take the lead and use dildos on me. My current g/f loves it when I go down on her and squirted for the first time in her life with me, one thing I did was to use that to my advantage.
I love creampies and early on in our relationship I would always be sure to get her off orally before we had intercourse. On certain nights when she was extremely horned up, I would tease her and keep her on the brink and not let her cum from oral. She'd end up begging me to get inside her. She'd have an orgasm close to my having one as well but it wasn't as intense as from my tonguing her so I would purposely tease her and ask her if she wanted more. She would beg for her egg (vibrator) so she could squirt and I would oblige. Again, I would tease her 'till she was begging for release to the point that when I did bury my tongue in between her cum filled lips, she gasped at first and looked me right in the eyes for a second, then laid her head back and had one of the most intense orgasms she ever had.
She guestioned me about it afterwards, asking if I liked the taste of cum enough to go behind her back with a guy. Again, we have a very good relationship and I told her that in my mind, there was nothing gay about what I did. It has become a regular part of our sex life now and evolved into more adventerous sex play. We surfed the net together about female ejaculation which led to prostrate play and many other sexual things that most people are affraid to discuss in mixed company or with their partners.
It seems she may even know about the effect of stimulating the male prostrate and is waiting for you to "push" into her finger. Next time she is doing that, maybe you should just do that or maybe joke that she should lube that finger before it goes any further
Like I said, the signs are there. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[StacyCD39]

Our oldest is babysitting for us tomorrow night. I suggested a date night to my wife, since we haven't had one since before the holidays. Probably just up to the local bar & grill for some beers and wings.

Maybe I'll tell her. I WANT to tell her. I guess I'm just afraid of the worst case scenario of her walking out of my life. Should I take that risk?

How awesome would that be though, if I opened my soul to her and told her everything, and she said "Cool. As long as you do it when I'm not around, and it remains just something you do by yourself. As long as your not out cheating on me and getting God-knows-what-diseases, I'm cool with it."

She has commented that I'm getting really, really good at cunnilingus. I'm wondering if maybe it's because I've been sucking on her vibrator, that I'm building up stamina in my neck muscles and getting used to that repetitive motion. That's not a bad thing!

Who knows? May she'll suggest we go out and get a strap-on so I can show her what a good little cock sucking cum slut I am!

 

[Mikijl Dragon]

I think you should tell her. Be honest and upfront with everything. At this point it is fantasy play and if she is not into it you can discuss and see where it goes from there.

If you decide not to tell her it would be only a matter of time before she discovers something that sends her down the wrong path. It is much easier to say "these are my fantasies and I want to share them with you." instead of "No honey it's not like that, I am not cheating on you, no I don't do that for other guys, it's just a fantasy I swear!"

 

[Stella_Omega]

I agree with Mikijl Dragon, if you don't start talking to her, she will start imagining even worse things. In fact, it sounds as if she does.

You don't have to spill every single detail all at once. Just start off by letting her know that NONE of your fantasies include cheating on her. Ask her if you can share something that excites you and also makes you feel ashamed, even though you wish it did not. That will prime her to sense you're asking for support.

 

[StacyCD39]

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind support.

 

[stinson]

Stacy you are not the only one

 

[Saphs]

We all have our fantasies, not weird at all!

 

[StacyCD39]

Again, I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and support. After much consideration, I've decided not to tell my wife about my fetish. At least not yet.

I've been doing some research, and as long as I'm doing it alone (obviously), it's not cheating or being unfaithful, and it's okay for me to explore these feelings, even it it is on my own.

I really just need to work on the feeling of guilt that I have after I do it. When I get dressed up and play, it feels wonderful and beautiful, but afterwards I feel so dirty, like there's something wrong with me. I almost hate myself for it, but it feels so beautiful and so natural I can't stop. Truth be told, I'm not sure I want to. It helps me relax and relieves stress. What's wrong with that?

I'm slowly starting to come to terms with accepting myself for who I am. Thank you everyone for empowering me and reassuring that I'm just enjoying my body, and not being unfaithful to my wife!

 

[Stella_Omega]

You are on the right path, Stacey. Just-- don't scare your wife!

 

[blade_rocknut]

Took me over ten years of marriage ( a very honest, best friend type marriage) to lay my cross dressing cards on the table. It was worth it....it's still fun and allows me an escape from reality, but now I can do it without that deathly fear of being found out and exiled as a freak. I won't write a book about it here...but suffice to say, your fantasies are fine...I know I have some that will never be fulfilled ( that may ruin them!) but I have laid them out for her.

Best of luck to you; but as several have eluded; your wife is picking up on signs....best not to leave their interpretation to HER imagination.

 

[getntwoknowme]

Hey man.....this place is cool for bouncing that kinda stuff off people, because we are all kinda the same. It's not cheating by a long shot.....it's your life, there you feelings. It's your call wheather you want them known....or to fantasize about it. Just make sure my cock is one of the ones your sucking! LOL

 

[bluesky496]

hey stacey we all have fantasies even your wife but i found the best way is to be honest, i told my wife and after a lot of talking she supported me with my dressing up and even went shopping for things for me and we explored it together and had a lot of fun doing so and i respected her wish that it was kept between us and a couple of very close friends ,you shouldnt feel guilty you are not cheating but if she finds evidence of you using her things she may well think the worst so i would tell her .