Need female advise

[jerry_b22]

I'll try and keep this short.
I'm not a youngster, been married 30+ years. Still dont understand women. My wife has always been a bit of a prude in the sexual department. Three weeks ago, I finally hit the limit and told her we could either seperate or things would have to change.
I know she is trying, she has started working out to improve her shape and has even shaved her pussy. But she is still so damned reserved. And if I try and talk with her about sex she gets this disgusted look on her face that really turns me off. I thought about getting a video, but most of the ones I've seen are too vulger(her words) for her. Does any one know of any (and where I could get them) of very explicit scenes with a romantic story line. Something women would like...I really do love her, but I now I want a slut (at least part time) and I dont want her to do it just to please me, but to also enjoy herself. Any suggestions on how I can proceed. If you pm me I'll answer any questions that would help you in advising me. I really need help and like I said earlier I obviuosly dont understand women.

 

[wicked woman]

Have you considered getting counselling over this? If you've been married for over 30 years and she hasn't changed I don't think sharing a porn movie is going to do the trick. It's something deeper than that.

Don't feel bad about not understanding us women...not sure we understand ourselves all the time.

Good luck to you.

 

[jerry_b22]

I think a counsellor would probably say I'm all screwed up, which is true. I'd just like her to be as screwed up as I am.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Indulging in sexual fantasy is not being screwed up. And wanting a more slutty partner is not screwed up either. The counselling was suggested for you AND your wife, or even just your wife... there's a reason why people don't let go and enjoy sex... hell, there are many reasons.. you just need to talk with her, despite that look she gets, and try to find out WHY she's not interested in the things you are sexually. Compromise might still be possible.

 

[Mysty61]

I am not sure anyone understands women - we are very mysterious to ourself as well as everyone around us. I don't think you are going to change your wife now, no more thern she is going to change you. You knew the way she was when you married her, and that is what you chose, and 30 years later is definately not the time to try to change her. Perhaps you can continue to take small steps like her shaving, but if you try to completely change her you are asking for big trouble. You say you love her very much and have been married for 30 years. They must have been good years so count your blessings and don't ruin what you have accomplished. Everyone is not into all this erotic stuff, and that is fine for them. Just don't try to make your wife something she is not, and enjoy your life with her within her limits and I bet you will be happy. If this doesn't work for you then you have a big decision tyo make, and you may not find what you thinklyou want. Sex is a very, very important part of marriage, and the two of you have to agree on its limits but neither of you can try to force a change on the other. Some of us have liberal views and some have conserative views of sex, and just like politics, and religion among other things these views are not easily changed. I am not trying to defend your wife I am just trying to point out that perhaps you are trying to make her into someone you might read about on this site, and that person is not your wife.

 

[jerry_b22]

Your undoubtably right about the counsellor and I'll have to give that a thought after I've tried other methods. There are a lot of twists and turns during the time we have been togeather.
I appreciate your help. Thank you.

 

[Guest]

Some women just aren't very sexual. Don't try to force her into changing to please you. Counselling is a good idea, but if you two can't come to some point of compromise... then perhaps its time to go seperate ways instead of making each other misreable.

here is a site that caters to women and sex.... maybe some of the videos will perk up the sex life

http://www.houseochicks.com/vidlist.html

 

[Guest]

and here is one more site.
good luck

http://www.pornforwomen.net/adult_videos.htm

 

[peachykeen]

Many women don't find visual porn a turn on. Lots of us do, but lots of us don't. For many women, they see porn starlets, all young and zippy and pneumatic and tan and with the hair and the nails and so on and so on and think, "if this is his fantasy, how can I ever live up to that?" Because lets face it, porn sets up a very unrealistic standard for women, especially if you are a little older, a little less flexible, a little heavier, have a few more stretch marks, etc etc. If she's not already pretty confident about herself, I really think films are just going to turn your wife off more.

Try books. Seriously. The 'Black Lace' publishers have a whole series of historical-fantasy type erotic novels; they're like Harlequin romances or Mills & Boone, except with serious fucking. She might like that well more than an explicit film, as will allow her to be more imaginative, and not have some sweet young thing's bare ass that she feels she can't possibly live up to shoved in her face.

