Need advice

[Mindyvixen]

OK I have known this guy for 3 years, and never was really attracted to him sexually. We were just friends. And he didn't seem like my type. Then about 3 months ago he gets a girlfriend, and I became really jealous! I don't know what it was but I did not want him with her, but I still didn't want him as a boyfriend either. I all of a sudden found him very attractive, but I only wanted to have a little fun not a relationship. Well, about 2 weeks ago his girlfriend broke up with him so I knew that it was my chance. I went out drinking with him and some of our mutual friends and we ended up having sex that night. We had sex twice since then, and last week I told him that I just wanted to have fun, not have anything serious with him. Needless to say he was a little upset and is looking for something serious. So, now his X girl came back, and they are back together. And now I am realizing that I do want something serious with him. But, I don't know how to tell him, I don't want him to think I am playing games with his head, I am really not trying to I'm just confused on my feelings. Am I for some reason only wanting this guy so much because she has him? The thing I know for sure is I really, really like this guy. Any suggestions??

 

[Weird Harold]

OK I have known this guy for 3 years, and never was really attracted to him sexually. We were just friends. And he didn't seem like my type. Then about 3 months ago he gets a girlfriend, and I became really jealous! ... And now I am realizing that I do want something serious with him. But, I don't know how to tell him, I don't want him to think I am playing games with his head, I am really not trying to I'm just confused on my feelings. Am I for some reason only wanting this guy so much because she has him? The thing I know for sure is I really, really like this guy. Any suggestions??

1: Stay away from him until after he breaks up with this "other woman." Try very hard not do anything that would either dirve them closer to gether or break them up -- let the situation run it's course without you as much as possible.

2: When (or IF) they break up again, do NOT step immediately to replace her. Wait until he is no longer on the rebound and you can analyze your feelings for him without the jealousy factor clouding your feelings.

3: Once he's beyond the rebound effect, and you've had time to consider your feelings, then talk to him about what you've been through and what you've decided.

4: Leave the ball in his court at that point so he can think about what HE wants.

It sounds like you've made a mess of things that only patience and understanding your own motives and needs can correct.

One final point: A question on an Internet Forum is no substitute for the education and experience of a professional "relationship councilor" (AKA marriage councilor), priest, or therapist. Introspection (self-examination) is a difficult skill to master alone.

 

[English Lady]

*seconds everything weird harold said*

 

[StevenWill]

back off

Sound a little like games to me. I would take two giant steps backward. You only want him when he has someone else. If you care about him, realize that he just might be happier with the other woman and, if you care about him, his happiness should matter to you.

I think you need to take some time to sort out your feelings.

steve