 

[Guest]

 

[Bobmi357]

I'll try and keep this short.
I'm not a youngster, been married 30+ years. Still dont understand women. My wife has always been a bit of a prude in the sexual department. Three weeks ago, I finally hit the limit and told her we could either seperate or things would have to change.
I know she is trying, she has started working out to improve her shape and has even shaved her pussy. But she is still so damned reserved. And if I try and talk with her about sex she gets this disgusted look on her face that really turns me off. I thought about getting a video, but most of the ones I've seen are too vulger(her words) for her. Does any one know of any (and where I could get them) of very explicit scenes with a romantic story line. Something women would like...I really do love her, but I now I want a slut (at least part time) and I dont want her to do it just to please me, but to also enjoy herself. Any suggestions on how I can proceed. If you pm me I'll answer any questions that would help you in advising me. I really need help and like I said earlier I obviuosly dont understand women.

Jerry,
I don't think any man understands a woman. But a couple key issues in your post struck a sharp chord in me. I also have a mate whose sex drive is pretty low, and you can get more than a little irritated and angry over it. We're working on it, she realizes its a problem and tries to overcome it.

In your case however I can't help but wonder if your wife actually enjoys sex. And that, I think, is the very first thing you need to find out.

I think we all want what you want. To have a mate that is a ball of fire in the bedroom, even if they are calm and demure to the outside world.

Dealing with a mismatched sex drive isn't easy. At times I'm angry, I'm hurt, I want to lash out, yell and scream. And other times I'm so horny I could climb a wall. It doesn't help that there are places like Lit where you can meet women that will do everything your woman isn't interested in doing. It doesn't help that you can go over to the adult chat in yahoo messenger and start up a cybering session in about 10 minutes.

However, if you love this woman, its up to you to not only tell her how you feel, how you think about what its doing to your relationship, but its also up to you to help her. Working on a relationship problem like this one means that BOTH people have to work together.

To be honest it sounds like she recognizes your comments were valid and is trying to remedy the problem. Now its up to you to meet her half way. Recognize that you are not going to get a slut in the bedroom, but she is trying to improve your love life. You need to meet her half way and accept what she is doing. She cannot change 30 yrs of habits over night. Its going to take time, a lot of it. And you're going to need to be patient and helpful. She's done some new stuff, why not reward her with introducing a toy into the bedroom, one designed more for her pleasure than yours?

You need to keep talking to her, and get her to start talking as well. YOU MUST KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATIONS OPEN. Don't yell, don't accuse, don't make it seem like its all her fault. To be honest, you had a hand in building the current situation also. Treat each small change in her as a victory, but also think long and hard about what you can do to improve yourself as well. This isn't all about her. And believe me, she WILL appreciate it if you start asking her what she thinks you could do to improve your love life. This isn't a one way problem, or a one way street. There are two people involved and both need to be active in fixing this problem.

Finally RELAX!!! You've done the hardest part. Gotten her to see there is a problem in the marriage. Now its just a matter of working through it. Some people end up with mates refusing to see there is a problem at all.

In my case my wife and I have been working on this same issue for several years. Its improved and I recognize the effort she's made. It hasn't been an easy time for either of us. I can only wish that someday we'll look back on this time and chuckle about it as we swing from the bedposts.

 

[jerry_b22]

First let me say that I really do appreciate all the advise from all of you. And I really do think that some is more than accurate.
Let me assure you I have never even so much as yelled at my wife. And when I did confrount her it wasn't as her problem but as my problem. I would never intentionally lay that guilt trip on her. I do appreciate that she is trying, But then my mind say's that she is doing this to appease me, not because she enjoy's it. Oh! she enjoys her orgasm's but when she is in the "mood" it's just to make love, not fuck just for the enjoyment.
Peacykeen, thank you for bringing that to my attention, I never thought of that, nix on the video's. Maybe I should stay away from these stories. LOL I realize that there are a few women out there like these stories refer(plus I have met a couple) but certainly not enough to go around.

 

[morninggirl5]

Peachykeen had some great advice.

If you don't think she'd like historicals, try the Secrets Anthologies.

Each book has 4 short novellas and they're all set in different times and places (there are some para-normal ones, as well.)

http://www.redsagepub.com/